Hello to everyone that reads this.I went through a very traumatizing time in my life that has been w/ me for the last 8 years or so.
There was a loss in my family by another family member and it led me to self destruction. Plucking my eyebrows became an obsession when I am not relaxed, alone and late at night, like right now.
My husband works a lot and is gone overnights for his job.So, i am left alone way too much for any human to want to be. I used to be a very independent and free spirited, loving person, but things gave gotten so bad that I just hate myself and my life anymore.
I am here to get help.
My first introduction was deleted and I can't figure that one out, so I give up on it. I am here for improvement and common ground.
Anyone else do things like this to themselves? Please chime in. I just need to know that I am not alone in this huge scary world.
Thank you for reading this.
Love light and peace to us all.
Annie
OMG, I have OCD, I "see" that now.
-
AnnieFannie43
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 7:30 pm
Hi AnnieFannie43, you really are not alone. That is what I have been finding out just coming here the last few days.Im only just finishing session 1.
My husband also works long hours. I am usually okay with the day shift, he's gone 4am until 7pm but the nightshift is very hard for me, he leaves just after 4pm and isnt home until after 7am. I stay up all night so that we can spend some time together when he gets home and sleep together but its a very long lonely night. I dont drive and I dont really have anyone to call in the middle of the night. It was okay in the beginning but its gotten harder and harder.
I want so much to be healthy and normal and I do have hope in this program but its hard to believe when Im so riddled with anxiety. I try to remember when I read everyone's posts that we all probably feel just as alone with this disorder but we really are not. Its hard to believe that our way of thinking causes all these physical symptoms and anxiety. I find it easier to believe when Im not feeling as bad. I remember telling a doctor when he said I had panic disorder and depression that I wouldnt be anxious or depressed if I didnt have all these scary physical symptoms. I thought my fears and thoughts were caused by the physical stuff not my thoughts were what caused the physical problems.Go figure. I still struggle with accepting that.
Anyways Im sorry to ramble. Im having a morning I guess. Im glad youre here and I do have hope that we will all be free of this and be able to lead normal, happy lives.
My husband also works long hours. I am usually okay with the day shift, he's gone 4am until 7pm but the nightshift is very hard for me, he leaves just after 4pm and isnt home until after 7am. I stay up all night so that we can spend some time together when he gets home and sleep together but its a very long lonely night. I dont drive and I dont really have anyone to call in the middle of the night. It was okay in the beginning but its gotten harder and harder.
I want so much to be healthy and normal and I do have hope in this program but its hard to believe when Im so riddled with anxiety. I try to remember when I read everyone's posts that we all probably feel just as alone with this disorder but we really are not. Its hard to believe that our way of thinking causes all these physical symptoms and anxiety. I find it easier to believe when Im not feeling as bad. I remember telling a doctor when he said I had panic disorder and depression that I wouldnt be anxious or depressed if I didnt have all these scary physical symptoms. I thought my fears and thoughts were caused by the physical stuff not my thoughts were what caused the physical problems.Go figure. I still struggle with accepting that.
Anyways Im sorry to ramble. Im having a morning I guess. Im glad youre here and I do have hope that we will all be free of this and be able to lead normal, happy lives.
-
Carolyn Dickman
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:00 am
Good Morning Annie,
(((HUGS)))
You are really in a very caring and kind place here. We all try to assist each other in bad times and also cheer on those who are feeling much better.
I have OCD..as do many others I have known personally and there are many on this site. We all have different behaviors associated with it and different reasons for it.
I know that when someone does harmfull things to themselves it's usually based on anger and self hate or they are just at the point of frustration over a situation they can't control or have been emotionally hurt by someone. These are symptoms of people I have known and not on this site.
Plucking your eye brows is directed at yourself..my thought is that you are angry at yourself or a situation you can't control..we tend to like to be in control over almost everything. maybe it's the being alone that is making you do this..I don't know because I don't know you. Only you or maybe a good therapist may be able to get to the reason you do this to yourself. Why do you think you pluck your eye brows..or do you already know why?
If you don't know than before you can stop doing this you will need to find out and then work on the reason/reasons so you can stop this form of self destruction. I'm just really grasping at straws here right now and Hope with all my heart you will work with the program to find the skills to help yourself through this.
I feel your pain and anger, I really do and felt it last night.
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Please tell us about yourself so we all can try to work with you and also if you havn't talked to a professional about your issues you maybe should think about it..we are not counselers just people with issues ourselves trying to get better.</span>
God Bless, Be Kind To Yourself
(((HUGS)))
You are really in a very caring and kind place here. We all try to assist each other in bad times and also cheer on those who are feeling much better.
I have OCD..as do many others I have known personally and there are many on this site. We all have different behaviors associated with it and different reasons for it.
