hey Healthy Me!
Congrats on the bundle of joy! That is so exciting. There is NOTHING like a baby! Not that I have had any, I am enjoying our friends kids. My step daughter is going on 22, so it has been a LONG time.
Anyhow, I liked what Whizzie said....
By not forgiving them it is like, you drinking poison and hoping that they will die."
What I have done, and have gotten REAL good at it is to disconnect myself from the crap around me. I went shopping today, the lines were long, the weather cold and snowy, the roads were pretty bad and people were blocking isles in the store (and the isle are full of stuff to buy so there is not much room to get around) and in the parking lots with limited parking and many impatient people. I just ignored it all, did what I needed to do, got myself a decaf from Starbucks and drove home. Not ONCE did my blood boil!
I no longer allow people to get my goat. I can't control peoples (what I see as) ignorance, stupidity, selfishness. I CAN and am able to change my thoughts, feelings and actions towards them which in turn benefits MY mental and physical health. I no longer allow my emotions and actions to be controlled by what other people say or do. Recently I had to deal with someone that was difficult to work with, did their own thing as they pleased without regard for me. (THIS was outright obvious because other people took noticed and said something to me. I saw it too, but approached it a totally different way) My friends said they are actually shocked that I tolerated this person. They said they would have told this person where to go. I tolerated this person though. Not that the person was taking advantage of me, they just did as they pleased without ANY regard for me or others around us. I think this person is this way out of pure ignorance (or lack of maturity/manners/social skills) and not because they were being a jerk. Even if they were being a jerk, I can't control that either. I just let it roll. Honestly there was a few moments I felt like I was working with a time wasting, demanding, ordering, impatient, gotta have it NOW 2 year old and my blood boiled for a few minutes because this ADULT
should know better. Who's
should was that though? It was mine, I OWNED that! So I just had to stop myself and say this person is this way for whatever reason and my working with them is temporary. I just had to get through the project and then it would be over. I KNEW that getting angry, sad, etc over it was not going to help the situation or me. This person is this way and I am the way I am. There is not much that will get me angry or feeling negative anymore. I can't allow myself to give that power away to someone else. What will complaining about it do? Surely it will not fix anything! Frankly it would just leave me feeling down, neagative and crappy. So forget that. I have started to overlook bad manners and poor behavior, to overlook anger and ignorance. Actually, I overlook much. (sometimes I just have to laugh inside and shake my head at how people act out and treat others...savages! It really is pathetic, but all I can do is extend kindness and forget about it) I have to for my own sanity. I am not going to get sucked into the negative of the world.
You CAN'T allow outside forces beyond your control dictate your thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions. If you do that, you are a slave to the world. If you are in that mind, you will look around and see a TON of negative before the positive. That is just human nature. Most people see the glass half empty and NOT half full. Also some people like something to complain about, it detracts from their own dysfunction, stress, fear or whatever else may be going on that is not to their liking, normal, that is different from what they are used to, etc. Or I also know of people that when all is calm, they get nervous because they are accustom to constant drama. They are not used to things being calm and quiet and need something to stir about.
Whatever the case is, I know you will be able to get through it. You have worked very hard to get to where you are and you will not go backwards. You SEE what is eating at you and you will take the steps you need to to get back on track!
Congrats again! I do not get on here often anymore due to school, but take care. You can PM me if you want. I check it now and again.
Take care!
LizB
"Afterall, everybody only hears what he understands." by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe