My Journaling Journey
Well its morning again. I made itthrough another day. Whats up wit hthis morning anxiety? I dont now, but I took my klonopin and it seems to help me. I decided notto feel ashamed to be on meds anymore, becausei need them right now as i work the program. I am no longer goingt oworry myself into thinking that im a failure for needing help with this. But i also know that I am not goingt o sit around and wait for it to dissapear. I plan on getting on the chat today and fdinding someone i can talk to about this. It helps me to have a person to just listen to what is going on in my head sometimes. i think i need to figure out what im getting from staying anxious. i had opretty good morning yesterday and then i put myself into a depression about feeling good. then of course i wake up with anxiety again. cant seem tp figur that out yet....
Last edited by Asamsyd on Tue Nov 18, 2008 2:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
Asamsyd, instead of creating a new thread for everyday, please make one journal thread then post every day into it. Then if you want to look back at previous days your posts will be in the one thread instead of scattered throughout this forum. 
Also do not forget to use an offline journal because you may want to look back months from now and see how far you've come. After a certain period of time these threads are cleared out of the system which makes your own notebook or journal even more important for future reference.
Thank you
Admin
Also do not forget to use an offline journal because you may want to look back months from now and see how far you've come. After a certain period of time these threads are cleared out of the system which makes your own notebook or journal even more important for future reference.
Thank you
Admin
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Guest
Asamsyd - I think you just have to realize that is is OK to be and feel anxious at times. You will learn as you go through this process that you can and will control the state you let yourself get into. I know that we are all doing the program at our own pace, but you have to realize we all are different and that is why the cause of your anxiety has to be determined by you and what triggered it. Figure out the reasons and start to work on them to control it. Also, you should never feel bad about taking the meds, they are there to help you in the recovery. You would not question a med if it was for another condition would you? Good Luck and keep pushing forward.
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Guest
I just wanted to offer you some insight. I was doing the exact same thing. Feeling good and then talking myself into depression about feeling good. For myself, I decided it was OK to feel good. i didn't have to hold on to this. I couldn't control the onset of this condition but I can help myself out, and part of that is allowing myself to feel happy. Listen to your negative talk and change it. Change it to I am a good person, it is OK to be happy. My friends and family want me to be happy. That helped me a lot.
With that said, the anxiety is still here. It does feel worse right now but I know that is because I am accepting it right now and allowing it to happen to me. Before I fought it every step of the way. So as time goes on, I hear it gets better and I am going to trust the ones that say it does because they have gone through this to.
I understand the shame around medication but you know what, who cares if we have to take it. Would your best friend think there was something wrong with you if you told them you had anxiety or were depressed about it. No, they would just think of it as we should, ANXIETY and feeling depressed. Have you ever heard someone else say they have it and told yourself, that is no big deal. I have and it was because it was true. I just didn't believe it for myself at the time. It was OK for them but not for me. Why would I be negative like that. Because I am me and that is what I did. But I am going to start believing that this is OK for me to.
Does any of this make sense. I hope it helps a little. You are not alone. But be happy. You deserve to be. You do wonderful things in your life.
With that said, the anxiety is still here. It does feel worse right now but I know that is because I am accepting it right now and allowing it to happen to me. Before I fought it every step of the way. So as time goes on, I hear it gets better and I am going to trust the ones that say it does because they have gone through this to.
I understand the shame around medication but you know what, who cares if we have to take it. Would your best friend think there was something wrong with you if you told them you had anxiety or were depressed about it. No, they would just think of it as we should, ANXIETY and feeling depressed. Have you ever heard someone else say they have it and told yourself, that is no big deal. I have and it was because it was true. I just didn't believe it for myself at the time. It was OK for them but not for me. Why would I be negative like that. Because I am me and that is what I did. But I am going to start believing that this is OK for me to.
Does any of this make sense. I hope it helps a little. You are not alone. But be happy. You deserve to be. You do wonderful things in your life.
Well its been 2 hours since i posted for today...update...I took klonopin which calms my nerves but doent make me feel different. Im trying to eat a muffin. SOunds dull huh? Well i do have a purpose for all of this...
I am trying to find my triggers and hwat my thoughts are when im feeling anxious, sad, happy, depressed...
I have realized that I have a fear of being too thin which makesit more difficult to want to eat for some reaason. But I am ok with who I am. Im not perfect but I am beautiful and I have a nice body. I would like to gain weight, however, I am putting way too much pressure on myself. Who cares what other people think right? One girl I work with always made comments on how skinny I was and finally I just said."Why are you so concerned with my weight? It makes me insecure, so please stop."
She looked surprised and said, "I only comment on how skinny you are becasue i think u look great andi wish i was as skinny as you." Wow, talk about negative thinking on my part!! I was telling myself that she thought i looked horrible, but she wasnt!!
Another thing that is bothering me is that I cant stop focusing on howi feel physically. I keep telling myself to ignore i and it will go away, But my obsessive thinking just overrules sometimes. I need to think of something else. But what to think about? Not sur yet, Ill figure something out. And now my expectatins areout of control, which i realized on session 4. i expect things to be perfect. the perfect holiday, the perfect dinner, the perfect relationahip, child, job. But what is really so great about being perfect? I need to ponder this today....
Until next time.....Tell it to Jesus
I am trying to find my triggers and hwat my thoughts are when im feeling anxious, sad, happy, depressed...
I have realized that I have a fear of being too thin which makesit more difficult to want to eat for some reaason. But I am ok with who I am. Im not perfect but I am beautiful and I have a nice body. I would like to gain weight, however, I am putting way too much pressure on myself. Who cares what other people think right? One girl I work with always made comments on how skinny I was and finally I just said."Why are you so concerned with my weight? It makes me insecure, so please stop."
She looked surprised and said, "I only comment on how skinny you are becasue i think u look great andi wish i was as skinny as you." Wow, talk about negative thinking on my part!! I was telling myself that she thought i looked horrible, but she wasnt!!
Another thing that is bothering me is that I cant stop focusing on howi feel physically. I keep telling myself to ignore i and it will go away, But my obsessive thinking just overrules sometimes. I need to think of something else. But what to think about? Not sur yet, Ill figure something out. And now my expectatins areout of control, which i realized on session 4. i expect things to be perfect. the perfect holiday, the perfect dinner, the perfect relationahip, child, job. But what is really so great about being perfect? I need to ponder this today....
Until next time.....Tell it to Jesus
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Guest
Finding happiness brought up a good point about allowing ourselves to be happy. One of the sessions mentioned that we should observe our body symptoms when in panic or anxiety - muscle tightness etc. I found that this was also happening when I was feeling happy, and is called body resistance. I was shocked to realize that I was actually thwarting my own happy feelings, possibly because I didn't believe I deserved to be happy for some reason. After all, there are so many things out there to be unhappy about when our focus is negative. Right? Strange how we can sabotage our own happiness and not even realize it. I focus on the self talk now that says "I do deserve to feel good, and it's OK to feel happy, and it's OK to be happy" when these good feelings come up, and have found that the good feelings are staying around now since I have given myself permission to feel them.
Asamsyd - Session 12 will help you with figuring out what you are getting from staying anxious. It talks about secondary gains, or what our payoff is from staying anxious and depressed. It was a key session for me.
Asamsyd - Session 12 will help you with figuring out what you are getting from staying anxious. It talks about secondary gains, or what our payoff is from staying anxious and depressed. It was a key session for me.