Weight gain
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Charlie Brown
- Posts: 442
- Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm
I too have gained alot of weight. I eat to deal with every emotion.
I feel anxious, I need something to do, I eat. I feel depressed, what the heck it doesn't matter anyway, I eat.
I'm happy, celebrate, I eat.
I'm bored, nothing else to do, I eat.
I'm busy, it's a habit, I eat fast.
I think my weight gain has contributed to a vicious cycle for me. I'm depressed about it. I don't want others to see me, not strangers, and certainly not people who knew me before. It contributes to my anxiety about going places and doing things. In itself, it prevents me from doing things I used to enjoy.
Weight gain, depression, anxiety. It's now a vicious circle. They 'feed' each other. haha
I know I have to stop this cycle somehow. I'm hoping this program is the start. I've tried all sorts of diets and systems. Nothing works for very long. I'm hoping if I fix my brain first, the rest will fall in line.
Hang in there. We will persevere.
I feel anxious, I need something to do, I eat. I feel depressed, what the heck it doesn't matter anyway, I eat.
I'm happy, celebrate, I eat.
I'm bored, nothing else to do, I eat.
I'm busy, it's a habit, I eat fast.
I think my weight gain has contributed to a vicious cycle for me. I'm depressed about it. I don't want others to see me, not strangers, and certainly not people who knew me before. It contributes to my anxiety about going places and doing things. In itself, it prevents me from doing things I used to enjoy.
Weight gain, depression, anxiety. It's now a vicious circle. They 'feed' each other. haha
I know I have to stop this cycle somehow. I'm hoping this program is the start. I've tried all sorts of diets and systems. Nothing works for very long. I'm hoping if I fix my brain first, the rest will fall in line.
Hang in there. We will persevere.
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Charlie Brown
- Posts: 442
- Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm
Although not TOTALLY/COMPLETELY, an essential part of recovery fr anxiety disorder/depression is OUR getting ourselves to a place where we are comfortable admitting what we're thinking & feeling THEN feel them. Basically, it amts to: <span class="ev_code_RED">admit/acknowledge/address + feel/face + healthy & realistic resolution of said emotions + letting go & moving on. </span> When we SURPRESSthese emotions, we often vent out via other means, over-eating is 1 of them(esp loads of all the wrong foods). We then become what is often referred to as <span class="ev_code_RED">emotional eaters.</span>This is another negative learned behavior, as Lucinda refer's to in her program. After enough practice doing this, it becomes familiar = a way of life. So that, we get more comfortable "eating our way" thru life's emotions inducing moments(whatever those emotions may be, good or bad), rather than "facing/feeling" these emotions respectively. It is what's referred to as THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTENCE. Why? Think about it for a moment: admitting/facing/feeling "resentment" + "anger" + deep seeded emotional pain" is HARD AS HELL. It can, in some cases, conjer(sp) up "remembrance" of events that triggered these emotions, that which WE JUST DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER = WE DON'T WANT TO GO THERE. Many times, we so don't want to <span class="ev_code_RED">"go there"</span> - we create(unknowlingly, initially) FEARS about not only the events, but the respective emotions as well. So, WE EAT OUR WAY THRU THEM. "OVER EATING" is simply a SYMPTOMof something else going on inside of us, that we don't want to DEAL W/. It is not the CAUSE.
