Shyness, or Anxiety

flyingmom · Post by **flyingmom** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:14 pm

Did anyone else label themselves as shy, rather than an anxious person? Before I started this program I knew I had a problem with depression, but I never would have said I also have a problem with anxiety.

Since I was a child I was labeled shy and sensitive. Any social anxiety I felt was just a part of that. Now that I'm participating in the StressCenter.com program I realize I've suffered from panic attacks and generalized anxiety for a long time. Probably contributes a lot to my depression!

I wonder if being shy or an introvert is a prerequisite for suffering from these problems (anxiety and depression)? I'll bet the answer is a resounding NO but I'd like to hear from some of you.

Being an introvert means being more inwardly focused, rather than outwardly focused like extroverts tend to be, right? Which means we'd naturally have more discomfort in public/group situations than extroverts who thrive on the interaction with others.

ilovewinter · Post by **ilovewinter** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:49 am

Hi Flyingmom - In my book "Anxiety for Dummies" it describes social phobia as: fear of public scrutiny. It says social phobics dread performing, speaking, going to parties, meeting new people, using the phone, writing checks, and eating in front of others, etc. Social phobics believe that they're somehow defective and inadequate; thus they assume they'll make mistakes, drop things, or generally make a fool of themselves. This fear causes them to appear unfriendly, cold, distant, and self centered which fuels the social phobic that other people won't like them. If you experience the following for an extended people of time, you could be labeled of socially phobic:

You fear situations with unfamiliar people or where you might be evaluated in some way.

When forced into an uncomfortable social situation, your anxiety increases powerfully.

You realize your fear is greater than the situation really warrants.

You avoid fearful situations as much as possible and endure them under great distress.

I'd say that's enough to make anyone depressed for sure. I am actually an extrovert by nature, although I do become overly anxious when I am public speaking and the like. There are lots of ways to express this anxiety and depression, and social phobia is one of them. I believe it's important to narrow down the source of the anxiety because repeated exposure to it is a powerful tool in getting over it. I believe my mom was socially phobic and she joined the Toastmasters, a club that gets together to make speeches to each other. Yikes

I think it helped her though. Before it, she was desperately unhappy, stuck in a dead end job, and personally unhappy with herself. Since, she has been following her dreams, changing jobs, moving to a whole different part of the country, and is much happier with herself. I never thought of it until just now, but clearly she was having problems with anxiety and took steps to heal. Wow. Good luck.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:46 am

Flyingmom,
I have also been referred to as shy pretty much all my life and never attributed that to my anxiety until recently. Most of my adult years have been spent being treated for depression. When the meds and the counseling didn't work like I wanted them to I sought out something more--this program. It wasn't until going through this program that I even realized that I had anxiety. The point is I think I was using my shyness to mask the real problem, the anxiety. I've been told that depression is anger/fear turned inward and anxiety is the outward manifestation of this. The two kind of go hand in hand. This program has helped me overcome that shyness and become less sensitive so that I can handle whatever comes my way. It's very liberating. And, I no longer consider myself shy. If anything, I'm quite outgoing now. Keep up the good work, Good time's they's a coming.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:18 am

I am introverted but not really shy, I'm just quiet.

I also suffered from a good deal of depression and it was not until the program that I realized it was depression caused by my anxiety and negative thoughts. I think it might be possible that introverted / quiet people tend to suffer from anxiety more because we suffered from the anxiety first and it may have lead us on the path of being more introverted?? BUT extroverts definitely suffer from both anxiety and depression they just appear happier because they are out there socializing and doing things

While we'd rather just chill! Good luck with the program

Its very effective.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:01 am

Thank you everyone for your comments. It really does help to hear from others who are going through or who have gone through the same thing.

I have to take my son to a birthday party this afternoon at a museum - I was hoping my husband would take him

I am anxious - we don't know this family at all - my son knows this boy through Kindergarten. It will be fun and I'm thrilled he's been invited. He's shy too, and hard to warm up in new situations and with new people. Oh well, wish us luck!

It feels silly admitting being nervous about a kids's birthday party - but it's a social situation!

I may have to look into Toastmasters - what a good idea - baptism by fire, kind of. I bet some of its members have similar fears.

Thanks again, Nancy