Self esteem and lack there of

MsKye · Post by **MsKye** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 5:05 pm

I have had low self esteem and poor self confidence ever since I could remember. I now see how these factors play a major role in my anxiety and depression. Last year I have had a few health issues including a back injury that was worsened by a fender bender which has worsened my emotional state. Amongst other issues, I'm gaining weight, losing strength and becoming more depressed by it. Its to the point that I don't want to leave the house because I don't have any clothes that fit me right anymore (and no free $ to buy more). I won't go out looking like a mess and looking decent whenever I can is the only thing I have to defend myself against my poor self esteem. Also, I panic whenever I have to go somewhere or do anything involving people because I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. It seems like those kind of experiences leave such a bad taste in my mouth that causes the feelings to stick with me for some time. So, now I have myself in this vicious cycle - back injury or other factors -> depression and anxiety -> emotional eater -> weight gain -> more depression and anxiety -> bad self esteem -> even MORE depression and anxiety. And it just goes around and round... I am so sick of feeling this way. I know what I should be to myself and I'm hoping that the self talk on disc 3 will help. But its like an endless and pointless argument with myself. I guess I know how my husband feels when my he tries to argue with me. I am sooo stuck in my ways and I hate it. I wish I could believe these positive thoughts that I tell myself. Does anyone else deal with anything like this? Does anyone have any advice because I'm so fed up with being disgusted in myself....

tina martin · Post by **tina martin** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 12:38 am

An inadequate sense of self or feeling, as I did, that my self was missing somewhere; is, in my view, at the root of the other problems (depression, anxiety, doubt, fear, addictions, etc.) that present themself.

For me the first step has been to look back and get an understanding of where that self was hijacked to begin with. No repressions, no denials, no distortions. This is not necessarily easy or pleasant, nor does it happen overnight. I've been at it for years.

Then comes the task of building and rebuilding the self and its relatives such as self confidence, self reliance, self approval, to liking self, to joy in self, to the ultimate...love of self. The program here can help with this crucial development.

Recently I have also considered how aspects of our culture can pose significant obstacles to our goals of self esteem, self assurance, self satisfaction.

MsKye · Post by **MsKye** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 7:06 am

tina, I've had these problems ever since I was a child. I can barely remember last week. Did you see some sort of therapist or psychologist to help you with this process? If so, could you recommend what I should look for in either or?

Molly77 · Post by **Molly77** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:03 am

I have these too. Ever since I can remember. Yes, this is a big part of my anxiety and depression. I feel I need to look just perfect or I crawl out of my skin! Then it became no matter how I looked it just wasn't good enough. I am now on disc 4...disc 3 helps alot..but it will TAKE TIME! Being patient and arguing with yourself is exhausting..I know, to me it feels like arguing the positive back. I find on the days that I don't feel a word war going on in my mind are the days that I tell myself...positive statements AREN'T going to prevent bad emotions of physical feelings..they are just going to help me get through it better and NOT make it worse. I have come to know that I expect the positive statements to work like magic and prevent the uncomfortable feelings to seep in..and it doesn't work like that. When I see what I am doing, I try to say, "I can feel this, it won't kill me. I will allow myself to feel uncomfortable. I won't fight it or try to make it go away. I will just breathe through it. I don't HAVE to have a positive counter for the feeling. I can just count and breathe. Inhale 2 exhale 4. It will pass, feeling this doesn't make me bad or wrong or that the program isn't working. I just feel emotions and physical symptoms. I don't have to think." Usually that helps stop more feelings or negative thoughts from adding to the ones at hand. For ME anyway. I hope that helps. Telling myself that I don't have to be perfect in appearance and still be loved helps too.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:53 am

Wow, Molly77--Good thoughts!

They are helping me as a reminder to read them!

Today I was pretty bummed as I think of all the things I need to work on around the house and I don't have the energy. But I managed to do a few things...always good to get out of bed, have a good cry and come to the forum. Thanks! Paislee

tina martin · Post by **tina martin** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:02 am

Childhood is where it most often starts. I needed therapy probably all my life. Went to a shrink once, never to return. Did not like all that attention on me. Later found group sessions led by a psychiatrist with the topic of mothers. I had a long distance mother at that time which was a disaster for me. The group sessions were good.

I have generally felt that the responsibility of managing myself and my issues were mine. When and where I grew up (a long time ago) there was no help. So seeking professional help is something I tend not to do to this very day. No doubt this is not a good thing and yet it may not be all bad either. I rely on my mind, on educating myself, on learning whatever and wherever I can. A program like this can help. And, remember, I've been at it a long time.

This may not be helpful, but I can only relate my outlook, my experience for whatever it's worth. Just as a suggestion, MsKye, (and Molly) you may want to decide what is most distressing and start there. Maybe the weight issue?