HOCD and other scary thoughts- PLEASE help!!
Hi everyone, I'm really in need of some encouragement right now. I've been plagued with scary thoughts for the last few months, and I'm still scared out of my mind. It started out with scary thoughts of cutting myself with knives, but that one has since subsided. Along with that I became afraid of killing myself- I'm not at all suicidal, I was just afraid that I would lose it one day or that the thought would come into my head that I'd actually WANT to and suddenly try to do it. It was horrible for a few weeks, but that one subsided too. About 2 days ago I was watching a movie and I suddenly became scared that I might be gay. I don't have a preference for women, and I have been in a relationship with a guy for about a month and I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about him. I hate these thoughts, it feels like I can't turn them off, and I am so scared that I might have to give up my great boyfriend if these thoughts actually turn out to be true. I feel so truly horrible right now. I've never been officialy diagnosed with OCD, but I definitely identify with the "pure o." Can anyone identify with these thoughts or please PLEASE give me some encouragement??
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BookOfPsalms
- Posts: 119
- Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:16 am
oh my goodness! i have been having scary thoughts also of me losing it or something happening to me-like me passing out or something like that! i really don't want those thoughts around. i am perfectly healthy and nothing should cause that to happen but i often think of that when i am in a crowd or home alone with my son or driving, or walking through the grocery store. i really want those thoughts out of my mind!
+Let The Word Do The Work!+
Hey, Sarah, you're fine. I think these thoughts flow through many minds, with a moments contemplation or longer, and then go away. The difference is that it scares you. I'll bet we're all going to be relaxing and closing our eyes, realizing that imagining some undesirable act is just that, imagination. Just like picturing yourself kissing Brad Pitt, only that might be nice for you. But no more real. I'm excited to see how you learn to rid yourself of the scariness. You go, Sarah.
Hi Sarah,
I have had OCD for most of my life. Did not know it until I was 19. I remember when I was 10 thinking what if I am gay and was totally scared. Really didn't even know what that meant. I remember telling my mom and she had to calm me down. I also am married and have a son and one of my fears is what if he is gay. He is six and I worried about it ever since he was born. I was told my a OCD specialist that one of the biggest thoughts and fears people have is What if I am gay. She said that is such a common thought people have. It's just your OCD, when that thought comes in your had tell your self it's just my OCD. My son is 6 now and this morning I was freaking about the same thing again and had to tell myself it is just my OCD. Keep in touch, I can totally relate to how you feel. Hope I have helped you.
I have had OCD for most of my life. Did not know it until I was 19. I remember when I was 10 thinking what if I am gay and was totally scared. Really didn't even know what that meant. I remember telling my mom and she had to calm me down. I also am married and have a son and one of my fears is what if he is gay. He is six and I worried about it ever since he was born. I was told my a OCD specialist that one of the biggest thoughts and fears people have is What if I am gay. She said that is such a common thought people have. It's just your OCD, when that thought comes in your had tell your self it's just my OCD. My son is 6 now and this morning I was freaking about the same thing again and had to tell myself it is just my OCD. Keep in touch, I can totally relate to how you feel. Hope I have helped you.
Thanks to you guys for replying! I guess what scares me is the thought that the "gay" fear might be real... I mean, I KNOW deep down that it's not, but why am I thinking this then? This isn't the first time I've thought this either, it's just gone away in the past. Beepster, I am actually a 19 year old and just realizing that I probably have ocd as well and can completely identify with what you're saying. It helps to put a name to this obsessional thinking I've always had, but it's still scary. Is there something that really worked for you to get a handle on these thoughts and get rid of them?
"Getting a handle on the thoughts" may be getting rid of them and thinking more positive thoughts, or disarming them--giving them no more concern than the sock static-clinging to your other laundry. I remember when I was 14 and my mom had a gay friend visit the house. She said, "He can just look at a person and tell if he's gay, even if that person doesn't know it." I was a wreck. I met him and went outside. Several hours later I came back in, he was gone. I kind of loitered around my mother, asked her how the visit with him went, couldn't ASK straight out (Am I gay?). No news was good news. I had a young stepson that sang like an angel, and I wondered if he was going to be gay. Nah, he's married a couple of times, couple of kids, a bruiser. Why did I think of this? When my natural son was small, I feared either he would die or I would die. Why? I don't know. I'm glad those thoughts went away. Thoughts!
Thank you James. It's just so hard to distinguish between what is anxiety and what is real. The worst part about all this is that it feels like I'm cheating on my boyfriend by having these thoughts! Before this thought came on I would be really happy when I thought about him and now all i have is anxiety when I think of him. It's literally making me sick to my stomach, and that makes me question my inital feelings for him and wonder if I really like him at all. It's terrible because I know that if this fear were gone I would be so happy with him, but even as i write this i'm questioning myself! This is the scariest part for me I guess. I just want this nightmare gone!!!
