Negative Obsessing About Others & Situations

~HealthyMe~ · Post by **~HealthyMe~** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 11:51 pm

Lately I've taken to complaining about everyone and everything. Picking everything and everyone apart how bad they are or the situation is...

The reality is that okay even if this is the case my complaints will not change it. My negative energy is really bumming me out. I'm doing really well with work and school and feel on track. I'm also pregnant (I think maybe the hormones are adding to this). I want to be more positive and try to make the most of situations and people instead of finding the bad....

Any suggestions on how to stop myself from being sucked into a negative rant circle? I feel like by acknowledging this and writing it out I've taken the first step of recovery

Whizzie · Post by **Whizzie** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:33 am

Healthyme,

I think you hit the nail on the head, "it's bumming me out". Keep telling yourself that the cranky words comming out of your mouth is making you feel lousy.

I once heard someone say, "you need to forgive people for their actions against you; more for yourself than for them. Most of the time they don't care if you forgive them or not. By not forgiving them it is like, you drinking poison and hoping that they will die."

When someone pisses you off or does horrible things to you, talk to yourself about how your inital thoughts of anger are affecting you more than it will anyone else.

Karmerri · Post by **Karmerri** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 7:10 am

Healthyme,

Congratulations on the pregnancy and yes, boy can I relate!! I think I posted something about this last year...When I finished the program, I felt real great b/c of the positive dialogue I gave myself about everything and everyone, but it's hard work. Slowly, I've noticed I slacked off and it's like all I notice is the bad side of people and situations-real negative. I do catch it sometimes and try to turn it around but sometimes, it's too late and like you said, I've bummed myself out!!!

I will say that the one thing I started doing (again) is periodically throughout my day I think to myself (and sometimes out loud) all the things I am grateful for. Some are very important like health and family, some not as, like the sun shining in my living room during the day in the winter and it makes me feel warm and cozy, things like that. Thinking like that brings me calmness and I guess a sense of peace. Give it a try...Good Luck.

Tinka · Post by **Tinka** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 7:48 am

I use to do that too, until I started looking at the situation differently. I soon began to realize everyone is at a differnt place in their life, and not everyone had the same expectations I had. And if a person was negative toward me, it probably wasn't really about me, maybe they had other issues going on in their life, and I just happen to be in the wrong place at the time ,to get the build up, of it all to hit me.When I started relaxing more and just letting things be, and people be who they needed to be things got easier. Another thing I did that helped was I would find something good about that person or situation and focus on it.

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:49 am

hey Healthy Me!

Congrats on the bundle of joy! That is so exciting. There is NOTHING like a baby! Not that I have had any, I am enjoying our friends kids. My step daughter is going on 22, so it has been a LONG time.

Anyhow, I liked what Whizzie said....

By not forgiving them it is like, you drinking poison and hoping that they will die."

What I have done, and have gotten REAL good at it is to disconnect myself from the crap around me. I went shopping today, the lines were long, the weather cold and snowy, the roads were pretty bad and people were blocking isles in the store (and the isle are full of stuff to buy so there is not much room to get around) and in the parking lots with limited parking and many impatient people. I just ignored it all, did what I needed to do, got myself a decaf from Starbucks and drove home. Not ONCE did my blood boil!

I no longer allow people to get my goat. I can't control peoples (what I see as) ignorance, stupidity, selfishness. I CAN and am able to change my thoughts, feelings and actions towards them which in turn benefits MY mental and physical health. I no longer allow my emotions and actions to be controlled by what other people say or do. Recently I had to deal with someone that was difficult to work with, did their own thing as they pleased without regard for me. (THIS was outright obvious because other people took noticed and said something to me. I saw it too, but approached it a totally different way) My friends said they are actually shocked that I tolerated this person. They said they would have told this person where to go. I tolerated this person though. Not that the person was taking advantage of me, they just did as they pleased without ANY regard for me or others around us. I think this person is this way out of pure ignorance (or lack of maturity/manners/social skills) and not because they were being a jerk. Even if they were being a jerk, I can't control that either. I just let it roll. Honestly there was a few moments I felt like I was working with a time wasting, demanding, ordering, impatient, gotta have it NOW 2 year old and my blood boiled for a few minutes because this ADULT should know better. Who's should was that though? It was mine, I OWNED that! So I just had to stop myself and say this person is this way for whatever reason and my working with them is temporary. I just had to get through the project and then it would be over. I KNEW that getting angry, sad, etc over it was not going to help the situation or me. This person is this way and I am the way I am. There is not much that will get me angry or feeling negative anymore. I can't allow myself to give that power away to someone else. What will complaining about it do? Surely it will not fix anything! Frankly it would just leave me feeling down, neagative and crappy. So forget that. I have started to overlook bad manners and poor behavior, to overlook anger and ignorance. Actually, I overlook much. (sometimes I just have to laugh inside and shake my head at how people act out and treat others...savages! It really is pathetic, but all I can do is extend kindness and forget about it) I have to for my own sanity. I am not going to get sucked into the negative of the world.

