Managing a difficult situation

bna · Post by **bna** » Fri May 01, 2009 3:07 am

Here's a little scenario where I once again realized how far i have come in this last year.

We received bad news yesterday that my brothr-in law in Ireland is very sick and was admitted to ICU. This morning, we learned he is critically ill on a ventilator with an overwhelming infection and sounds like his system is failing.

I decided to go to Mass this morning for him. On Fridays, many stay after Mass, and pray the Rosary. Before the Rosary, I decided to ask if everyone would remeber him in their prayers. I began to feel very anxious as i do not speak well in front of people. I asked if they could remember my broth=in-law. Everyone turned around and stared at me and I felt like I had done something wrong. I was already nervous when someone asked if I could say it again. This time it caught in my throat, and I began to get teary, thankfully someone was able to repeat my request. I began to cry, sad for my brother-in-law, and upset that I could not speak up because I was feeling very anxious.

On the way out someone asked me the details of my brother-in-laws illness. I once again got teary eyed as I spoke about him.

I came home feeling all upset with myself, that i didn't do my best, that i was teary, and what must people think of me getting so upset over my brother-in-law.

My brother-in-law is a really nice guy. I am very fond of him. He suffers with his own depression and alcohol abuse. I don't know what happened but he went ona very serious bender this past week. Drinking non-stop hard liquior.
He was admitted with alcohol posioning, also an overwhelming infection, as a result of vomitting, and is critically ill. I really fear for his life.

Instead of spending the day beating myself up and feeling really awful, I took out my journal and I wrote it all out. everything I was feeling and thinking and I am feeling better.

What I realized is this, I am a sensitive person. I cry for everything and that's not a bad thing. It means I care. So what if I couldn't speak up the second time, I did it the first time.

The crying for my brother-in-law, I realized is one, I care, but secondly, to think he is in that much pain and has no other way of coping with his depression but to drink it away, just saddens me. He is such a great guy. I hope and pray he recovers and gets the proper help. (his family tends to enable him)

Why I wanted to share this is because I hope it will help to continue to motivate others that they can learn to manage this condition.

Prior to this program, I would have spent the whole day if not the whole week worrying about how I could not speak in front of others, how I cried in front of everyone, how I cried with the lady in the parking lot, what must they be thinking of me.

Now my attitude is so what. I am feeling saddness and anxiety over the uncertainity of my brother-in -laws future and that's a nautral reaction to stress. I am ok. I don't need to run to my husband or family to reassure myself that I am ok or that I didn't make a fool of myself. I know the truth. I'm ok. This situation is out of my control. There is nothing I can do but surrender it to God. I will pray and ask God to help me. I realize I no longer have to control the world, that God's job.

So thank you all for listening to me vent. I feel once again Blessed to have found this program and learned the skills to manage life's stessors. Take care and God Bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 01, 2009 6:09 am

Congratulations and thank you for sharing your story. It was really uplifting. I am just getting ready to start session 3.

baby_g · Post by **baby_g** » Fri May 01, 2009 8:06 am

Good for you, bna. You've learned a valuable lesson and have obtained empowerment for yourself. My best to you and to your family.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 08, 2009 3:37 pm

bna...I am very proud of you. It really doesn't matter what others think, especially in situations like this one...

I would be crying and would not care who saw me.
We have every right to grieve over our loved ones!!!! We also have every right to feel our own feelings. They belong to us!!!

I am glad you did the journalizing. That is the very best thing you could have done for yourself!!!

I did lots of journalizing when I was suffering sooo much!!!

I still journalize when I feel the need!!!
This is my life and I am going to be myself, and live it!!!!

I pray you stick to your guns!!! You are on the right track, and I am soooo proud of you!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:42 pm

I am proud of you bna. you are learning that the tenderness in your heart is not a weakness. If you didn't feel this for your bro-in law then u would not have prayed for him.

Journeling is a great way to get stress and thoughts out. I also will go for a fast long walk as well when I am hurting. I try to be safe when doing that though because i have a tendancy to self-sabotage and look for trouble. for example, walking at night late.

i hope that your brother-in -law is doing better.