what do i do??

bubblybrunette · Post by **bubblybrunette** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 11:14 am

ok so has anyone else out there had serious problems letting themselves be vulnerable or telling some one how you really feel? i mean im so afraid of getting embarrused or hurt again so it keep me from living... im so sick of having a serious problem with it and i just want to know if im the only one...and if im not, i would love advice.

lost but lookin · Post by **lost but lookin** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:04 pm

Bubbly
I can relate. I close myself off from feeling everything(except feeling sick). I have been married 10 years and have problems telling my husband how I feel or what I need and want. I hide in my bedroom when my kids fight because of fear of confrontation. I have nothing to do with my extended family because of the drama the create. I just cant tell them to shut up or how they make me feel.

Barb G. · Post by **Barb G.** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:27 pm

Both of you will get better as you continue the program. It will really help you especially the lesson on being assertive. Since you're both quite new, give yourself time. You didn't get that way overnite and you won't get over it overnite but this will soon be in your past. You will be totally different than you are now. If you've done the lesson on assertiveness go back and listen to the tape again. Don't stay stuck. You each have gifts and talents. Call out to God and He will help you use them. I wish the best to both of you.

Sammy105 · Post by **Sammy105** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:40 pm

Originally posted by bubblybrunette:
ok so has anyone else out there had serious problems letting themselves be vulnerable or telling some one how you really feel? i mean im so afraid of getting embarrused or hurt again so it keep me from living... im so sick of having a serious problem with it and i just want to know if im the only one...and if im not, i would love advice.

Hey Brunette,
I do know what you feel like, also, but I don't think I can help you unless you fill me in a lil more. What was the last time you felt this embarrassed? Who did it involve? And how did it lead you to thinking this is a problem for you that stops you from having a normal life, I'm curious? We all get embarrassed, and no one wants to be hurt. Sometimes it really shakes us up, sometimes it's easier to move on.
I'd love to hear the details and hopefully see something that you do'nt, that's what I think the point of this blog is. Good luck, though!

bubblybrunette · Post by **bubblybrunette** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:22 am

ok sammy...here are some details. last time i had a seriously good relationship it ended badly...i mean really badly. basically he hurt me a whole lot. since then, i have trouble opening up to other people just cause i dont want to feel that way again...at all. and now theres another guy who i like and i know i should tell him. hes a great guy. but something just wont let me do it...i get way too scared of getting hurt, so i just cant bring my self to tell him how i feel...its really not good and that is why relationships arent easy for me. rejection is just way to horrible to face for me. thanks, everybody, for the advice!

Stagerlee · Post by **Stagerlee** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:57 am

Hey B.B. I have been there, done that. After 10 yrs of baching it and putting up huge walls I got the program after depression set in from death of my son Kevin. Anyways getting back my self confidence started on the chat, opening up to wonderful people who didnt shoot me down. I got up the courage to ask a wonderful lady to marry me in Oct and she said yes, believe it or not. Anyways from that to now happily and I mean HAPPILY married I owe alot of it to the good folks in chat and the great program that taught me skills of life I somehow had missed. Its so great to be a part of the human race again and I believe you are ready too so you go girl and get that smile on,,Bruce

Missletoes · Post by **Missletoes** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:15 am

Hey Brunette. I can relate to how you feel! I won't go into my story, but trust me that it was bad!! Back in February, I read "The Secret" and put some of it's theories into practice. I met a man the very next day who I had been admiring at the library. He asked for my phone number. I could not believe it! I was so anxious and nervous but went to meet him for coffee. Long story short, he wanted to get to know me for sex...that was all. I was so hurt! But, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. I was really hopeful with him, but I also know what I can live with and can't live with. I could not live with a casual relationship. We tried being friends, but that didn't work either. So, I would put myself out there, but know that you are stronger than you think!!!! If this guy doesn't feel the same way, then he was not meant for you. You will never know until you try. Try not to have any regrets.

I'll be thinking of you.
Missletoes = Missi

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 9:51 am

hi b.b.,

yes. i've felt like this, too. i was pretty sure you were talking about a guy, even before Sammy drew you out. (But good work Sammy).

my thing, a lot of times, is that when i like a guy, or anything exciting about life, i get kinda starry-eyed and "swooney".
needless to say, this tends to throw guys off.

i haven't quite figured out how to be vulnerable in an appropriate way--but a few male (platonic) friends have (without solicitation) suggested that i should try to work on this. so i think there's something to this thing we're after.

since the program i've dated a bit more (just a bit). and despite my deficiencies and disappointments, i am glad that i've taken the gamble and let guys know in some form or fashion how i feel.

besides that, all i can say is practice trusting yourself and practice being with other people. go for it

bubblybrunette · Post by **bubblybrunette** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 1:25 pm

thank you guys so much! its always great to know im not the only one at there feeling bad about this kind of stuff. i really appreciate your advice and im really gonna try and work on this problem. thanks again!

*D* · Post by ***D*** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 6:03 am

B.B.
there are many that feel the same way as you have or have felt that way..i was married a long time and it ended and i was alone.it took along time to get through it. and i had anxiety and panic and agrophobia at that time as well..after many failures i met and now am married to the most wonderful lady in the whole world..we can sit and talk about anything. we go to church and rad our bibles and pray together..it was a dream come true. i am writing a book on my life and have a lomng way to go. i put a littleof it in my profile..know that you can overcome this.you will get the tools and the skills you need to begin your journey. take your time and let your heart and not your head lead you..make this be your year to shine as well..GOD BLESS.
DON
if its worth doing then its worth doing right.