feeling not like myself

living_4_the-future · Post by **living_4_the-future** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:38 am

For about the past year or so, I have not been sure about how I feel about things. I have had anxiety since I was in the first grade. But now lately I dont even know how I feel like I know I am not happy, but I dont know if i am sad either. I am kinda numb. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now, and we actually got into a fight about a week ago and we broke up (only for a short time) and I didnt know how I felt about it, I didnt cry about it that much but i thought about him and I missed him, with past experiences like that i would have cried my eyes out for days. After that had happened I started getting the derealization feelings again, I know that I am here, but I dont know how i feel, i feel detached. It comes and it goes. I just turned 21 yesterday, and I feel like I am going to miss out on my 20's bc I let myself be distracted with my anxiety pretty much all threw my teens. I was afraid to do anything and I still am. I am starting to think that the way I have been feeling the numb feeling is from my meds. I have been on lexapro for about 4 or more years now, ever since i was 16 so I dont remember how it feels when i am off them, I am thinking now, I have been on those meds for so long but I am still feeling like this, i still get depressed, I still have anxiety. Now when i go threw my stages of my bad anxiety and they up my dose it does help. But a big part of me wants off them but is too scared to do it. I have started over the program for the 4th time, i have not finished it yet. I guess bc of the fear of it not working, or i start feeling better so i stop. Someone please help me out. I am so sick of feeling stuck and trapped in my own skin

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:28 am

Hello Living.

You're not dumb. You're anxious, depressed, and confused about a lot of stuff. Try not to worry that the program is not going to work, just do it. It worked for many people including ME. Stop beating yourself up. Come on here and ask more questions. I see that you only have 16 posts. Read other people's posts and respond to them. You will learn a lot from them.

I think you've tried the meds, now try it without meds. Talk to your doctor and see if you should get off of them, or maybe he can try some others. But I think that if you're not severly depressed, you can do this without medication. But, this is just my opinion. Take care girl.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:12 am

i kind of go through similar feelings. the derealization is really hard to deal with. i feel like i can't remember to do things that i've done my entire life because all i can focus on is my own obsessive worrying and thinking. i have never been on medications and i have that same numb, out of touch feeling. and guess what, i feel better when i start things over because i get the feeling that i will do it bigger and better than i did before. then i get into it and get the same feeling of doubt and i stop. i hope that doesn't happen with me because i just started the program. but only time will tell and i am going to try not to worry about it and just do it because it will help if you let it. i want to escape the way of thinking that leads you to say "oh, that's just not for me." because that just leads to quitting and nothing is ever accomplished. i want to enter into thinking that once ive started something, i have to finish it. if it doesn't work out, it will be fun trying something else. no time has been wasted, just new experiences gained. i have started college over 5 times now and i am just now realizing its because of my anxiety and way of thinking. i will finish next time i try because i will finish this program. i hope you can relate to what i am saying and find the motivation to do the same. nothing has to be done perfectly, its just finishing thats the key. you can do it. finish it and then you will be able to do anything you want.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:14 am

hey Living,
I too feel like an outsider or one that doesn't feel love or emotions alot of the times. I do believe that this is because we are consumed by our anxieties that this is our main focus. i really want to get back to my true emotions and sense of self worth etc. I am on session 5 now, on Cymbalta, and struggle some days. I am determined to work hard and get better as i have a child on the way due in September and i want to be the best father possible. I am an avid surfer, runner, play soccer and at times do not want to do anything becuase of my worrying. Alot of days are tough and some days I don't know whether i am coming or going but we need to keep at it. I feel confused alot about who i used to be, who i am now, and who i want to be. These thoughts complexed with the scary thoughts, worrying, and depression make for some tough days. Let's all hang in there together.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:20 am

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am young like you. (A few years older) I too have had anxiety about all my life. I think you sound like a very strong person and know you will make it through this and be even stronger in the end.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:23 am

I know exactly what you guys are saying. I am feeling the same, lightheadness, dizzy feeling right now. I just started lesson # 7. I just came back from vacation in FL and felt great. Now that I am back to work, I have struggled. Not sure if it is the work or it is the anxiety I have had for years.

I like the quote where we should not worry about the program working, just do it.

dj63 · Post by **dj63** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:46 am

Thanks guys for all the replys. I really hope that I will get better, I have a hard time sticking to things, and I give up easy, if something is hard and doesnt come easy i tend to give up. I dont want to be a quitter. I am sick again for the third time this winter. and i tend to get anxious when I am sick. I just feel weird today and I hate it, I kinda feel foggy.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:53 am

Hello Living.

I'm sorry to hear that you are sick. I hope that you feel better really soon.