Feeling Very Down And Upset Tonight - Help Please

[SusantheChatterbox]

I am so very tired of being an Agoraphobic and missing out on life. My brother has me so upset right now that if I wasn't afraid of dying and suicide I think I could almost go that route instead of continuing to live this way. Thank God for my faith in him and knowing God would not want me to give up that way.

I need everyones opinion who IS severely Agoraphobic. I have not been able to go very many places without panic or anxiety hitting me since the early 90's. In the beginning I did keep going places here in town but my last highway road trip was in '91 after a very bad panic attack hit on a trip to a hospital to see my only sister who has since then passed away. The Agoraphobia has been so bad I can't even go to my daughters house down the street. This weekend my 3 brothers and their families as well as one of my daughters and her family got together at a lodge to get together for the weekend. I was invited with everyone knowing how severe my Agoraphobia is. I have begged my brothers to read up on this horrible illness as well as panic attacks to get an idea of what I go through and how bad it affects me. They have not came to see me except for a few times over the years and two of my brothers live about an hour away with the other two further away. They travel all over the United States but never come to see me nor do they give me support or positive thoughts to help me get better. They basically shut me out. Since I can't/don't go see them they don't come see me and it hurts so bad. Anyway back to the point of this post. My brother emailed me from the lodge to tell me that he was playing with my granddaughters Alaina and Lillie and went into detail how he has been getting lots of hugs from them. His last sentence in the email was as follows. "Yeeeehaaa.. I am with the kids and your not." I started crying immediately after reading this. Although that comment wouldn't affect someone that wasn't Agoraphobic and most would look at it as a joke or taunt all said in fun, to me who can not go places and who has missed out on so many things including my Mother's Memorial Service (and all my brothers KNOW how much I have missed out on) it really hurt me. I just wished people like that could walk in an Agoraphobic's shoes just one freaking day to see what they feel and how it feels so that they would instantly and definitely gain a whole new insight to how much an Agoraphobic has lost. It's a prison that no one deserves to live in. Thank you for letting me vent.

God bless,
Susan

[Guest]

Susan,,,,I read your post and wanted to reply. I sincerely am sorry for the pain you are going through and know what it is like. I was severely agoraphobic and was unable to leave my bedroom without getting extreme anxiety. So, I know what you are going through...I wish I could tell you that the road out for me was easy, it has not been. However, with this program and doing what it says to do I am not free from many of my fears that held me prisoner. The biggest thing that helped me was to not avoid the things that caused me extreme anxiety. I know, thats the tough part....But, the only way to get better is to stop avoiding. Yikes....I pray with this program that you will gather the strength to start doing some of those things that cause you anxiety. It is a slow process...however, I have now been able to get on a plane, go in elevators, start a new job etc. This has all taken place within the last 8 weeks since I started the program. I also joined the Coaching program and it has helped tremendously. Hang in there...PM me if you would like....You will make it,,keep beleiving, do the work of the program and you will see in time it will get easier.

[Guest]

I feel your pain. I have never been told I have Agoraphobia but I belive I do suffer from it. I take medicine but I still have it. I know how you feel about not getting together with your family. I have a siestr that I love dearly but she doesn't understand. We live about 2 miles from each other and the last time I seen her was in July. It hurts me so much. I have missed out on alot of things. My daughters birthday is sunday and I don't know what to do. I posted a topic early today about it and nobody's responded. I feel real depressed and very alone. I'm so sorry for the pain that your feeling. I know it probably doesn't help but I'm feeling the same way tonight. I will pray for us both tonight.
Take-care and God bless you

[Guest]

I was agoraphobic for quite awhile myself and I know how it can really zap your self esteem. It's true that unless someone has experienced agoraphobia....it is difficult for them to understand how we feel and even to empathize with us. Phobia's involve an intricate thought process that alot of people don't comprehend. I am here for you. Don't beat yourself up, we do the best we can, each day can bring a new challenge. Set goals, pray to god, life is good.

[Guest]

oh I can so relate with you sad chatter I became extremely agrophobic in 84 finaly took medicine in 85 been on the medicine since and got some better to where I could go some places but not all it is so strange how this works I had a nephew that made fun of me and I remember wishing I could die but I had a little girl that needed me only God and another agrophobic knows are panic funny thing the way out is through the panic feel the fear and do it any way the running makes us worse I know I don't want to face it I am about 95 percent better but as long as there is alittle anxiety it can explode again we need to learn to not be afraid of the fear my daughter is grow and it bothers me that i missed a lot of cheer leading compatitions funerals my husbands heart surgery I could go on and on you are not alone there are several of us here do you have the program I suggest you work it like a job I have had it for several years never went through it all the way I am trying again I like to pretend I am not that bad stay in my safe place and let the world go by but when my safe place is no longer safe then what we must being the journey to healing and like formboy says it is not easy but I read about his travel and new job gosh I wish I could have done that but he faced the fear and did't die from it it is all alie we are no different than any one else my husband will say to me you mean you are with me and other people and something is gust going to happen to you if someone else could do it I could too he doesn't understand at all we should not expect them too

[Guest]

Hi, I'm not agoraphobic, but I understand the pain of people not understanding and making fun of what is so painful to you. I feel for any of us who have anxiety, depression, etc. It is so painful sometimes its like living in hell. I am an obsessive thinker and that creates my depression. Just keep practicing the skills,and eventually you will feel whole again. I know, you want it now, but it doesn't work that way although I wish it did. I hope you have a better day.
Viv

[Guest]

Thank you all so very much for the replies here and the private messages I have been sent. You have no idea how much they all mean to me. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone and that there are so many who know first hand what I feel and go through each and every day. I wouldn't wish what we go through on my worst enemy however there are a few people (who think with just a snap of my fingers I could go anywhere I choose to) that I would like to see walk in our shoes for just one full day. Thats all it would take for them to understand how scary and frustrating being Agoraphobic and fighting panic/anxiety really is. God bless each and every one of you as well as any other Agoraphobic or person with Anxiety related problems with healing and getting our lives back again.

God bless,
Susan