Bad Marriage and depression and loss

JILLIAN44 · Post by **JILLIAN44** » Sat May 16, 2009 5:13 am

Hi, everyone. I did go last Thursday to my first counceling appointment and she put me on xanax,cymbalta, and a sleeping pill. She said I had GAD. Anyway I told her about my Mom and Dad dying within two years of eachother and how I am in a bad marriage. He just isn't there emotionally there for me. I feel very lost. Anyone out there going through the same thing? Thanks, going to try and go outside and walk with the dogs. Have to force myself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat May 16, 2009 7:02 am

I am going through a similar situation. My husband is one of those people who thinks you should just keep going no matter what and nothing should get you down. I've been getting more nervous feeling when he's around just because I know he expects me to feel good all of the time. Both of my parents are still alive but my mom has been battling cancer and I'm starting to realize for the first time in my life that my parents aren't going to be around forever. That scares me!! They're the ones I turn to when my husband doesn't understand what I'm going through.

moonie91 · Post by **moonie91** » Sun May 17, 2009 3:58 am

My hubby got very frustrated with me, also. He would just make a blowing sound if he caught me in bed during the daytime.

Now, that I look back, I can totally understand this one. My hubby was really concerned about me, and didn't have a clue what I was actually going through, since, he didn't have the problem...

Hang in there...Do NOT give up on your marriage because of this...Remember, you may feel like your hubby doesn't care, but, I am sure that he does, and that is why he gets sooo upset...

He realizes he has no control over this one, and he feels soooo helpless. Men like to stay on top of things, this is just a manly thing...

As you use the program, you will find yourself becoming much more self-confident, and will be able to get out and try new things....

I learned how to under-react to my hubby, during this difficult time in my life. I knew that he did not understand it, and was only acting out of frustration and fear...

I would just place those headphones over my ears, and block him out. I got really good at this one. I knew that I was working really hard to get better, and that I would succeed....

I just didn't pay him any mind, when he acted up. I would say, "I am working on getting well, and you need to respect that!"

The more he acted up; the harder that I worked to overcome the anxiety, panic attacks, and depression!!!

His negative actions served to motivate me that much more. I would not have allowed anyone to stop me from helping myself. I was determined!!!

It is sooo hard for others to understand this condition, if they haven't had it themselves....

Please do not give up on your marriages. Try and understand where they are coming from, also....

These guys are feeling soooo helpless right now; therefore they become very angry and frustrated.

I am soooo thankful I hung in there with my hubby....

I pray this helps...God Bless

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun May 17, 2009 5:40 am

I know its hard for men to understand. But, my situation with my husband is for one thing, while both my parents were sick with cancer he never helped me at all. we haven't had a physical relationship for over two years. When I say my husband isn't there he isn't. Thats why it makes it all the worse. I am tired of living like this. And after my dad died I feel that I can't live like this. I just don't know what to do. My depression is so bad.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:22 pm

Hang in there ladies as difficult as it may seem. Just so you know from a man's perspective, we have been taught our whole lifes to get up, dont cry, dont quit, never give up, press on. All this is good but without balance can do us and our loved ones in. I know. Just now learning to be more sensitive and understanding. Patience is required from you. Honestly, men are from Mars and women from Venus. But if we can hang in there and meet say on Earth, WoW the wait is worth it. Aint there myself but got it in my head.

Blessings,

KotMan

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:26 pm

Jillian...I am soooo sorry...I had no idea it was that bad. I bet you feel soooo alone!!!

This, honestly, doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me. I believe in sticking together through thick and thin, but, it honestly sounds like to me that you don't even have a marriage!!!

Maybe, you need to pray on this one. I just can't imagine living this way. You do need support, and you do need a hubby who gives you love and affection!!!!

You deserve these things. Maybe, in this case, you would be better off to depart ways....

Divorces are a big change. I wish there was someway you and your hubby could work this out!!!

Would he consider marriage counseling?

Again...Words cannot express how sorry I truly am!!!

I am sure you will make the decision which feels right for you....

I am here for you, always...God Bless

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:28 pm

BTW...This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship...No wonder you are sooo depressed...

My heart truly goes out to you!!! God Bless

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 26, 2009 8:56 am

Jillian,
I can totally relate to you. I am not technically married, but have been with my kids father for over 5 years. As of this morning I finally broke it off! He has been a huge contributor to my anxiety. He has never truly cared for anyone but himself. He is not capable of it. I've tried for years to change things, but you need a WILLING partner for that to work. It's exhausting and I finally got to the end of my rope! Feel free to personally email me too, we could help each other. I know I'm gonna need it....
Anna

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 26, 2009 3:38 pm

I would love to talk to you. Maybe I could even help. email me here and I can give you my email address.