Trust you me, I was the biggest emotional eater there was. I also had PTSD fr childhood experiences, some of which included "going hungry" again. I didn't realize I was doing this, lol - prior to anxiety disorder triggering. I'd have to have a lot of FOOD in my fridge + freezer + cuboards, etc - to feel safe & secure. Even when I was single, b/4 I got married. Then when I did get married, I lived to eat, not eat to live. Food represented a false sign of stability/security for me. LOL, like I said, for me & food, IT WAS DEEP, lol lol
You all know what anxiety disorder feels like, I am no different. Mine triggered in APRIL 2005. I was diagnosed w/ anxiety disorder + panic attacks & PTSD. Add to that mix, I was fat - the heaviest I had ever been in my life. I initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist. I realized, after maybe several sessions, how "uncomfortable" + "ill equipped" " in-experienced" I was w/ dealing w/ my emotions. So much so, I surpressed them for maybe 30+ yrs - imagine that, what a burden I placed on myself - such an unnecessary heavy load. THERE WAS A LIGHT THOUGH - as hard as it was, as painful as it was, little by little - the more I FELT all I didn't want to(all I feared) the better I felt. Then, the better I felt, the more CONTROL I GAINED over my emotions. Oprah calls it an "A-HA" moment. So, to help myself = to teach myself how to deal w/ my emotions INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY FR THEM + SURPRESSING THEM - I started journaling, a lot. Sure, my therapist guided me - but get real, there was only so much he could do. I had to want to - & I had to do it, I had to do the work = if I wanted to feel better. I won't lie, it was hard as heck. However, anxiety disorder for me, made me feel like I was in a <span class="ev_code_RED">prison, by myself - w/ in myself.</span> As a result of this "prison" I was lonely, very much so. So, I simply wanted to be free - I wanted to feel better. I could no longer deny the emotions, anxiety disorder forced my hand. It couldn't get any worse for me than it was back then. I had 2 choices: either I fester in that state & allow it to envelop me or I face & feel all I feared & gain my personal freedom back - for me. <span class="ev_code_RED">OVER - EATING is a lge part of this. Again, over eating is a symptom of our not wanting to address & feel whatever it may be.</span> I summized, if I want to feel better, I needed to learn a different way of living, cause the way I was living all along is what got me @ anxiety disorder's door, right?
When I purchased this PROGRAM & started it initially, in NOV 2006, I initiated some mild exercising & basic food changes - yes. Having recovered fr anxiety disorder, in MARCH 2007, I was diagnosed w/ DEPRESSION. I have never had depression like this in my life(I was 38 @ the time). I went back to therapy to face my depression - the "why's" behind it. I required a depression med as well. I remember telling therapist, "this is like some sick joke. I spend 2 yrs fighting like hell & working hard to recover fr anxiety disorder - only now to get depression". I honestly felt like I was going 12 rounds w/ MIKE TYSON @ his prime(emotionally & physically).
My depression scared me into taking SERIOUS ACTION - that included my addressing my "food issues" + "emotional eating + overeating" + "excessive weight gain". I was back then, MARCH 2007, a size 22 - I am only 5'3 1/2. I weighed in @ 212lbs. I had every single opportunity in the world NOT TO do a DARN THING. I was home, not working. I had been home, a/o 2007, for 2 yrs recovering. I had that corner store dwn the block(stocked w/ all those goodies) + I had my big comfortable bed calling my name @ my leisure + I had my couch telling me to assume position - "don't do anything, just lay here" + depression telling me: "don't shower, you dont need to" OR don't get dressed, why bother - you don't have to go anywhere" OR "go have something to eat - something good, you'll feel better - it will make the bad feelings go away" OR "why exercise, its too much work". DEPRESSION TRIED EVERYTHING ON THIS GREEN & GOD GIVEN EARTH, literally & physically, to paralize me & envelop me & stagnate me in a negative state of being. I didn't listen to depression, I fought like hell, & I DID IT ANYWAY.
I say this repetatively, Oprah said 1x, "motivation comes fr doing". I remembered that when my depression triggered. I had more emotional & physical pains w/ my depression than I could describe here. Just to get through the day, felt like I had 100's LBS of heavy metal chains on me, weighing me dwn - while simultaneously walking continously against an invisible forcefield that attempted to RESTRICT & PARALIZE me further. It took every single oz of MY BEING to just get through the day = bathing + dressing + chores + meals for my family + taking care of me + not allowing the depression to emcompass me/envelop me + to not isolate myself & get my behind outside, yes - even when I had no desire to. You see, that is what MY DEPRESSION WAS TELLING ME.
