Anxiety over what is going on at work. Need help
For a long time now I have been worrying about what others think about me at work. Unfortunately most of who I consider my friends are co-workers. I have heard all the advice about not worrying about what others think, and focus on obtaining more friends from outside of work. I have had no luck at either. Some friends I have are customers of the company I work for so I don't get too close to them. Other friends are the husbands of my wife's friends. I guess what I really, really want is to feel completely free of feeling paranoid that I have done or said something to make someone at work upset at me, and lead them to talk about me behind my back. I cannot shake that feeling, no matter how much self-talk I give myself. Is my self esteem just that low, what can I do?
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Guest
Hi there:
I think that it is likely that people are goIng to talk no matter whether you say, do or say nothing or do little. It just seems to be what people do.
Even in families (big families) when you aren't there they are going to talk. They love you and they like you , but people just talk.
I could be wrong about this. But it is what I think.
So instead of trying to always say the right thing or do the right thing. (you can't) it seems a better way to spend one's time is to work on not caring.
We cannot please everyone.
So the best way to do is be honest and truthful.
But also be pretty casual with the people at work. Be true to yourself.
Just be yourself. And let people think and do and be what they choose.
You don't have to be afraid of what others think and say.
Just be yourself. work on the program and be your own best friend.
In the long run , you cannot make folks like you.
Build up your confidense in yourself by working the program and getting some good books to read.
And develope some faith. Leave things in the hands of God, as you understnad Him.
Be your own fan club.
In time folk will come to you. you will know who your friends are.
Best Wishes,
MJ
I think that it is likely that people are goIng to talk no matter whether you say, do or say nothing or do little. It just seems to be what people do.
Even in families (big families) when you aren't there they are going to talk. They love you and they like you , but people just talk.
I could be wrong about this. But it is what I think.
So instead of trying to always say the right thing or do the right thing. (you can't) it seems a better way to spend one's time is to work on not caring.
We cannot please everyone.
So the best way to do is be honest and truthful.
But also be pretty casual with the people at work. Be true to yourself.
Just be yourself. And let people think and do and be what they choose.
You don't have to be afraid of what others think and say.
Just be yourself. work on the program and be your own best friend.
In the long run , you cannot make folks like you.
Build up your confidense in yourself by working the program and getting some good books to read.
And develope some faith. Leave things in the hands of God, as you understnad Him.
Be your own fan club.
In time folk will come to you. you will know who your friends are.
Best Wishes,
MJ
I am so glad that you posted this.I have the same problem at work.I am a big people pleaser.I want everyone to like me and if I feel like they don't then I either try harder at getting them to like me or I feel uncomfortable around them.I am working on the same issues that you are so you are not alone in this.On one of the tapes I believe it is the assertive behavior tape is says that 20% of people are going to like you no matter what 20% of people are not going to like you no matter what and the other percent could go either way.We give ourself so much stress ovet things that we cannot control.We need to give up the control and just live.Hang in there we all have good days and bad days and that's normal.We are really strong people though and once we learn how to control our emotions we can do anything.We will get through this hang in there.