I began to think of my anxiety and how I could explain it to someone who does not understand what I go through, and more importantly how to fix it and feel better and free again
It goes something like this. I am driving down the road in my car when suddenly my windshield whippers(my heart) come on for no reason at all, it is not raining outside yet my whippers are going back and forth, huummm why is that happening??? Then they begin to go really fast scratching the window and making a funny sound. This goes on for days, out of the blue the whippers act up. Each time I get in the car I think about the whippers going crazy. As I think about this the car starts to chug along as if it is about to run out of gas, that is strange, I have a full tank why does it feel as if there is no horsepower left (tires faint, lightheadedness) ??
I begin to think about the tires as I am driving 60 miles an hour down the highway, WHAT IF I blow a tire, OMG I might get in an accident or role my car. I guess I better go to a mechanic (doctor) and get things checked out. My car is new and healthy, I take good care of it, premium gas, wash and wax it and park it in the garage (eat well, exercise and get a good nights sleep). What could be wrong???? The six mechanics I have gone to all say it is fine yet the whippers continue to malfunction, the horn goes off at inappropriate times, the door no longer closes properly and sometimes the lock's get stuck and I feel trapped in the car!!!
Every mechanic I have gone to tells me to just relax, breathe, meditate and stop thinking about it, accept and float with it and eventually all will be well again.
Those mechanics don't know what they are talking about. How am I suppose to drive my daughter to school when the horn suddenly starts honking for no reason. How am I suppose to ride in the upcoming parade??? All I want to do is take the car home and park it in the garage and not go anywhere (agoraphobia)!
I am sure you all get my point and understand where I am coming from. I guess where I am stuck is ......it all feels so real, and it is real, the symptoms are bothersome, I have been to all the mechanics yet I cannot seem to get my car running properly again
There is a missing ingredient for me, something I am not doing or getting.Oh well just thought I would share, I had a moment of creativity, plus it shows the insanity and circular thinking of the disorder. Hope it was not too corny.
Coco