I realized there was a direct connection between my poor relationship with food, lack of consistent exercising, and how I felt. If I wanted to FEEL BETTER, then I needed to do something about it. Yes, that included doing things even when I felt like I didn't want to or couldn't - even when my energy level was @ a negative. So, every single day - 1 day @ a time, I got myself up: I exercised(@ home on treadmill or walking outside) + I showered/got dressed/put perfume on - yep, even if I was home alone)+ I so "positive self talked myself" - I thought I had another personality, lol (joking). I also addressed my food issues. Yes, 1st - I addressed the why's behind them in therapy - my underlying issues. If I didn't, they would just regurgitate themselves. Then, I knew I needed to establish a healthy ASSOCIATION TO FOOD/EATING. So, in June 2007(3 mths after being diagnosed w/ depression I joined WEIGHT WATCHERS. I established a CONSISTENT exercising thingy, lol. Everyday, no matter what, I had some form of physical movement: on the treadmill + outside walking + walking in the park + exercising @ the gym = something, anything. I attended my meetings every week. So, b/w therapy + me/my own self homework @ home(journaling, self reflection, etc) + w.w. meetings + daily/constistent exercising, changes were taking place: mentally/emotionally/physically/spiritually - ever so subtley/slowly - they were happening.
Depression DEMANDED I prove it wrong - it challened me/my soul/spirit/being every which way & then some. It wasn't & isn't easy. The rewards though are worth it. I am now 4 LBS away fr goal @ WEIGHT WATCHERS(goal = 140lbs)- ladies, I am size 4: <span class="ev_code_RED">yes, I started this 1 yr ago @ size 22</span>. Listen, no this was never about SMALLER SIZES. However, I am human & I am a woman.
In addition, my depression med has been lowered + I've returned to working after having been home for 3 1/2 yrs. I am recovering very nicely fr depression.
Yes, depression will cause weight gain. But, the fact that we are all now aware - puts us 1 step ahead of the game. When we know better, we can do better. If we want to truly recover fr depression, we need to initiate the ceasing of the facilitation of emotional eating. It equates to us taking responsibility for ourselves + our action + our behaviors + our emotional eating. We control what we put in our mouths.
You know, our country has the highest rate of obesity among adults & particularly our children, IN THE WORLD. We eat all the wrong things & excessively - our portion controls have gotten so way out of hand, we couldn't recognize a healthy portion if it faced us - rather we'd say "that's it". I'm no Jack Lalane or Lance Armstrong or whom ever else - I am just some woman fr NJ/WIFE who suffered fr anxiety disorder - fought like hell & recovered + suffers fr depression & is fighting like hell to recover - & I AM DOING IT. It's funny(well, not really) depress makes us feel all the worst things 1 could imagine or fathom. Our recovery fr depression dictates that we DO ALL THOSE THINGS ANYWAY - even when we lack motivation/will/desire & yes, sometimes physical strength.
You wanna make a change? I say to you all, "make a change & start today - get out of bed & get on your way(yes its a dance song) - don't be scared, your dreams are there - you want it - reach for it" Depression doesn't feel good. Neither does being over-weight & wearing tent size clothing to camoflage the weight we don't want others to see - that same weight we try to deny is there.
