I used to think this was a good trait, but as i've got older it seems to be a hinderance rather than a help. What I mean by people pleaser is for example, If I say i'll meet you for breakfast not only is there no chance of me not appearing but I'll be there at least 15 min early because i'll not want to run the chance that you'll be early and i'll end up keeping you waiting.
Or if you ask me to do something, even if I don't want to do it i'll do it because i'll not want to let you down.
Or today for example I am of work with a bug, I feel very very guilty as I am letting my employer down.
This is a good trait I suppose it it leaves you open to people taking advantage of you, especially at work you get all the $hit because people know you will do it, And you never progress anywhere as you'll not want to annoy anyone by asking for a promotion or a payrise.
How do I go about doing whats right for me without feeling guilty?
BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER?
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Guest
Rockefeller,
I can relate. I call it "Catholic guilt". I think we just have this innate ability to want to please people and it begins with pleasing our parents. I get taken advantage of because I am too readily to jump in and save the day when it comes to volunteering at my children's high school. I think we have to start by pleasing ourselves first. If it works for you then do it and we have to learn that we matter the most. I'm on lesson 3 and it is the positive thinking section. Try not to take things personally. Boy, do I know that's hard. Just think that the other person has a problem with negative thinking and they may need an attitude adjstment themselves.
I can relate. I call it "Catholic guilt". I think we just have this innate ability to want to please people and it begins with pleasing our parents. I get taken advantage of because I am too readily to jump in and save the day when it comes to volunteering at my children's high school. I think we have to start by pleasing ourselves first. If it works for you then do it and we have to learn that we matter the most. I'm on lesson 3 and it is the positive thinking section. Try not to take things personally. Boy, do I know that's hard. Just think that the other person has a problem with negative thinking and they may need an attitude adjstment themselves.
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Guest
I do agree with you that this is a wonderful trait to have, but it's unfortunate that people take advantage of people's kindness. I don't know if you have the program or how far you are in it, but lesson 7 speaks directly about this very thing that you are going through. "Assertive Behavior: Speak Confidently and Gain Respect". Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, you can tell someone in a nice way that you do not want to do something, and if they take it personally, you should not feel badly, and you will be surprised when you find that voice to speak up for yourself it will feel so wonderful!!! TC Karen
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Guest
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Guest
I can totally relate to this trait. My kids get more catering done for them (by me) than is probably healthy, I will walk someone to the door who is probably perfectly capable of being dropped off ten blocks away, and I will do something just because someone "needs" me to do it! I am an "unpaid staff" member at a local animal shelter, and just keep piling on the work because there isn't anyone else that can do it! My kids are all home learners, so you can imagine how unbalanced I feel! I love doing SO much stuff, but it gets shelved for the needs of others. When I do get to do what I want, it is almost like an addiction or obsession- kind of like sneaking off into the corner to eat a chocolate bar without being spotted!
Another word for people pleaser might be DOORMAT!
Another word for people pleaser might be DOORMAT!
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Guest
Hey everyone!
I can relate too. Especially with my dad I have always felt like I let him down, like I have to be perfect or he won't love me or I'll disappoint him. I also feel that way with my friends. I'll go out of my way for all the freinds I can possibly think of during Christmas or other holidays and I often feel as though I'm trying too hard to get others to appreciate me or people are asking too much of me. I think that it is good to please others, but you also have to take care of yourself. How are you ever going to truely help someone else if your basic needs are barely getting met. Something I still need to work on. If your hair is standing on end when someone asks you to do something and you automatically feel tired or like your shuting down. Say "no" you obviously have too much on your plate already or you woukdn't feel that strongly. I hope this helps.
I can relate too. Especially with my dad I have always felt like I let him down, like I have to be perfect or he won't love me or I'll disappoint him. I also feel that way with my friends. I'll go out of my way for all the freinds I can possibly think of during Christmas or other holidays and I often feel as though I'm trying too hard to get others to appreciate me or people are asking too much of me. I think that it is good to please others, but you also have to take care of yourself. How are you ever going to truely help someone else if your basic needs are barely getting met. Something I still need to work on. If your hair is standing on end when someone asks you to do something and you automatically feel tired or like your shuting down. Say "no" you obviously have too much on your plate already or you woukdn't feel that strongly. I hope this helps.