PLEASE HELP HAVING MAJOR PROBLEM

Jocie22 · Post by **Jocie22** » Tue May 13, 2008 6:36 pm

OK well I think what my problem is is that I don't know how to not be stressed. When Im not stressed about something Ill find anything!!

Today I got stressed about doing too much (activities) before work.My boyfriend and I went otu to lunch and then to a book store and I kept look at the clock and think "oh god I only have 4 hours before work" I got so anxious and upset about feeling like this. It was so stupid and I realize that but I cant stop the cycle of thoughts!
Then I started to worry about that I wasnt "living my life" whatever that even means! I just feel like the days when I just go to work and come home are a failure that everyday must be perfect and an event! I cant get it through my head. I constantly think Im not doing enough and Im wasting my life. Or Ill get stressed when I do too much stuff and say "I just need a break and everything will be ok"

Its like Im waiting to be happy, waiting for that shoe to drop. I realize that it wont make me happy and that I have to make myself happy now.
My mother is no help she just tells me to go to church and to get off my birth control pills.

Next semester Im transferring to a university and am not going to work as much (thank god) yet I get this thought in my head like "you should be able to handle working full time and going to school full time" I feel so weak and Im so afraid of taking out loans.

Im on week 6 in the program I feel like Im doing well but my expectations and my perfectionism (I didnt knwo I was like that until the program) are getting in the way. However, Its so hard to stop it Im so used to being stressed. If anyone has any tips or suggestions or advice or meditation practice anything! I would GREATLY appreciate it! I REALLY wanna beat this and move on with my life!

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Tue May 13, 2008 8:20 pm

Hi Jocie22
One thing I keep repeating to myself is "what you resist persists." So if you contiue to resist and fight your concerns, they will never go away. Instead, I would recommend that you let them come. Take a few minutes and close your eyes. Listen to your worries, acknowledge them, and take a few deep breaths. Is there anything you can actually do to change your life, pr even a moment, or are you doing the best you can at this time?
Something else that might help is instead of worrying that life is not fulfilling you enough and you must be missing out on something, try helping someone. I have found that if every day you can do something kind or generous for someone else, it makes that day seem important. It can be simple like holding a door open for a mom with a stroller, or something big like volunteering. Maybe having something to focus on besides school and work will give you what you need.
Finally, I have found myself just wanting the day to end and be done with. I was never in the actual moment of "now." So I have started to try to find a way to be in the now as much as possible. It isn't easy for me because the "noise" in my head is always going. However, I have been reading the book The Power of Now and I really like it. Maybe it will help you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 13, 2008 10:32 pm

Jocie, Being an older mom myself, I think your mom's advice is not that bad. Why don't you try church or churches? Go to different ones till you find one that fits. What do you have against church? #2 Birth control. Well, is it possible it could be screwing with your hormones and causing more anxiety?? I think it's possible.

It isn't easy for any of us with anxiety/dep to overcome the "what if" thoughts or expectations. With the help of the program and others here, you will overcome...IF you work at it. Keep us posted.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed May 14, 2008 12:25 am

Hi Jocie, like you, sometimes I just can't let myself relax and enjoy the moment. It's like being anxious is so normal for me now, it feels odd when I am relaxed. I will start fighting the feeling and I will start working myself up over nothing. It's like my mind has to find something to worry about. Something to take my happiness away. Then we worry about that, on and on the vicious cycle goes.

I just had that very situation happen to me this morning, and it upset me. Will I ever be able to relax and enjoy my life again. Why do I always have to ruin it with worrying when I actually do feel good. Then I start beating myself up for this and that. When you figure out how to break this cycle, let me know!

I guess that's when we go back to lesson 3, soothing self talk. It's not always easy to catch and stop the negative talk.

As for Church, I have nothing against it, but not everyone finds their peace there. I know of a person that actually gets very anxious going to church, and that person is a firm believer in god. It doesn't make her any less in gods eyes.

It's always possible that the birth control pill is an issue for you, but that is something for you and your doctor to decide. Going off the pill and getting pregnant right now would certainly cause you more stess.

Hang in there and keeping working the program. That is what I am trying to do, hopefully soon, being relaxed will feel normal again for us!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed May 14, 2008 1:44 am

Hello!I can relate to all of you.Be-Positive,I do what you've described to myself all the time.I'm also learning how to slow down and relax.It does feel very weird!I used to be the type of person who was all about getting everything done and perfect {so I thought}everyday.Then I'd start over the next day doing it all over.I missed out on so much!Especially with my kids.Needless to say I'm paying dearly for that now.Was it worth it?No!I know that things will get better but for them to I have to start letting go of "my ways".It's making me feel weak but very humble.Letting go is one of the hardest things for us to do.It has to be done for us to be set free from our stress,worry,and obsessions.I was watching Joyce Meyer this morning and she made a statement on "If you really are trusting in God then you should never ask why".Asking why only keeps us in the worry state.I don't know about you but I definately agree.I wish you all much happiness and peace!