LENORE
Trust you me, I was the biggest emotional eater there was. I also had PTSD fr childhood experiences, some of which included "going hungry" again. I didn't realize I was doing this, lol - prior to anxiety disorder triggering. I'd have to have a lot of FOOD in my fridge + freezer + cuboards, etc - to feel safe & secure. Even when I was single, b/4 I got married. Then when I did get married, I lived to eat, not eat to live. Food represented a false sign of stability/security for me. LOL, like I said, for me & food, IT WAS DEEP, lol lol
You all know what anxiety disorder feels like, I am no different. Mine triggered in APRIL 2005. I was diagnosed w/ anxiety disorder + panic attacks & PTSD. Add to that mix, I was fat - the heaviest I had ever been in my life. I initiated therapy w/ my psychiatrist. I realized, after maybe several sessions, how "uncomfortable" + "ill equipped" " in-experienced" I was w/ dealing w/ my emotions. So much so, I surpressed them for maybe 30+ yrs - imagine that, what a burden I placed on myself - such an unnecessary heavy load. THERE WAS A LIGHT THOUGH - as hard as it was, as painful as it was, little by little - the more I FELT all I didn't want to(all I feared) the better I felt. Then, the better I felt, the more CONTROL I GAINED over my emotions. Oprah calls it an "A-HA" moment. So, to help myself = to teach myself how to deal w/ my emotions INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY FR THEM + SURPRESSING THEM - I started journaling, a lot. Sure, my therapist guided me - but get real, there was only so much he could do. I had to want to - & I had to do it, I had to do the work = if I wanted to feel better. I won't lie, it was hard as heck. However, anxiety disorder for me, made me feel like I was in a <span class="ev_code_RED">prison, by myself - w/ in myself.</span> As a result of this "prison" I was lonely, very much so. So, I simply wanted to be free - I wanted to feel better. I could no longer deny the emotions, anxiety disorder forced my hand. It couldn't get any worse for me than it was back then. I had 2 choices: either I fester in that state & allow it to envelop me or I face & feel all I feared & gain my personal freedom back - for me. <span class="ev_code_RED">OVER - EATING is a lge part of this. Again, over eating is a symptom of our not wanting to address & feel whatever it may be.</span> I summized, if I want to feel better, I needed to learn a different way of living, cause the way I was living all along is what got me @ anxiety disorder's door, right?
When I purchased this PROGRAM & started it initially, in NOV 2006, I initiated some mild exercising & basic food changes - yes. Having recovered fr anxiety disorder, in MARCH 2007, I was diagnosed w/ DEPRESSION. I have never had depression like this in my life(I was 38 @ the time). I went back to therapy to face my depression - the "why's" behind it. I required a depression med as well. I remember telling therapist, "this is like some sick joke. I spend 2 yrs fighting like hell & working hard to recover fr anxiety disorder - only now to get depression". I honestly felt like I was going 12 rounds w/ MIKE TYSON @ his prime(emotionally & physically).
My depression scared me into taking SERIOUS ACTION - that included my addressing my "food issues" + "emotional eating + overeating" + "excessive weight gain". I was back then, MARCH 2007, a size 22 - I am only 5'3 1/2. I weighed in @ 212lbs. I had every single opportunity in the world NOT TO do a DARN THING. I was home, not working. I had been home, a/o 2007, for 2 yrs recovering. I had that corner store dwn the block(stocked w/ all those goodies) + I had my big comfortable bed calling my name @ my leisure + I had my couch telling me to assume position - "don't do anything, just lay here" + depression telling me: "don't shower, you dont need to" OR don't get dressed, why bother - you don't have to go anywhere" OR "go have something to eat - something good, you'll feel better - it will make the bad feelings go away" OR "why exercise, its too much work". DEPRESSION TRIED EVERYTHING ON THIS GREEN & GOD GIVEN EARTH, literally & physically, to paralize me & envelop me & stagnate me in a negative state of being. I didn't listen to depression, I fought like hell, & I DID IT ANYWAY.
I say this repetatively, Oprah said 1x, "motivation comes fr doing". I remembered that when my depression triggered. I had more emotional & physical pains w/ my depression than I could describe here. Just to get through the day, felt like I had 100's LBS of heavy metal chains on me, weighing me dwn - while simultaneously walking continously against an invisible forcefield that attempted to RESTRICT & PARALIZE me further. It took every single oz of MY BEING to just get through the day = bathing + dressing + chores + meals for my family + taking care of me + not allowing the depression to emcompass me/envelop me + to not isolate myself & get my behind outside, yes - even when I had no desire to. You see, that is what MY DEPRESSION WAS TELLING ME.
