HI..this post is more on a personal problem that I am having with my marriage. I hope someone has some advice. I am unaware of where else I could get advice. I do suffer from anxiety and depression, have for most of my life, and I am worried that maybe I am being a push over right now in my life.
My husband has been causing me lots of anxiety since we've been married, about 2 years. He is constantly texting other women and requesting nude pics of these women. We have discussed him having a problem, and how his actions hurt me and just when I think everything is smoothed over again I find evidence otherwise. This has been going for almost two years. He purchases porn often, wasting money and time, when there are more things he could be doing to help around the house instead.
I have found several numbers on his cell and several texts from various women. I dont think he is having affairs because I always check up on these numbers and they are always from far away. I just keep hoping he will change and that things will get better. I have asked him to seek counseling and now I am at the point in my life where I am really considering leaving.
However he has put up with all of my problems with anxiety and depression and I kind of feel
guilty about that.
Also the thought of living by myself really concerns me because of my anxiety. Hope someone has some advice. Thanks.
A push over??
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Guest
I am certainly not an expert on marriage, having never been married. However, I did have a fiance who had a porn addiction. I determined that I was not able to deal with that, and I called off the wedding. I have never regretted that decision.
You will not be able to change him. The only thing you can decide is whether you can live with this or not. Perhaps you can find a way to accept him as he is. If you can't, you will have a tough decision to make.
You will not be able to change him. The only thing you can decide is whether you can live with this or not. Perhaps you can find a way to accept him as he is. If you can't, you will have a tough decision to make.
Don't be afraid.....you can be on your own. Having to deal with someone doing that sort of thing means potential bigger problems in future. It is about trusting....do you feel you trust him after what you have just said he does?
Don't take on the feeling of guilt just because you have this disorder. You are one who deserves respect from your mate for the person you are.
The choice is yours......love yourself enough to know what you have to do.....if you look deep inside you already have the answer.
Don't take on the feeling of guilt just because you have this disorder. You are one who deserves respect from your mate for the person you are.
The choice is yours......love yourself enough to know what you have to do.....if you look deep inside you already have the answer.
ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY
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Guest
Oh sweetheart! Yuck and ouch!
First of all, Unicorn is right. If you can't accept that he has the problem, then you have tough decision to make. People can get over these addictions, but it a real process...it takes some real counseling and someone who REALLY wants to change. This is not something he is going to be able to change just because it hurts you. A drug addict can not stop using just because it hurts someone else. It is a fight, and takes some real support. The deeper and strong the hold is on a person with this issue, the longer it takes and the more serious steps they have to take to overcome it.
I can tell you straight up from personal knowledge, from what it sounds like from your post, this guy won't just stop. And if the risk of losing you is not enough to make him get REALLY serious about counseling and support groups and being accountable to other men...you are going to live with this or have to leave. It is that simple.
If you can not live with this, then the first thing you should do is to start working out what steps you are going to take to get out. Frankly it sounds like you are willing to put up with such behavior because the anxiety and depression has your self-esteem so low you don't think you can get any better than him, or perhaps you don't think you deserve better. Perhaps you should start some counseling to build your own confidence so you can deal with the issue at hand. You also need to read everything you can and get informed about this addiction so you will not be disillusioned. That way if you want there to be any possibility of seeing this marriage work out, you will know what clear expectations you can give him in order to see that happen.
THIS WILL NOT JUST GO AWAY. My girlfriends and I have been through them all honey. We finally got to a point in our lives where we helped each other keep looking back in the mirror and get REAL HONEST WITH OURSELVES.
You need to start setting up your support group. Your options, and learn about the addiction. Once you have done this, sit down with him and GET REAL girl! You can do it! You are worthy!
First of all, Unicorn is right. If you can't accept that he has the problem, then you have tough decision to make. People can get over these addictions, but it a real process...it takes some real counseling and someone who REALLY wants to change. This is not something he is going to be able to change just because it hurts you. A drug addict can not stop using just because it hurts someone else. It is a fight, and takes some real support. The deeper and strong the hold is on a person with this issue, the longer it takes and the more serious steps they have to take to overcome it.
I can tell you straight up from personal knowledge, from what it sounds like from your post, this guy won't just stop. And if the risk of losing you is not enough to make him get REALLY serious about counseling and support groups and being accountable to other men...you are going to live with this or have to leave. It is that simple.
If you can not live with this, then the first thing you should do is to start working out what steps you are going to take to get out. Frankly it sounds like you are willing to put up with such behavior because the anxiety and depression has your self-esteem so low you don't think you can get any better than him, or perhaps you don't think you deserve better. Perhaps you should start some counseling to build your own confidence so you can deal with the issue at hand. You also need to read everything you can and get informed about this addiction so you will not be disillusioned. That way if you want there to be any possibility of seeing this marriage work out, you will know what clear expectations you can give him in order to see that happen.
THIS WILL NOT JUST GO AWAY. My girlfriends and I have been through them all honey. We finally got to a point in our lives where we helped each other keep looking back in the mirror and get REAL HONEST WITH OURSELVES.
You need to start setting up your support group. Your options, and learn about the addiction. Once you have done this, sit down with him and GET REAL girl! You can do it! You are worthy!
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Guest
Thanks so much for all the advice. I know I do have self esteem issues, and my husband does know about this. I just hate to think that he is taking advantage of my nice nature. I have read lots of things about sex and porn addiction and I have talked to him about getting counseling but he is embarrased about the problem.
I really feel inside that I should leave, I guess it's just making myself make the first step. Me and my husband just went over this a few weeks ago when I found some obscene messages on his phone and I told him I had checked around about getting a divorce. He acted surprised but didnt really try and discuss anything.
He always talks about how he doesnt feel like he gets enough attention, but he rarely shows me attention and I am not doing the things that he is. I hate to go on and on about this I guess I just dont know what else to do.
Frances your advice is really straightforward and I really appreciate it, you are right I have 2 options. I guess I just needed someone else to tell me what I already knew. Again, thanks so much.
I really feel inside that I should leave, I guess it's just making myself make the first step. Me and my husband just went over this a few weeks ago when I found some obscene messages on his phone and I told him I had checked around about getting a divorce. He acted surprised but didnt really try and discuss anything.
He always talks about how he doesnt feel like he gets enough attention, but he rarely shows me attention and I am not doing the things that he is. I hate to go on and on about this I guess I just dont know what else to do.
Frances your advice is really straightforward and I really appreciate it, you are right I have 2 options. I guess I just needed someone else to tell me what I already knew. Again, thanks so much.