I am 42 yrs old and just last year conquered a 14 year fear of flying so I could fly home to Australia to see my dad who now has Parkinson's disease and the rest of my family. I told no one I was coming and it was a huge surprise. That was great! Fast Forward to 2008 December 17th and me and my husband went again... coouldn't beleive that I would do it again but did.
After coming back the first time I was very homesick and depressed and now it is even worse. I feel trapped and very lonely and I am blaming my husband for not letting me stay longer when I had the chance to stay. He thought I would not fly back on my own but I know that was not the only issue.
I have lived in Houston, Texas for 20 years and to this day I still don't like it. I have not managed to make any authentic friends (stabbed in the back so many times!!) and I am beyond lonely.
These feelings I have now are like extreme melancholy and I am angry at my husband. I want to move back asap and he says he wants to go too but I am not sure I want him to go becuase he may feel the same way I do about living in a different country. I also now worry about the possibility of life passing me by before I have a chance to go back or before Parkinson's get's me.
I am in school right now and cannot seem to focus on anything but my unhappiness. I feel like I am in a deep hole.
Any suggestions would be welcomed.
Homesick and very depressed
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Guest
Are you currently going though the program? If you are then my advice would be to stick with it. It sounds like you are having obsessive, scary thoughts triggered so that you don't have to think about the pressure that school is putting on you at this time. The program is so helpful at teaching you how to deal with those thoughts that make you anxious and depressed. One way is to distract yourself for at least 15 minutes because it gets your mind off of the thought and you begin to feel relief from the pain that the thought causes.
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Guest
Hello Schweeter:
I understand homesickness. I think it is one of the worse experiences that we can have.
I haven't lived as far away from 'home' as you are living. But far enough. And I know how hard it is.
But for right now I think you will have to take this just one day at a time. One of the things that I have learned is that nothing stays the same. Right now you are feeling trapped. And you can't see away out. But believe me things do not stay the same.
When you really truly want something, really badly want it, you'll find ways to bring it about. So no doubt that you'll get back to Australia.
But maybe not today or tomorrow.
So today, do what is at hand. And think positive.
By thinking positive I mean DON'T THINK: "I'll never get back to Australia!" That is not exactly true.
In fact, in the program, you will see that anxiety is not based on true facts. It comes from our thoughts, what we tell ourselves. So anxiety is based on lies.
Since you are in school , do your best at that.
Do this program.
And just see what happens.
42 is still relatively young. I've made lots of moves since I was 50.
Right now you might find it hard to believe this but the possibilities for us are really amazing.
I won't take time to tell you of all my experiences but I'll tell you this - I've been to various States. And I'd get terribly homesick for the warmth of the south. I could see no way to get back. But in each case I always did.
You will get home to Australia if that is what you truly want.
Hang in there!!
MJ
I understand homesickness. I think it is one of the worse experiences that we can have.
I haven't lived as far away from 'home' as you are living. But far enough. And I know how hard it is.
But for right now I think you will have to take this just one day at a time. One of the things that I have learned is that nothing stays the same. Right now you are feeling trapped. And you can't see away out. But believe me things do not stay the same.
When you really truly want something, really badly want it, you'll find ways to bring it about. So no doubt that you'll get back to Australia.
But maybe not today or tomorrow.
So today, do what is at hand. And think positive.
By thinking positive I mean DON'T THINK: "I'll never get back to Australia!" That is not exactly true.
In fact, in the program, you will see that anxiety is not based on true facts. It comes from our thoughts, what we tell ourselves. So anxiety is based on lies.
Since you are in school , do your best at that.
Do this program.
And just see what happens.
42 is still relatively young. I've made lots of moves since I was 50.
Right now you might find it hard to believe this but the possibilities for us are really amazing.
I won't take time to tell you of all my experiences but I'll tell you this - I've been to various States. And I'd get terribly homesick for the warmth of the south. I could see no way to get back. But in each case I always did.
You will get home to Australia if that is what you truly want.
Hang in there!!
MJ
Thank you and yes you are right... need to take it one day at a time.
My fear is that you know when people make exzciting plans and everything seems to be working out and then BAM something comes up and they never are able to gfo and do what they planned.