I realized there was a direct connection between my poor relationship with food, lack of consistent exercising, and how I felt. If I wanted to FEEL BETTER, then I needed to do something about it. Yes, that included doing things even when I felt like I didn't want to or couldn't - even when my energy level was @ a negative. So, every single day - 1 day @ a time, I got myself up: I exercised(@ home on treadmill or walking outside) + I showered/got dressed/put perfume on - yep, even if I was home alone)+ I so "positive self talked myself" - I thought I had another personality, lol (joking). I also addressed my food issues. Yes, 1st - I addressed the why's behind them in therapy - my underlying issues. If I didn't, they would just regurgitate themselves. Then, I knew I needed to establish a healthy ASSOCIATION TO FOOD/EATING. So, in June 2007(3 mths after being diagnosed w/ depression I joined WEIGHT WATCHERS. I established a CONSISTENT exercising thingy, lol. Everyday, no matter what, I had some form of physical movement: on the treadmill + outside walking + walking in the park + exercising @ the gym = something, anything. I attended my meetings every week. So, b/w therapy + me/my own self homework @ home(journaling, self reflection, etc) + w.w. meetings + daily/constistent exercising, changes were taking place: mentally/emotionally/physically/spiritually - ever so subtley/slowly - they were happening.
Depression DEMANDED I prove it wrong - it challened me/my soul/spirit/being every which way & then some. It wasn't & isn't easy. The rewards though are worth it. I am now 4 LBS away fr goal @ WEIGHT WATCHERS(goal = 140lbs)- ladies, I am size 4: <span class="ev_code_RED">yes, I started this 1 yr ago @ size 22</span>. Listen, no this was never about SMALLER SIZES. However, I am human & I am a woman.
In addition, my depression med has been lowered + I've returned to working after having been home for 3 1/2 yrs. I am recovering very nicely fr depression. Yes, depression will cause weight gain. But, the fact that we are all now aware - puts us 1 step ahead of the game. When we know better, we can do better. If we want to truly recover fr depression, we need to initiate the ceasing of the facilitation of emotional eating. It equates to us taking responsibility for ourselves + our action + our behaviors + our emotional eating. We control what we put in our mouths.
You know, our country has the highest rate of obesity among adults & particularly our children, IN THE WORLD. We eat all the wrong things & excessively - our portion controls have gotten so way out of hand, we couldn't recognize a healthy portion if it faced us - rather we'd say "that's it". I'm no Jack Lalane or Lance Armstrong or whom ever else - I am just some woman fr NJ/WIFE who suffered fr anxiety disorder - fought like hell & recovered + suffers fr depression & is fighting like hell to recover - & I AM DOING IT. It's funny(well, not really) depress makes us feel all the worst things 1 could imagine or fathom. Our recovery fr depression dictates that we DO ALL THOSE THINGS ANYWAY - even when we lack motivation/will/desire & yes, sometimes physical strength.
You wanna make a change? I say to you all, "make a change & start today - get out of bed & get on your way(yes its a dance song) - don't be scared, your dreams are there - you want it - reach for it" Depression doesn't feel good. Neither does being over-weight & wearing tent size clothing to camoflage the weight we don't want others to see - that same weight we try to deny is there.
LENORE
Your greatest challenge isn't someone else. It's the aching i your lungs & the burning in your legs & the voice inside you that yells "CAN'T". But you don't listen. You push harder & hear the voice that whispers "CAN". An you realize that the person you thought you were is no match for the one you REALLY ARE.
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Unicorn1524
- Posts: 45
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:20 am
Great post Lenore! Talk about your blow by blow, step by step!
I often recommend (mostly to myself!), the BTN work out. Which is simply 'Better Thank Nothing!'. Walk for 10 mins, 10 situps watching tube, a few curls, whatever. But like you said, to start out, just do a little something everyday....but make yourself do it!!!
How about depressive setbacks? Have you experienced any of those? I have about a 2 month window of intensity which then starts to wane and then I'm right back eating junk, feeling like garbage, and wallowing in misery. How have you kept up your momentum?
I often recommend (mostly to myself!), the BTN work out. Which is simply 'Better Thank Nothing!'. Walk for 10 mins, 10 situps watching tube, a few curls, whatever. But like you said, to start out, just do a little something everyday....but make yourself do it!!!
How about depressive setbacks? Have you experienced any of those? I have about a 2 month window of intensity which then starts to wane and then I'm right back eating junk, feeling like garbage, and wallowing in misery. How have you kept up your momentum?