Missing Work

shellsy · Post by **shellsy** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:50 am

Hi everyone. I'm dealing with a bit of a dilemma.
Last week my anxiety..I have panic disorder and severe social anxiety...it overcame me and I stopped going to work. Tomorrow will be a week that I haven't been to work. I've been applying for short term disability through my employer, but I was just told today that I would not receive any pay or benefits while off work, due to the fact that I had too many unscheduled absences in the past year. Which of course, were due to my anxiety in the first place.

So I'm not sure what to do now. I will lose my car and won't be able to pay my bills if I'm not getting any money. And of course there's no way I'll get better if they take all my benefits away.

I could apply for social security, but then I'd kind of feel like I was giving up, and I'm sure I couldn't afford my bills.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this before? Any ideas?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:04 pm

Shellsy,
I"m not sure if what you were told is right or wrong, but I would pursue it to see for myself. Countless times I could have taken someone's word for something, and I'd have lost out. You have nothing to lose in pursuing it.
Social security can take away depending on the state. It's been over a year and I've been turned down twice. I'm waiting for a hearing now. It's definitely something you could qualify for though. Good luck. Bev

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:28 pm

Please don't quit your job, I was in your shoes 4 years ago.I had panic so bad I left work early one day and never returned I stayed in the house(never left) for almost a year and it was the worse thing I ever done .It was like I said ok panic you've got me(and it did).Don't let it get you push yourself threw it(no matter how hard it is)Don't let it get you.Besides keep telling yourself it won't hurt you no matter how scarey it may be. You can do this!!! Good Luck!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:45 pm

Yes, I quit so many jobs when I was younger, where I just walked out because the anxiety got to me, or I just got too emotional. I know that hurt my work record a lot, and I don't want to repeat those mistakes, but it's hard to work when you're head is spinning for half the day.

Also, I'd feel quite uncomfortable going back now, since some people might ask where I've been, and I won't want to explain it. That would also mean I'm out of unscheduled absences for the year, which would stress me out even more, knowing I can't take a day off if I need it.

I can understand the idea of letting the panic overtake me, and I can admit that it has a really good grip on me right now and it has for years. But I just can't figure out how to let go and accept it. It is exhausting working with anxiety all day and coming home and all I want to do is collapse, because my whole body aches from all the tension.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Hope is the only thing I have right now, and though it's not much, at least it's still something.

cindylou · Post by **cindylou** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:52 pm

Hi I have been out of work to for almost 6 mons now . I too have to go back otherwise if your out more than 6 mons you get terminated. I dont want to apply for ss disabilty as i heard you almost have to be dying in order to get it. I am nervous too about going back but i carry our group ins and i have 2 kids myself and my husband on my policy and would not be able to afford insurance if i didnt belong to a group ins plan. I really think in my heart i have been out of work to long and i feel the longer you are out of work the harder it is to get back into it.. I was even thinking of going part time but was told would disqualify me for group ins etc so thats not an option for me but i too am very nervous about going back to work so u are not alone..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:22 am

shellsy, have you talked to your doctor about this since you started not going to work? You don't mention whether you're on meds, but if not, they may help. I believe we all would like to do this w/o them, but w/o my Paxil (and Xanax when I get bad), I could not be functioning effectively at work now.

Another idea (if you have a job where it is possible) is having a heart-to-heart with your HR person and boss/manager about your condition. Perhaps they will allow you to work from home (or find you a job where you can work from home) for s short period while you work on the program, work with your doctor, etc. When my panic disorder really started coming out (before meds, starting this program, etc.), I was lucky enough to have an understanding manager who let me work from home several days a week.

Lastly, you mention that they've already told you you'd lose benefits and pay if you stop going to work. Do you have disability insurance through your employer or another source? This would provide pay and benefits for a period for a diagnosed condition that prevented you from going to work.

Hope you are able to work it out. I am praying for you. God bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:46 am

You didn't mention what type of work that you did, but I had this problem while working in a hair salon. It worked out for me because I now have a salon in my own home and my clients come to me. I realize that most professions can't do business out of their home, but perhaps a home-based job may be just what you need for right now. I tried to explain to my previous boss about my anxiety, but in my experience it was not helpful because they don't understand nor know how to help us continue working. It was noted in my employee record about my anxiety which would follow me to any new prospective employers so BE CAREFUL about what you tell...it can affect you getting or keeping your job. Good Luck

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 5:08 am

They sure don't make it easy on those of us with severe anxiety do they?

I def. want to work, I just want to be at a point where I feel comfortable being at work.

I did stop taking my meds, except for Klonopin, which may have been a huge part of the problem..but I wasn't feeling great on the meds either (Cymbalta and ..also it was "that time of the month" which sends my anxiety skyrocketing...I"ve asked my doctor for advice about this but he always pretends like he didn't hear me as he does a lot, actually. I'm on Lexapro now..and hopefully that will help me feel better...becaue I'll have to go back to work soon.

My main concern is losing my health insurance, if they take that away I'm never going to get better. So I guess I'll sweat out the days at work and pray that my medication can start doing the right things for me.

I think my managers are fairly understanding, but I work for a large national company and they have to follow their rules. I believe the information I work with is too confidential (In their opinion) so I'm sure they wouldn't want it leaving their network for me to be able to work from home. Though I'd love to work at home, I don't see any available options in that area right now.

My disability insurance is through my employer and it would cover me, but since I've had too many unexcused absencies/tardies throughout the year (which of course were usually due to anxiety) I'm not eligible to keep my pay and without pay I can't afford to pay for the benefits. So I don't really have too many options here.

The work I do is clerical in nature, pretty much data entry, some scanning documents and opening mail. It's not stressful, but your minds starts to wander. I even feel anxious talking one on one with someone, I feel trapped like if I suddenly leave while they're talking to me, obviously it would look strange. Well...when you're boss is talking to you it really doesn't seem like a good idea to get up and walk away..lol...but that's kind of what I'm dealing with.

Thanks for the well wishes and prayers. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, right?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 5:20 am

Yes there is, shellsy. Hang in there!

derfy · Post by **derfy** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 5:59 am

Shellsy,I can totally sympathize with you.That step back to work where it makes you panic is the hardest thing to do.Wherever you have anxiety/panic is where you want to avoid.

Im in the same position right now.I have not gone back to work since February. I had a major panic attack there and since then havent been able to go back.I know its wrong and I have to face the fear.I know nothing will hurt me if I have a panic attack there now.My fear is all the questions everyone will ask when I do return after so long.I spoke to my boss in February and told her Im having some anxiety/stress issues.She was great and said to come back when Im feeling better.That left the door open for me to come back.I really really want to go back but cant do it-yet.

My good friends who have the same problem have told me not to push it,go back when Im ready.I guess you really have to want something bad enough to do it.

Im not sure if this will help you at all,but once you have realized that your panic is something you can work through,you will be able to go places again.I am slowly going out again to stores that I couldnt go to last month.Ive decided to give myself time that I need in order to go back to work.

You will find the strength,beleive me.I think if we can take one small step each day,we can conquer what we really want eventually.

One moment,one hour,one day.Words to live by

take care