Sarah,
It is just the OCD. I can't tell you how much I know how freaked out you are by that thought. It's just a thought, I mentioned in my earlier post that I was told that ranks like # 2 on the list for things people with OCD worry about. I am now 37, for a long time I did not have OCD thoughts until my son was born. Then I was worried I would hurt him, but was able to say it was my OCD. I went on Zoloft for depression and but stopped when I gained a lot of weight. At that point is when I realized that when I stopped the zoloft, my OCD was worse. I didn't realize it was even helping until I stopped. SO then I started OCD therapy and was put on Luvox and Buspar, which totally made my OCD stop, especially the thoughts. I was on those meds for about 4 years, I just recently had to stop because I had to go on a new med that would not allow me to be on Luvox. I was so depressed I was having suicidal thoughts and was in the hospital for it. So in order to keep my mood stable I was put on the Emsam patch, when you take that you can not take any SSRI's. I was worried my OCD would come back, but I had to decide what was worse. Needless to say, my OCD ( the scary thoughts part) has come back big time! On the way home from my parents I was worried what if I drove my car off the road and my son was with me. I had to use the tools from CD #2 to calm me down. What I'm trying to say, is it really is just your thoughts and you have to control them and this program will help. I feel for you, I'm going through this right along with you. It's just a thought, but I know it is freaking you out. You can send private messages, feel free to send me one if you want to talk more to me about this. Are you taking any meds, ask if you can go on luvox. Make sure you post again. Just don't worry, so easy to say. Is your thought saying "What if I am"?
It is just the OCD. I can't tell you how much I know how freaked out you are by that thought. It's just a thought, I mentioned in my earlier post that I was told that ranks like # 2 on the list for things people with OCD worry about. I am now 37, for a long time I did not have OCD thoughts until my son was born. Then I was worried I would hurt him, but was able to say it was my OCD. I went on Zoloft for depression and but stopped when I gained a lot of weight. At that point is when I realized that when I stopped the zoloft, my OCD was worse. I didn't realize it was even helping until I stopped. SO then I started OCD therapy and was put on Luvox and Buspar, which totally made my OCD stop, especially the thoughts. I was on those meds for about 4 years, I just recently had to stop because I had to go on a new med that would not allow me to be on Luvox. I was so depressed I was having suicidal thoughts and was in the hospital for it. So in order to keep my mood stable I was put on the Emsam patch, when you take that you can not take any SSRI's. I was worried my OCD would come back, but I had to decide what was worse. Needless to say, my OCD ( the scary thoughts part) has come back big time! On the way home from my parents I was worried what if I drove my car off the road and my son was with me. I had to use the tools from CD #2 to calm me down. What I'm trying to say, is it really is just your thoughts and you have to control them and this program will help. I feel for you, I'm going through this right along with you. It's just a thought, but I know it is freaking you out. You can send private messages, feel free to send me one if you want to talk more to me about this. Are you taking any meds, ask if you can go on luvox. Make sure you post again. Just don't worry, so easy to say. Is your thought saying "What if I am"?
Beepster thank you so much for replying. Yes, my thought is saying "What if I am?" That's what starts the obsessing, and I'm never going to arrive at an answer, so I just keep obsessing. I keep going over things from my past that would indicate one way or the other. I think I just need to concentrate on now and not look into the past so much. I'm not currently on any meds, and to tell you the truth, meds scare me a lot. If worst comes to worst, I will look into that option though.
I was recommended a book yesterday called "Imp of the Mind" and I've heard it's really good with explaining scary thoughts, so I'm going to give it a try. We've just gotta keep telling ourselves that they're just thoughts! Easier said than done of course. It really helps to know that I'm not the only one who thinks these things though!!
I was recommended a book yesterday called "Imp of the Mind" and I've heard it's really good with explaining scary thoughts, so I'm going to give it a try. We've just gotta keep telling ourselves that they're just thoughts! Easier said than done of course. It really helps to know that I'm not the only one who thinks these things though!!
Sarah, I hear you on that one. I too have asked myself that same question about my sexuality. Granted that Im not attracted to the same sex, but Im always asking myself , "Am I?" I keep having the worst luck with the opposite sex and I cant seem to grasp it. Ive been going through this since my teens and its gotten worse. Im afraid I'll ever find true love. I dont know what to do. Even the music I listen to, people think that I like the same sex. I am faced with that scary thought everyday. Whats your take on it?