Like my one fear is getting sick very sick or my husband gets sick and I die before I get to go. I have these dreams that I will die before I get to back. Irrational? Probably. but I do go there and sometimes it lasts all day that melancholy awful feeling.
School is hard to focus on right now... as an adult student I have had to go through 5 classes of math starting back at the beginning at remedial math and it has been quite a climb.
I feel like time is running out for me and i should have done something 10 years ago had it not been for a fear of flying.... the regret I feel is immense.
Thanks for your words of encouragement.
My fear is that you know when people make exzciting plans and everything seems to be working out and then BAM something comes up and they never are able to gfo and do what they planned.
Like my one fear is getting sick very sick or my husband gets sick and I die before I get to go. I have these dreams that I will die before I get to back. Irrational? Probably. but I do go there and sometimes it lasts all day that melancholy awful feeling.
School is hard to focus on right now... as an adult student I have had to go through 5 classes of math starting back at the beginning at remedial math and it has been quite a climb.
I feel like time is running out for me and i should have done something 10 years ago had it not been for a fear of flying.... the regret I feel is immense.
Thanks for your words of encouragement.
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Guest
Hi Schweeter:
Do you have the Attacking Anxiety program. If not it would sure be worth your while to get it - and follow it step by step.
I do realize how desperate you feel. Anxiety and depression do that to you.
I've been on the lowest rung of hopelessness
about life. I'm not there now. But I remember.
There is a way out of that.
If you have the program, start that. That is a beginning.
But I thought I'd give you a few scriptures that do help me .
You may not be a believer. But I think that the power of the WORD is awesome!
In the state you are in now, of course you couldn't accomplish your dreams. But you can calm down.
You are telling your self so many 'what if's'
(ALL Negative) that you are making yourself sick.
You need to switch your thoughts to the positive. You will learn to do that with the program.
And begin to journal. Write things down.
For instance you could write what you just stated in your post:
I'm afraid I'll get sick. I am afraid I'll die before I get back" etc.
In your journal counter these negatives with positive words:
"The human body is tough. If I do get sick I will get well again quickly. I am healthy now."
Or:
"I probably will die someday as everyone will.
But My body is strong and can take a lot. I probably won't die before I reach Australia."
That was just an example. You will find your own self-talk. Treat yourself well. Like you would a friend.
Here are a few things to think about:
"I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (that is from Jeremiah)
"Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint". This is from Isaiah.
These verses helped me to be patient with myself and to be able to wait. Just get yourself calm and things will begin to look different to you. You are being controled by your fears right now.
The program will fill you with confidense in yourself.
And if you can muster up some faith - let God as you understand Him, do the rest.
You'll be feeling better soon.
I've been in your position before. I understand.
Best wishes,
MJ
Do you have the Attacking Anxiety program. If not it would sure be worth your while to get it - and follow it step by step.
I do realize how desperate you feel. Anxiety and depression do that to you.
I've been on the lowest rung of hopelessness
about life. I'm not there now. But I remember.
There is a way out of that.
If you have the program, start that. That is a beginning.
But I thought I'd give you a few scriptures that do help me .
You may not be a believer. But I think that the power of the WORD is awesome!
In the state you are in now, of course you couldn't accomplish your dreams. But you can calm down.
You are telling your self so many 'what if's'
(ALL Negative) that you are making yourself sick.
You need to switch your thoughts to the positive. You will learn to do that with the program.
And begin to journal. Write things down.
For instance you could write what you just stated in your post:
I'm afraid I'll get sick. I am afraid I'll die before I get back" etc.
In your journal counter these negatives with positive words:
"The human body is tough. If I do get sick I will get well again quickly. I am healthy now."
Or:
"I probably will die someday as everyone will.
But My body is strong and can take a lot. I probably won't die before I reach Australia."
That was just an example. You will find your own self-talk. Treat yourself well. Like you would a friend.
Here are a few things to think about:
"I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (that is from Jeremiah)
"Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint". This is from Isaiah.
These verses helped me to be patient with myself and to be able to wait. Just get yourself calm and things will begin to look different to you. You are being controled by your fears right now.
The program will fill you with confidense in yourself.
And if you can muster up some faith - let God as you understand Him, do the rest.
You'll be feeling better soon.
I've been in your position before. I understand.
Best wishes,
MJ