You CAN'T allow outside forces beyond your control dictate your thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions. If you do that, you are a slave to the world. If you are in that mind, you will look around and see a TON of negative before the positive. That is just human nature. Most people see the glass half empty and NOT half full. Also some people like something to complain about, it detracts from their own dysfunction, stress, fear or whatever else may be going on that is not to their liking, normal, that is different from what they are used to, etc. Or I also know of people that when all is calm, they get nervous because they are accustom to constant drama. They are not used to things being calm and quiet and need something to stir about.

Whatever the case is, I know you will be able to get through it. You have worked very hard to get to where you are and you will not go backwards. You SEE what is eating at you and you will take the steps you need to to get back on track!

Congrats again! I do not get on here often anymore due to school, but take care. You can PM me if you want. I check it now and again.
Take care!
LizB

Whizzie · Post by **Whizzie** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:17 am

Schnauzermom,

I loved your post and it was perfect timing...I'm on my way out the door to do some Christmas shopping and I'm taking your words with me!

I also love the pic of your horse, as a horse owner, I always love to see other people's babies! (Yeah, me too, I wasn't blessed with kids but my stepkids and my animals have my heart!).

Good luck at school and the project with the "2 year old".

Atl Sweet Pea · Post by **Atl Sweet Pea** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 7:11 am

Hello HealthyMe,

I too can identify with what I will refer to as our "stinking thinking" Habits. I live in this world daily and judge everybody I come into contact with. I just started the program but even before this I saw it as a problem and am practicinf on changing these habits but it takes hard work and time. You have to immediately acknowledge these thoughts whe they comein to view and then ciounter react with more sympathetic thought either towards yourself or others as well.

I have to commend myslef yesterday I went to a CVS drug store and there was 1 person in line in front of me the cashier was off to the side counting money and did not even acknowledge us for about 5 minutes. Yes that was rude and my blood started to boil. I thought about how unprofessional rude and ignorant she was not to eve say...."i'll be with you all in a minute then I went on the add more and more negative thought s about the whole situation. Quickly It came to me that I should just leave the items in the store and go somewhere else because if I would have responded and rightfully so, I would have carried these negative feelings around with me for the rest of the day. This was definitely an improvement on my part. You have to acknowledeg these thoughts and then counter react in a more positive way. I slowly see it working in all aspects of my life. I am just on Lesson 3 but do feel this is all life changing.

Good luck on the new baby

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:39 am

Whizzie,

Hope your shopping experience was a pleasant one. Remember, WE are in control. We do not need to succumb to other peoples behaviors, feelings, words or actions regarding how others treat us. I am in charge of ME, not them. If they are ill-mannered, rude, ignorant then who's problem is that? It is THEREs! I am NOT making their short comings MY problem!

Stock Lady · Post by **Stock Lady** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:56 am

Dear schnauzermom and everyone else,
I work with my husband and he always knows all the
gossip. I keep trying to distract him to change the subject. Its often hard to not join in. We had an incident that was really traumatic. An assistant was hired that immediately started breaking all the rules. Personal emails and phone calls non stop. Came in late , called in absent on others days off, edited executives letters with no authority, spoke beyond her legal scope to the clients. She also started keeping a log on everything that the executives (HER BOSSES)were doing, including me. I got a new black horse and I needed help on a name and I suggested the name of a black politician, we all decided that was politically incorrect, although people name animals after celebrities all the time. That became part of her log demonstrating a hostile atmosphere in the office. We all get along, we all respect each
other, and we were all upset. The parent organization didn't want to fire her because they didn't want bad press. It consumed all of us. We couldn't believe it, she was trying to take us all down. We finally got rid of her by using a technicality. I got consumed in it. but now shes gone and we are okay. Its a little hard to totally forget it. I guess I will when I choose to. It was a very tough situation. I must say I have been proud of solving some consumer complaints I've had by not becoming angry or Rude. I deserve a gold star for a recent incident at the grocery store. My credit card was rejected for no good reason. I started to think what will everyone think of me? I stopped pulled out another credit card that went through. I was pleasant and didn't act like a jerk. I was really proud of myself. Another fantastic breakthrough is when I get help as soon as I am having trouble , or forget a password to my computer. I used to get insane and curse and rant and rave. I don't do that anymore and I realize that I feel better and more gets done. Another victory was for me to text message my trainer to call another client, when they called to complain that he hadn't returned their call. I want him to succeed but he doesn't like to return calls. I decided to no longer lecture and nag him and bring up the past over and over. His success is now up to him. When I spoke to him and asked about that client he said the client calls constantly. Then he got angry at me. No more of that. Today my challenge is to not have my expectations too high and to enjoy the trial, no matter what the dogs do or if they are judged fairly. So far I haven't been able to do that yet.
Katie

Whizzie · Post by **Whizzie** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:07 am

Stock Lady, wow what a trial that would have been to have an employee creating a log with everyone in it? Boy, she must have too much time on her hands and a mind that is pretty angry! Glad she is gone for you. Congrats on your new horse as well!

Schnauzermom, yes the shopping went well, it kind of looked like I was the only one in the mall - sign of the times I guess.