In a half an hour, me, my husband and my kids are going to a birthday party. This alone gets me in a 'weird' mood b/c I don't particulary like this kind of socializing but I do it anyways since doing the program. It's that time of month (so I am irritable.) On top of that, my Mom and Dad are staying the wknd b/c they had a party to attend also today. (they live in the next state over, a couple of hours away). My dad, who I love very, very much is one of the most negative people I know. And angry and miserable. We grew up kinda dealing with it and we have laughed it off alot. Well, since going thru this program, I realize it is not funny, that he probably has his own issues with anxiety and/or depression, and that I don't want to hear any of it. In fact, when I asserted myself earlier before they left (he was complaining about something ridiculous and I fired back somewhat), even my mother (who is very passive with him and that bugs me to no end...)got annoyed with me!
Now, I am so much trying to go about my day and be in a decent mood aware of some negative emotions from my monthly 'friend' and everything else, but I still feel 'mad' and upset over this. I love my parents, but every time I speak my mind about something I believe in or whatever, my dad says something crappy and throws his hands up or walks away and my Mom (who needs to do more of this) gets mad at me for 'rocking the boat' so to speak. I hate to say it, but for some reason, I feel more anger than I should about this. On top of all that, I am already wondering what's going to happen tonight when they get back here. Well, thanks for listening, I have to go to this friggin party now. Okay, I may not be in the best of moods, buts that okay, I can just sit back and listen to everyone and have a good time.......blah blah blah.
Dangerous Mix of Emotions-need to Vent!
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Guest
First of all, anyone going to a party they didn't want to attend, having the "monthly visitor", and hosting their dysfunctional parents for the weekend would feel as you do right now. Actually, pat yourself on the back for maintaining at all.
I think it's clear where you're anxiety stems from: angry/negative/anxious dad and co-dependant/anxious mom. I read "dear Abby" every morning and these issues are constantly addressed so you're not alone. The advice is always the same: tell mom and dad if they don't shape up, they can't stay anymore, etc. It's great advice but not very practical and totally ignores the fact that there is a dysfunctional family dynamic and not likely to change by reguest only.
I guess in the end, it's like I tell my son when he complains about something not going his way: It's not your choice of how other people act, but you can decide how you react and feel about it. I think that's the best choice any of us has, and has the added bonus of putting you in control of your well being rather then someone else deciding based on their bad behavior.
Anyhow, sorry for your nasty weekend. I hope you're feeling better now that it's behind you. Perhaps next time, you will be in a better position to ride it out by choosing to undereact or better yet, ignore. I know, easier said than done. I have the same problem with drunk, passive aggresive mom. I'm successful about 75% of the time.
I think it's clear where you're anxiety stems from: angry/negative/anxious dad and co-dependant/anxious mom. I read "dear Abby" every morning and these issues are constantly addressed so you're not alone. The advice is always the same: tell mom and dad if they don't shape up, they can't stay anymore, etc. It's great advice but not very practical and totally ignores the fact that there is a dysfunctional family dynamic and not likely to change by reguest only.
I guess in the end, it's like I tell my son when he complains about something not going his way: It's not your choice of how other people act, but you can decide how you react and feel about it. I think that's the best choice any of us has, and has the added bonus of putting you in control of your well being rather then someone else deciding based on their bad behavior.
Anyhow, sorry for your nasty weekend. I hope you're feeling better now that it's behind you. Perhaps next time, you will be in a better position to ride it out by choosing to undereact or better yet, ignore. I know, easier said than done. I have the same problem with drunk, passive aggresive mom. I'm successful about 75% of the time.
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Guest