I know that when someone does harmfull things to themselves it's usually based on anger and self hate or they are just at the point of frustration over a situation they can't control or have been emotionally hurt by someone. These are symptoms of people I have known and not on this site.
Plucking your eye brows is directed at yourself..my thought is that you are angry at yourself or a situation you can't control..we tend to like to be in control over almost everything. maybe it's the being alone that is making you do this..I don't know because I don't know you. Only you or maybe a good therapist may be able to get to the reason you do this to yourself. Why do you think you pluck your eye brows..or do you already know why?
If you don't know than before you can stop doing this you will need to find out and then work on the reason/reasons so you can stop this form of self destruction. I'm just really grasping at straws here right now and Hope with all my heart you will work with the program to find the skills to help yourself through this.
I feel your pain and anger, I really do and felt it last night.
<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Please tell us about yourself so we all can try to work with you and also if you havn't talked to a professional about your issues you maybe should think about it..we are not counselers just people with issues ourselves trying to get better.</span>
God Bless, Be Kind To Yourself
-
Guest
I'm glad to see that we can talk about these kinds of issues. I think if we try to be mature about this, we may get some great insight from ones who are suffering, or suffered from these behaviors as well as others who want to help.
I have already felt better just reading the other post. I don't feel so alone anymore.
What I have learned is....that my behavior of self destruction was turned inward at myself. I agree with monty'smom...for me it was anger toward myself.
The program in the beginning talks about how we will turn things inward and beat ourselves up over things. Instead of exspessing ourselves thru talking.
This program has taught me that I can talk about things instead of using anger to exspress myself.
At one time in my life. I truely belived, with all my heart...that if I showed everyone(family) how much I was hurting...they would understand. They would show me some simpathy.
I promise you there is a better way to fight this battle and it's thru knowledge and understanding and believing in yourself and this program!
It want happen overnight but...it will happen.
I am living proof that this program is one of the best things that has happened to me.
I havn't finished all of it yet but I know I am on way to a Healtheir way of Life. That gives me hope to face another day.
I know there will be set backs, life's not perfect but I am THANKFUL I HAVE THE TOOLS to help me the next time I'm in a battle.
Take-care and never give up!
I have already felt better just reading the other post. I don't feel so alone anymore.
What I have learned is....that my behavior of self destruction was turned inward at myself. I agree with monty'smom...for me it was anger toward myself.
The program in the beginning talks about how we will turn things inward and beat ourselves up over things. Instead of exspessing ourselves thru talking.
This program has taught me that I can talk about things instead of using anger to exspress myself.
At one time in my life. I truely belived, with all my heart...that if I showed everyone(family) how much I was hurting...they would understand. They would show me some simpathy.
I promise you there is a better way to fight this battle and it's thru knowledge and understanding and believing in yourself and this program!
It want happen overnight but...it will happen.
I am living proof that this program is one of the best things that has happened to me.
I havn't finished all of it yet but I know I am on way to a Healtheir way of Life. That gives me hope to face another day.
I know there will be set backs, life's not perfect but I am THANKFUL I HAVE THE TOOLS to help me the next time I'm in a battle.
Take-care and never give up!
Last edited by karenLeigh on Mon Sep 29, 2008 2:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
babe_in_tenn
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2007 12:57 am
I never thought of myself as having obsessive thinking, but now that I understand circular thinking: Yes. I have always had circular thinking. As for self destructive behavior, I think many of us have varieties of doing this that don't seem to be obsessive, but it is. I used to drive way too fast, and I never looked when I flew over RR crossings. That is not normal, nor healthy! I recognized those behaviors somewhere between sessions two and six, and have stopped doing them. For me, once I recognized them, addressed the negative thoughts which always preceded the fast driving and RR crossing gambles, I was able to work on the thinking, and change it. An emotion always follows a thought. And a behavior, even an unhealthy one, also always follows a thought. You are in a good program to work on changing those harmful thoughts.
-
Guest
-
John * Thunder!
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:41 am
Hello pecos,I used to drive way too fast, and I never looked when I flew over RR crossings. That is not normal, nor healthy! I recognized those behaviors somewhere between sessions two and six, and have stopped doing them. For me, once I recognized them, addressed the negative thoughts which always preceded the fast driving
Thankyou once again...because of your reply to Annie you may have saved my life. Seriously!!!
I never realized that my actions I used when angry which was sooooo wrong and dangerous was anything to do with my OCD. It was just to me a way to let off steam. It caused great worry to my husband and my actions were so bad I will never again do it. I have a very fast car that I would take out when I was very upset...I will just leave it at that. Thankyou for posting what you did. I now really believe in the saying..TOO SOON OLD TOO LATE WISE. I just reached a new level of maturity thanks to you.
Sorry Annie I don't mean to take away from your post at all.
I have thought about you a lot and pray you are feeling better about yourself even a little...it's all baby steps so a little is better than nothing...ALWAYS.
Take care,