i have really bad social anxiety when i am in new situations and/or with people i don't trust or know much. my biggest fear is to have groups of people talk bad about me and not like me. i have had it happen in my life before where i probably manifested my fears into reality.
i do have a group of friends, but i feel reluctant to share my innermost thoughts and fears with them. i tell my mom occasionally but feel like she has dealt with my social anxiety issues more than enough. i also have seen a counselor but don't have the money to keep seeing her every week.
i often feel unworthy around peolple i don't know well-like i am not good enough to be friends with them.
today i had class and felt my same insecure feelings coming up that no one liked me and i was unworthy. my class is a group counseling class and we are required to have a group sesssion where we all share our here-and-now thoughts and give feedback to each other. i revealed something that made me feel very insecure afterwards and then felt like i wasn't good enough to talk to anybody after that so i left class after it ended as soon as i could without talking to anybody because i felt like they thought i was insecure/too sensitive.
my problem is that this is my biggest fear-having a group of people think i am too sensitive and not good enough to be friends with them while they are all bonding. sometimes i can control these fears of mine and sometimes they become too overwhelming and i act according to my negative thoughts then cut myself off from others.
my question is has anybody else had this problem and how did you overcome it or deal with it?
So scared
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Guest
You're not alone. I know the feeling well. College class with group sessions (many years ago!) were a nightmare. I usually stammered and couldn't even participate. Learn to rely on the few friends that you have. You also need to use the Program tape about self-talk. You're as good as anyone else in class or anywhere else, and soon you'll know it. At this point I can even handle talking to a live michrophone or TV camera! Who would have thought it?? You'll get there too! Ihave a list of other fears with which the Program and friends on this site are helping me. Hang in there!
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Guest
i feel like i try to put myself out there even though it's hard for me and then i feel like i'm judged-which may or not be true and then i get scared and start fearing that others think i'm weak/stupid/whatever.
i don't have the program i just come on here b/c i know a lot of people on here are facing the same issues i am (anxiety, depression)-do you think the program would be beneficial or do you think anything else would be? has the self-talk tape really worked for you?
thanks for the response-it makes me feel not so alone and alien-like. i'm glad you're making progress! i'm trying to hang in there-i just feel so alone and fearful but this board helps.
i don't have the program i just come on here b/c i know a lot of people on here are facing the same issues i am (anxiety, depression)-do you think the program would be beneficial or do you think anything else would be? has the self-talk tape really worked for you?
thanks for the response-it makes me feel not so alone and alien-like. i'm glad you're making progress! i'm trying to hang in there-i just feel so alone and fearful but this board helps.
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Guest
You're not alone! You're also not weak or stupid. You will get to the point where you don't really care if others are looking at you or judging you. From one of the tape sessions you learn that most people don't criticize or judge you because they're too busy trying to take care of themselves!. The program really is good if you can get it. It really helped me through several problems. My next one: the #%#$% weather. It sscares the hell out of me. The program, nice people on this site, and a small amount of med are helpinmg me to beat this problem also. If you get the program you will need it more than once. Honest! Hang in there...
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Guest
Kkat119,
Are you a college student? If you are most colleges have counceling centers for just this kind of stuff and is FREE for students and employees. Check with the health department on campus and I'm sure they can tell you all about it. Also, call one of the numbers on this site. Sometimes they will work with people with payments or whatever so they can get the help they need. On the front page of this site they also have a drawing everyday to win a full program. Now, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! you are NOT weak, stupid or anything like that! The anxiety we have is US doing it to ourselves. No more, no less.
I have a thought for you. You have social anxiety and have a tough time talking to/ in front of, strangers or groups. Starngers are friends you havent met yet. Right? Now you may be thinking, "right, but, I feel like that meeting new people so what go does that do for me?" Pick one person in your class that looks/seems to be really down to earth. And just simply look at them and smile. Thats it. A smile. Do that every day. The more you do that you/they will get the willingness to talk to them/you. The thought they will have of you is, "that person looks really nice and smiles at me every day. I bet we could become pals." And that same thought should be building in your head. It takes steps to get over this crap. The steps may be baby steps and some may even feel like they go backwards but the nice thing about baby steps in that recovering from going backwards it doesnt take much to turn it around.
Enjoy, relax and have fun!
Are you a college student? If you are most colleges have counceling centers for just this kind of stuff and is FREE for students and employees. Check with the health department on campus and I'm sure they can tell you all about it. Also, call one of the numbers on this site. Sometimes they will work with people with payments or whatever so they can get the help they need. On the front page of this site they also have a drawing everyday to win a full program. Now, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! you are NOT weak, stupid or anything like that! The anxiety we have is US doing it to ourselves. No more, no less.
I have a thought for you. You have social anxiety and have a tough time talking to/ in front of, strangers or groups. Starngers are friends you havent met yet. Right? Now you may be thinking, "right, but, I feel like that meeting new people so what go does that do for me?" Pick one person in your class that looks/seems to be really down to earth. And just simply look at them and smile. Thats it. A smile. Do that every day. The more you do that you/they will get the willingness to talk to them/you. The thought they will have of you is, "that person looks really nice and smiles at me every day. I bet we could become pals." And that same thought should be building in your head. It takes steps to get over this crap. The steps may be baby steps and some may even feel like they go backwards but the nice thing about baby steps in that recovering from going backwards it doesnt take much to turn it around.
Enjoy, relax and have fun!
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Guest
Dear Wildcard-yes i am a student. i have a counselor that i have seen on and off for years and i am attached to her i guess, but i do have free access to counselors in my school.
my problem is i already feel like i made a fool of myself and made myself look weak in front of others so now i am paranoid that no matter what i say or do (i.e. smiling at people), people are not going to like me. this is probably not true but for some reason i can't get past these thoughts right now. i feel so insecure and worthless at this time and know i shouldn't but don't know how to change it. i have had counseling, hypnosis, read many books, and i feel like i'm losing hope that i can change. i am not always like this though-its just certain situations that trigger these intense fears of mine.
i had a couple bad social situations happen to me over the years that i don't know how to get past and i seem to keep recreating them due to my intense fears that it can happen again.
thanks so much for your advice, i really appreciate it. it makes me feel like i'm not alone and lets me get more out of my negative thoughts.
my problem is i already feel like i made a fool of myself and made myself look weak in front of others so now i am paranoid that no matter what i say or do (i.e. smiling at people), people are not going to like me. this is probably not true but for some reason i can't get past these thoughts right now. i feel so insecure and worthless at this time and know i shouldn't but don't know how to change it. i have had counseling, hypnosis, read many books, and i feel like i'm losing hope that i can change. i am not always like this though-its just certain situations that trigger these intense fears of mine.
i had a couple bad social situations happen to me over the years that i don't know how to get past and i seem to keep recreating them due to my intense fears that it can happen again.
thanks so much for your advice, i really appreciate it. it makes me feel like i'm not alone and lets me get more out of my negative thoughts.
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Guest
KKat,
Honey, don't be scared!! I did the program in 2005 and it really changed my life. I came on here because I literally beat myself up mentally about running my own business and not meeting a goal. You are an amazing individual that God made and you should feel awesome that you have the opportunity to get to talk to people! This is an amazing time in your life. Whatever happened in the past, happened in the past. Don't be scared, journal and write down all the weird stuff you are thinking, and really open up to someone, it will make you vulnerable but you see how much more confidence you will have. It's going to get better, IF you want it to! I promise.
Honey, don't be scared!! I did the program in 2005 and it really changed my life. I came on here because I literally beat myself up mentally about running my own business and not meeting a goal. You are an amazing individual that God made and you should feel awesome that you have the opportunity to get to talk to people! This is an amazing time in your life. Whatever happened in the past, happened in the past. Don't be scared, journal and write down all the weird stuff you are thinking, and really open up to someone, it will make you vulnerable but you see how much more confidence you will have. It's going to get better, IF you want it to! I promise.
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Guest
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Guest
kkat119,
Don't give up! and, yes, I think you would never be sorry if you try this program!! My biggest fear is also not being liked, esp. being laughed at. I have been insecure all my life and I remember having my first panic attack at 9. I am 58 now, so that is a long time. However, I have pushed myself to do things. I have had many counselors, but I was never given the tools to overcome my anxiety/depression until now!! What a waste! You are young! You can change your future!! Think of the possibilities for you!
It sounds like your Mom had similar anxiety. I know now, some of this is hereditary. My Mom was a constant worrier also with low self esteem. One thing in the program that really opened my eyes was the session on "negative self-talk". I never realized how negative I was. If you constantly tell yourself you are not worthy, your brain will believe it! Carry a notebook and make a check mark everytime you have a negative thought, it won't take you long to figure out what you are teaching yourself! Get Lucinda's book "from Panic to Power" and a book titled "What to say when you talk to yourself". YOU CAN DO THIS!!
Don't give up! and, yes, I think you would never be sorry if you try this program!! My biggest fear is also not being liked, esp. being laughed at. I have been insecure all my life and I remember having my first panic attack at 9. I am 58 now, so that is a long time. However, I have pushed myself to do things. I have had many counselors, but I was never given the tools to overcome my anxiety/depression until now!! What a waste! You are young! You can change your future!! Think of the possibilities for you!
It sounds like your Mom had similar anxiety. I know now, some of this is hereditary. My Mom was a constant worrier also with low self esteem. One thing in the program that really opened my eyes was the session on "negative self-talk". I never realized how negative I was. If you constantly tell yourself you are not worthy, your brain will believe it! Carry a notebook and make a check mark everytime you have a negative thought, it won't take you long to figure out what you are teaching yourself! Get Lucinda's book "from Panic to Power" and a book titled "What to say when you talk to yourself". YOU CAN DO THIS!!
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Guest
kkat119 - You sound so much like I was many years ago; always worried about what people thought of me, worried about not being good enough, not fitting in to any social situation. The older I got, I realized that everybody, and I mean everybody, has their own issues and insecurities they are dealing with. I think that because you are worried about what people think of you, you are a very sensitive person who most likely has the awesome ability to empathize with others. It is very easy for us to beat ourselves up with negative self-talk, but try to sit down and write everything you are grateful for, and all your positive traits - when you are done you will realize you have more positive things on your list than you ever thought. Keep that list with you too to remind yourself when you do start to feel you are being judged.
Like equistrian1 recommends, getting Lucinda's book Power to Panic is a great idea. I read that in conjunction with this program. It does work.
Keep positive,
Lisa
Like equistrian1 recommends, getting Lucinda's book Power to Panic is a great idea. I read that in conjunction with this program. It does work.
Keep positive,
Lisa