Feeling Discouraged

[MelanieC]

This post may be a little long, so God Bless anyone who takes the time to read it. I just need to vent.

I’ve just been feeling so discouraged. I try to think positive and realistic and comfort myself with my thoughts, but I just feel like it’s so hard to do it alone. I’m on session 3, but my anxiety and depression are pretty bad right now.

I’m going through the program for the second time (first time was 7 years ago). It helped me then and I got better. For many years I had periods of stress in my life, sometimes great stress, and I got through it without slipping into a bad bout of anxiety or depression. I had no limitations – the only time I ever got anxious was driving over bridges. But everything else was fine. Now I’m so anxious to even leave my house.

It started last summer. We were our second year into running our business and it was stressful (it’s a seasonal business). I started to have some mild panic attacks, especially if I had to drive far. Then business slowed down in the fall (due to both the economy and being a seasonal business) and I was home a lot, by myself a lot with too much time to think. I tried to occupy myself, but little by little I was getting worse. Then some health problems started – mostly digestive. I became obsessed with how I was feeling physically. I started manifesting my anxiety with things such as taking too many short breaths (trying to yawn a lot). I was also ruminating on negative thoughts a lot about my past, being self-condeming. We had attended a church regularly for a year, but then it seemed like all I was ever hearing was how I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t doing enough and they talked so much of the end times and not to put too much stock in this life, that I became so depressed and demotivated. Things just snowballed from there. I was getting more and more uncomfortable with every day life.

I started the program about 3 weeks ago or so, but I feel so discouraged. One problem is that my husband and I are home now because our business is in it’s off-season and we’re very isolated but it’s a catch-22, because at this point it is so overwhelming to be around people or crowds. I can barely even go to the grocery store. I have no friends – and I’m not exaggerating. It’s just because we’ve moved around a lot and we are married 8 years but no children. We met people at our church and made so many efforts to be involved (volunteered, went to dinners, etc), but only made acquaintances at best. Only one person has called to see how we are doing. And it’s seems overwhelming to get involved in new activities right now because I don’t feel myself and, even so, it’s so hard to make friends, true friends. I know it will take time.

My husband has been great and very patient, but he’s getting frustrated with me. I finally decided I needed the help of a therapist – at least someone else to talk to – and I went to her today and she basically talked about herself the whole time (she even told me at the beginning of the appointment that a patient recently told her she talked about herself too much, and now I can see why). I mean, I don’t mind relaying some of her life experience, but I barely got to talk about what I’m going through and I desperate to just spill to someone other than my husband who will understand and care. So I’m back to square one.

I’m also getting my health issues checked out and it’s been a slow process. I just feel so uncomfortable all the time and I feel like I can’t enjoy life. I know the best thing I could use is occupation (but nothing too stressful) and interaction with other human beings (but again, not in an overwhelming situation), but I don’t seem to know how I can do either at this point. Well, I’m going to try another therapist. Sometimes I find it helpful to read these forums, but I find the lack of real human interaction to be tough. I looked into support groups, but of course, I’m a little fearful to go.

Anyway, I know I need to take all I wrote above and comfort myself and not be too hard on myself and make a plan to get better, but sometimes you just feel like crap and it feels like this hole is so hard to climb out of.

Well, again, if anyone took time to read this, thank you any advice or encouragement is greatly appreciated.

[kyeric]

Melanie, Me too! Finding anyone to listen that I can trust has proved to be very challenging. I can't even remember the last time I could muster the energy to get a word in edgewise to a friend. Today is my first day on the website and I think it has saved my life. It may not be face to face, but it's definately better than nothing! You hang in there. This too shall pass.

[Carolyn Dickman]

I know how you feel. You sound a lot like me. My situation is different though. I have children and am a stay-at-home mom. My life stays pretty busy. I feel like there is no time for me. I am so busy taking care of everyone else(including my husband) that it gets so overwhelming sometimes. It seems here lately, I have had one bad thing happen to me after another and it has been getting me down. I decided to try the program, and it has been about 2 weeks and because of everything going on in my life, I have not even started it yet. First I am coupon shopping in a local store and I have the police called on me and I am falsely accused of coupon fraud and made a spectacle of in front of the store for no reason. Then I find out that my 47 year old sister who has just given birth to a baby boy is having problems with the baby- They think he has Down-syndrome among lots of other problems. My daughter who is in High school, has been having migraines and we have been to LOTS of doctors and no one has been able to cure them. It has been months. I had her prayed for at church, but nothing seems to be changing. I attend church faithfully and try to have Faith, but it seems my life keeps getting worse. My youngest child has had awful battles with being sick since she started kindergarten. And here I am trying to seek help, any way I can for my anxiety issues. So far, unsuccessfully. I made an appointment with a Christian counselling center twice and both times the weather was so bad my children were called out of school, so I had to cancel them. I do not have any friends either. I find that every time I make them, they either use me, or I don't keep them very long. It is like I never developed whatever skills a person needs to be social. I am just not good at it and never have been since about the age of 12. So, I can understand it when someone says they are discouraged. I am so there right now it is pitiful.