Beating yourself up for having this condition

[missobsessive]

Does anyone out there just beat themselves up for having this condition? I have been a lot lately. Like I'm ashamed, embarrassed, MAD, sad. I think about people knowing that I had this, and what I obsess/obsessed about (not even the scary stuff) and I just think...geeze if they knew, they would think I was the weirdest person. I write that down and try to replace it with No, they wouldn't think that, and if they did THEY are being ignorant to the fact that it's a real common issue. I'm still not to the point where I'm believing it though. I've only been writing down/replacing my thoughts in the little spiral note book for a week now though. I have to admit, I didn't really do that up to this point, even going through the program before. I guess I just kind of half-a#@ed it. Didn't really PRACTICE it. But I hate this. I feel like it just robs everything from me. I know I'm talking like a victim here, but that's really how I feel at this point...

[SeaRunner]

I used to feel that way a long time ago. But I later found out that what you are writing as your positive thought replacement is actually true. In almost every case when I've explained my condition and the things that go along with it, people have been supportive, even strangers. I've never come across anyone that made me feel ashamed or teased me about it in a negative way.

Eventually I reached a point where I didn't even think about how others would react to my condition. It just didn't matter to me anymore.

There is nothing wrong with having anxiety and depression. Like you said, it's common. Try and take all that energy wasted away worrying about what others think and put it towards something positive.

I once heard a quote about this subject that always made me laugh and it's quite true. I'm probably butchering it, but it goes something like this: "Don't bother worrying about what other people might think about you. Their too busy worrying about themselves to think about you!"

Jamie

[missobsessive]

Jamie,

You're right. I know. It just really gets me down sometimes. I just keep thinking of all the people on the tapes who are recovered any time I start thinking these super negative thoughts. And I still try to focus on who cares what other people think, but it can be hard. I'm so envious of people who don't have this issue. But then I try to think of all the other issues out there that are "unfixable" that people have, and and almost thankful that I have this one. Like that saying goes...(something like) if everyone in the world put all of their problems into a big pile and you saw all of them, you'd probably take yours right back.

It's my obsessive thoughts that get me. They just consume my whole moment to the point where I can almost not even function. And I feel like they are just going to ruin my life. But then I just try to think of Mike and Jackie and the others on tape 10 who seem fine now. They were able to stop feeding them. I hope I'm there one day, and that I can get out of this depression/funk all of this has put me in.

Thanks for your reply.

P.S. I like your C.J. Peters quote. That's a good one.

[SeaRunner]

Try not to compare your progress with other people. We all have our own pace and our recovery doesn't follow a strict schedule. Our recovery is as individual as we are.

That being said, we can glean from other people things that have worked for them that may work for us. We also learn that this condition can be overcome. In regards to obsessive thinking, it's all about practicing the tools we've learned from the program. Learn to recognize when your having obsessive thoughts, interrupt the cycle, let go without judgment, and then move one to more positive thoughts.

I'm glad you enjoyed the quote I used. I think it's so appropriate for people with our condition. We so often worry and obsess over things that really do not warrant them. Like we have learned in the program, we need to start underreacting rather than overreacting or at least have a reasonable response.

Jamie

[christmasvalley]

I feel so much like you missobsessive - I do so much beating myself up for this - and hating this "condition". I feel so frustrated; after 28 years of being agoraphobic, and trying lots of different therapies, groups, books, etc., I got this program. I started working with it going on a year ago - went through it once with the highest hopes, but when I didn't make the progress I wanted to I went through it again, this time paying for the personal coaching. I am also seeing a therapist who has been helping me with meditation. But I feel like there's an invisible fence around me - I get so discouraged when I see/hear all the "success stories" - I feel like I can go so far, and then that's it. No matter how I try to come at it, I can't break through my own "glass ceiling" when it comes to my fears. I have made some progress, and am traveling from Tucson to Phoenix (100 miles+) which I couldn't do for years. But now any "next" goals just don't seem doable. I"ll set something up and always chicken out. Everytime I"m around other people I'm jealous of them - I think, they can go anywhere they like, whenever they like - and I can't. And so I feel anxious/depressed. I feel like I'm in prison and I can't see the way out.

[NinjaFrodo]

Its very difficult and there are times where i still beat myself up for this condition to but then i remind myself that this is not something i can just turn off and if i'm going to beat myself up for this then i better start beating up everybody else in this world that has the same problem because I am not better then everybody else, the same rules should apply to me that apply to others.

Did you give this condition to yourself? No probabbly not, Do you like being in the condtion? Again i highly doubt that. Blame does not accurately fit into this situation and people who try to blame you are just frustrated with the condition itself and not you.

I am with Searunner on this one, I have told many people of my anxiety and depression and not once did i get someone trying to hurt me because i'm suffering with this. If you don't believe me, you can see the comments i have gotten when i posted that i was hospitalized for anxiety and depression in a note on facebook. People are very sympathetic because guess what, alot of them have gone through anxiety and depression too. Some it might have been very mild and short lived but they still understand it.

If you want a replacement thought for that...if i had that thought i would replace it with;
If these people did know they probabbly wouldn't care because they are too busy with their own lives. So what-if they did think i was weird, it doesn't change anything and it really doesn't matter because I do not need to share in that thought. How they think about me is their own problem, not mine.

Its also alright if you talk like a victim, I'm sure a majority of us have done this before to. This is not a bad thing, its just your reality right now. You are still really suffering and so you are still a victim to the condition.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I've been in that rut before. I've being working with the program for 6 years!

I have made alot of progress over the years but yeah i would get to a certain part in the program which is up until it says to face my limitations and then i would feel discouraged and hopeless again whereas i would feel so hopeful up until that point. You know why that happens?

This happens because the thoughts that we aren't good enough are very strong and have overpowered us. It took me awhile to realize it was negative thinking that was keeping me from getting further. Maybe its a good idea to think about what it means to be good enough and not good enough as well as expectations of perfection.


Mike

[lockdo]

We all feel like that from time to time. It comes with the ups and downs of depression and life in general.