Do things happen for a reason?

diosita azul · Post by **diosita azul** » Sun Aug 10, 2008 4:07 pm

I haven't started the program yet. I just broke down and purchased it this afternoon. The fact is that I have probably been dealing with depression for the last 10 years. Right now I am spiraling. I am an unemployed teacher desperately looking for a job. 32 years old. divorced and living at home with my grandparents during my job hunt. Helping to take care of my grandmother who was disabled by a stroke nearly 1.5 years ago.

I found out today that my boyfriend, who is an emotionally distant alcoholic, signed up on a dating website about 3 weeks ago. At the same time that he abruptly cancelled a trip we were about to take. He has no idea about my emotional breakdown because I don't really talk to him or anyone. I just try to act like everything is okay.

I have been seeing a therapist since June. Goind over my history has really stirred things up. She wants to prescribe me medication but I have been resisting. During my last session she said that I suffer from magical thinking because I believe that things happen for a reason. That hurt me because it is something that gives me comfort. I need to believe that God has a plan and that my life has some purpose. What do you think? Does the belief that things happen for a reason hurt me? She said it sets me up for disappointment.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 10, 2008 4:43 pm

Heya Diosita and welcome

You know it is very intresting and the number of us that get the program after a breakdown or a medical issue that really scares us. Really out of desparation for the most part and honestly i believe that happened just to get us to do something about it.

I'm very sorry to hear about your boyfriend, it must be very dissapointing for you and hurtful too.

You mentioned about the therapist that says you suffer from magical thinking...well it depends in what context she is saying this in...it may just be an opinion of hers...or depending on how far you take this it could be her telling you that you're expecting way too much.

I would suggest not to use it as a crutch to wait for good things to happen...not saying you are because i have no idea...but you did say it was comforting...that can be a very useful tool...i know myself it is what got me through my very very challenging childhood. I knew that the pain that i had underwent and the ignorance happened because i needed to help others and this was the way i can understand them...through my own suffering and pain.

I hope this helps to answer your question or get you to see it in a diffrent angle at least

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 10, 2008 5:34 pm

I think Mike hit on some good points. I have always, and will always, believe that things do happen for a reason. Some of those reason may not be known and may never me known but there is some reasoning behind it all. It might just be happening so that you can lean more on God and not so much on yourself. It might be to produce more patience in your life. It might be to help others later on in the future that are dealing with the same issues. We can never know for sure what the reason is. But what we do know is that it's happening and we must get through it. I don't totally understand the whole "magical thinking" thing but like Mike said I think it depends on how far you take it. If you go too far with it then I think it can become a problem...I personally believe that it's ok to use the Lord to help you cope. Read James chapter 1. Consider it pure joy when you fall into various trials. James tells us that we should look at our trials in life and have joy in dealing with them. That kind of makes me laugh because if it's one thing we know it's not very easy to have joy when your depressed. But he goes on to tell us that it produces patience. And then he continues by telling us how to get though these trials. I know that this isn't a Bible study forum by any means but I think that reading that verse might shed a little light on your question. Because we live in the world and are human there are going to be things that "just happen". We can always find a reason for them...if nothing else than to just lean on God....and Ipersonally don't think that's a bad reason. I hope all of this makes since as it is getting late...lol. Anyway, maybe with what I have said and what Mike has said combined can help you sort it all out. Keep your head up through these hard times. Your on your way to recovery and that alone should make you feel better

Sincerely,
Mindi

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 10, 2008 5:46 pm

Hello and welcome. I truly 100% believe that things happen for a reason. I've always thought this way. This is one of my favorite quotes from Marilyn Monroe:

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

I don't believe thinking that way is considered "magical thinking". I suffer from anxiety and it has caused a lot of problems for me but also has opened up doors for new things oddly. I was at a job for 8 years, started out there right out of highschool. I moved up the ladder and was promoted several times. Everyone there told me that I was going to be there forever and be successful. Due to my anxiety and stress of this job, I had to leave. I found a new job a month later and actually found a lot of good friends from it which really opened up my social circle. So I look at it as sometimes my anxiety helps me find new things and I was meant to leave when I did.

I say believe what you want to believe and live your life to that. I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend but if he is signing up for an on-line dating group it's time to kick him to the curb. Focus on you and getting better. Once that happens, everything falls into place.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:47 am

I was thinking about this very thing this morning. Not to preach, but Romans 8:28 says that we know that God works all things together for good for those of us who love Him. Good things, bad things, things which are good in some ways and at the same time, bad in some ways. God uses them for good.
Every single thing happens for a reason whether that reason is gravity, hard work, alcohol, bad judgement, good genes, charity, love, hate, greed, etc. I think that magical thinking is expecting things to work out the way we want regardless of whether we make good decisions or bad decisions.
I am on session 7, so in a few weeks, you will know a lot more about anxiety, depression, diet, exercise, self-talk, expectations, anger, etc. It will stir up things for a while and make you face them. Look for how God is using this program in your life and look for ways that He is working each day in your life. Look at how God has used good and bad things for good in your life. Faith in God is a huge part of our lives and it will affect our attitudes.
He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. God says to think on right, pure, good things. Learning to fight our anxiety and depression is a good thing!
So hang in there, read these forums, come see us in the chatroom and God bless you!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:04 am

First, you are not the problem in your relationship. An alcoholic's relationship is with alcohol, not people. Second, you can ask your therapist to clarify her use of magical thinking. Your therapy time is more productive if you understand how she is using this term. Just ask her to clarify. Looking at all that's going on in your life, you really are in the right place, and ten years is a long time to be depressed. I believe this program will help you so very much. And don't give up.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:19 am

You may want to consider another therapist that is more compatible. I found that it doesn't work very well if a therapist has a view that is not compatible with my core beliefs. Obviously your therapist does not believe in things happening for a reason and you do, so unless you are willing to give up this belief it will be a difficult go with the therapy with this particular therapist.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:19 am

diosita azul,
Yes. I agree with your therapist. It is magical thinking to belive that things happen for a reason. And of course, I am also involved in magical thinking! Your post is really good, and I am glad you posted this topic. When other people post their "magical thinking" here it is easier to see, than when it comes from within ourselves(inside our heads).

This is a difficult thing to overcome. Because I also have a strong desire to live in a world that is just & rational & fair & where the good always wins over the bad. But that is not the world we live in. We live in a world where "supid & ignortant & mean" wins over "smart & clever & nice".

However, it is not true that nothing matters & all is hopeless. I think that action matters. Right now my plan is to do less thinking and more action. I also just started the program, it arrived yesterday.

Hope this helps
K

thethirdperson · Post by **thethirdperson** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:51 pm

Hi diosita,

I believe things happen for a reason. My advice would be to get a doctor that shares your core beliefs. I have been through many doctors, medications and two lengthy hospitalizations and it is critical you keep your faith in God.

I am living a life made of two book ends. The first book end was being raised Catholic and having a beautiful childhood, the second book end is my current situation and I am loving life. The part in the middle was full of depression and bad decisions. When God was not in my life, I was literally a "loss soul". I hated life and was suicidal on several occasions.

My idea is to keep your faith, change your doctor and do your written goals everyday. "We dream about where we want to go, but we don't have a map to get there." <Gene Donohue> Take good care.

Peter

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:29 pm

I wish you all the best, as you face these challenges. You have my support and the support of the community.

I don't think that thinking things happen for a reason is a bad thing.

As long as we learn and grow from our experiences, I think that is all we can hope for.

Has your belief negatively impacted you in any way?