Fear of sex...sesitive matters

JNfree · Post by **JNfree** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:13 am

Hello...

I am an agoraphobic, GA/PA...anyway since my husband and I have decided to have more children(start trying in 2008) I have developed a fear of not only being pregnant BUT of becoming pregnant when not tryingI feel I am still not ready so we are not trying now.
, which in turn has led to a fear of sex.

This saddens me to no end and I continually beat myself up over it...we have not had sex for a little more than 2 months....I guess it boils down to me fearing "going crazy" during pregnancy so much that I don't want to risk it...even sadder is I know my cycle and we use condoms, so there are many times when I know for sure I couldn't get pregnant BUT we still don't have sex....last time we even got close to having sex I panicked all night...thinking about it makes me have awful anxiety....

If you have experienced this or have words of encouragement I would greatly appreciate it...I always was happy to know I could share this with my husband no matter what my anxiety was no this is really pushing me I hate myself for this....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:35 am

I have also been having problems with sex. Sometimes, it just hurts. Although you have to remember that when you let loose mentally your body does physically and you enjoy it. Like Lucinda says "Live in the moment."
Also sex reduces stress. Ever had a rough day and forgot about it then had sex, you feel so great after you wonder why did I get scared? I totally relate though with being scared and guilty. However take those negative thoughts and through them out of your head or even to the back for now. Think positive by saying to yourself, " see how good this feels " and live in the moment. Dont force yourself. Sometimes you dont want to.

As far as being ready for having another baby, although I odnt have kids I remember a line from the book 'Trinity' the main character says when talking about starting a revolution, along the lines of" you cannot wait for all the stars in the sky to be aligned to do anything, starting a family etc. otherwise youd be waiting forever." You will only know your ready after you do it. Good luck and dont beat yourself up it will only make it worse be compassionate!

Ocean · Post by **Ocean** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:44 am

I ma with you on this too. I just can't do it sometimes. I get very nervous and sometimes have to make my husband stop. This is very hard for me and for him. Neither of us understand it. Just know you are not alone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:49 am

Thanks girls....

It just had been so long and I obsess about it so much I FREAK OUT...it is stupid..

cprince why do feel nervous about it? Is it just the act or pregnancy too?

Jocie I wish you well and that the pain passes....

Thanks again

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:31 am

I don't know. I get very clostrophobic. I guess that's my big thing. I need space and then after I start getting nervous, I can't get a grip I guess. I can't have children, so it has nothing to do with that, but I am afraid if I ever get pregnant I can't cope without my meds.

Iwillbeatthis · Post by **Iwillbeatthis** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:03 am

cprince...Sorry to hear you can't get pregnant...if you ever do and still need meds that's okay I know of PLENTY of women that take meds while pregnant without any negative side effects.

If I can ask I know it's personal: Do you have sex rarely because of your anxiety? Also how old are you? I am 33

Thanks

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:34 pm

Hello,
I know this is a odd topic:o but does anyone just not want to have sex with their husband or wife? I don't feel a fear of the act of sex I just really don't want sex and I used to love sex. I know some of my problems are from my injuries to my back, hip and knee but the "just don't touch me

" isn't due to pain.
I know that some medicines can mess up the drive and the act but I think this is more.
My husband is patient but he's also a human male and I need to figure a way to work this out.
does anyone have similar problems or better yet any solutions.
I need help!

Heatherbythesea · Post by **Heatherbythesea** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:18 am

Work in progress, I'm having this problem with my wife. I am on paxil, and I think it's definitely part of my issue. I told my doc about it, but decided I wanted to try to work through it.

I think part of my issue is that I'm nervous I'll want to start and be able to start, but then disappoint her in the end. There's been one time where all was OK, but once into it, I almost felt my mind shut off to it. It was awful.

So for me, I think it's partly the meds and partly my anxiety of not being able to perform. Luckily, my wife has been patient with me. Advice... For us, we have reduced the frequency and that has helped me. Also, we have done some things we don't normally do to increase the excitement for both of us.

I wish you well. This is a sensitive, but very important, issue with anxiety that anyone with a spouse will likely deal with.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:53 pm

NBGuy,
Thanks for the feedback. I think I might need to talk with my doctor again about the medications side effects. My husband is on Paxil also and I know he has some issues with the medication decreasing the drive. I just feel I have a problem with the whole act. I don't have any of the feelings I used to have for sex. I really would like that part of my "problems" to be over. I'll talk to my husband about other things to do together. That may at least give me a bit of a rest in that area. I tend to think that I am letting my husband down all the time.
Thanks for the advice.