Dear ROBIN,
When we're going thru the journey to recovery fr anxiety disorder, we're quite "fragile/vulnerable" over all. More often, than not, during this journey, we realize how insecure we are + we lack loving ourselves, therefore doubt anyone else's ability to love us + our self esteem is way low. Then, if an individual has ever gone thru some traumatic "breakup" OR "abandonment" of some sort - emotionally scarred fr that event, we're gonna ASSUME(having not truly addressed these events & all respective emotions attached) that he/she/they/them is also going to abandon us as well = particularly our spouse/mate - those closest to us.
ANXIETY DISORDER just magnifies it some - makes the fears/low self esteem-self doubt a bit greater.
The effort/process/work involved in RECOVERY dictates that you - the sufferer FOCUS ON YOURSELF - cause technically what needs to HEAL is inside of you. It is that very process that affords us the ability to LEARN to TRULY LOVE OURSELVES. It is the
EFFORT we put forth, out of our inner desire to WANT TO FEEL BETTER & ENHANCE OUR OWN QUALITY OF LIFE, that makes us FINALLY do for OURSELVES. It is this act of "doing for ourselves" that takes us on the desperately needed path of self acceptance(good/bad/indifferent) + self appreciation + most importantly, <span class="ev_code_RED">SELF LOVE.</span>
The reason I mention "self love" is because getting THERE so to speak is very important on the journey to recovery. If we don't love ourselves - how are we to truly let others love us & how are we to
TRULY/ENTIRELY/COMPLETELY love them? When we don't love ourselves, we look to anyone outside of ourselves to VALIDATE US. When we're in the midst of the worst of anxiety disorder, as mentioned, we're vulnerable/needy maybe/very emotionally dependant(@ least I was). Emotionally dependant majority of the time, again - cause we don't love ourselves - so we SPIN THEM WHEELS BABY - looking outside ourselves more often than is healthy. Because we are emotionally DEPENDANT, our EXPECTATIONS of those closest to us are very distorted - sometimes what they do isn't enough.
When we go thru emotionally trying events, they leave scars - a memory on our heart if you will - that "oh, I don't want to happen again". Because it happened when we were insecure - we assume - WE COULDN'T HANDLE IT AGAIN + IT PROB WILL HAPPEN AGAIN & I CAN'T DO IT ON MY OWN. This often happens when we don't allow ourselves the PROCESS of truly admitting/acknowledging/facing/feeling/dealing w/ the events themselves & all respective emotions - w/ the addition of, afterwards a much healthier perspective than the vulnerable US could muster. I personally think, what we're really doing is attempting to avoid having to do just that. In other words, some where deep inside, we know we have this pain & that these events did happen - but we don't want to go THERE. So, indirectly - in current times(= NOW) we try to UNDO it - w/ the people in our lives NOW. See, we want to heal w/o having to go to those bad times - so we create realtionships now that afford us a
DO OVER & TO HEAL = MOVE ON.
When we face our past(bad events) & the respective emotions, we make room in our emotional storage for THE GOOD STUFF - we unburden ourselves w/ all these negative & surpressed emotions = anger/pain/fear/resentment/jealousy/insecurity/ self doubt/lack of self love. Yeah, sometimes we don't even realize they are there - & still wonder "why don't I feel good? I am way too blessed to be stressed or depressed? Why don't I love myself - I am wonderful/beautiful/loving/a great wife/mama/daughter, etc? The process of unburdening ourselves by acknowledging
Yes, this particular thing did happen & it made me feel - "THIS" - makes room in us for us to love ourselves & as a result, love others more & then WONDERFULLY, we allow others to love us back, NO HOLDS BARRED.
I had abandonment issues, as well as MAJOR - 100%+ SELF DOUBT/LOVE. I feared(my biggest fear mind you) I would be forever abandoned as I had been yrs ago. Particularly, during my journey to recovery fr anxiety disorder. Girl, I remember during the beginning sessions w/ my therapist, he told me "I was too ill to work - that I was 1 of the worst cases he had seen". I literally started shaking(my body) & crying in fear "I have to depend on my husband. I've never been able to depend on anyone - I've always had to do for myself - I have no job - suppose he leaves me & I have no home/food - I have no other family - what would I do?" That wasn't the WOMAN LENORE per say - it was my inner child, the child I once was remembering way back then what had happened & feared it terribly happening again. She had been traumatized. So, I the adult, held her hand so to speak & together, WE WENT THERE. Once we did, I felt a burden lifted off my shoulder - there was nothing to fear anymore - cause I went there/faced & felt it all. Then, I faced myself & changed those parts of me that created the anxiety disorder. The process in its totality, allowed me to become emotionally strong/certain/secure/loved myself - morning hair & all, lol
It allowed me to realize what I am truly made of, honestly. My husband enhances my life & we have a beautiful family together. However, my husband did not make me what & all I am - I am not only what I am cause he's in my life - I did that myself & I am wonderful. You see sweetie, I feared being in a situation & not being able to do for myself, by myself - that is how very much I doubted my & my very own abilities. I realized, by anxiety disorder forcing my hand & all that it did take to recovery - the process itself: that I could do for myself, by myself & have. That I am capable of supporting myself + surviving, etc. Once I took myself there & really realized that - I wasn't insecure about him abandoning me too - make sense? Then, I was able to get on to us living our lives together & loving eachother as passionately as we do.
Anxiety will tell you lies upon lies. It will feed off of your vulnerability & insecurity. Don't believe them. Heck, tell it "just shut up - you're full of it." Realize the wonderful woman you are + the fantastic wife you are + the PHENOMINAL MAMA you are. Remember, <span class="ev_code_RED">YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST OR ANYTHING, ANYONE MAY HAVE DONE TO YOU.</span> Take time to get to know yourself & love yourself. You are loved - anxiety just tries to make ya thing you aren't. You are a strong woman who has been thru & survived tough times - you have it in you. You have created a lovely family for yourself - a gift God has blessed you w/. Don't let the past trip that up, its just that - THE PAST, DONE W/ - GONE. You have,
RIGHT HERE & NOW w/ a man who loves you & children who cherish you.
Your Friend,
LENORE
I've learned so much by using this program and of course my faith in God! He brought me to this program. I've been doing alot of journalling and reading of "the word". I feel that I am on my way and nothing can stop me now..HOWEVER, In the past, I have posted about a certain "issue" that just keeps creeping up in my mind. Again, last night and still bothering me this morning. I would like to ask any of you that are in relationships, does anxiety play on your trust for your mate? I have suspicions, etc. about my husbands faithfulness. This is the only "fear" that makes me want to see a Psychiatrist. Yes, I have been cheated on by my ex husband, but I'm over that (I think??) Why after nine years of being with my NOW husband, do I find it hard to trust him? A yr. ago my husband went on a business trip and when he got back, I began "thinking" what if he cheated? Now lastnight, he told me he has to go on another one and it started my "what if's" again...ugh I HATE THIS PART! so, again, my question is,,does anyone else have anxieties over your spouses faithfulness?? thanks everyone, I Know this one shall pass too