It's been a long while since I've posted here. Awhile back I finished the course and although I still had work to do, wow, what a huge HUGE difference!!! I hit some major bumps in the road with my head held high and believed that I could only keep doing better.
Well, those bumps haven't quit and I'm finding myself just falling apart. I'm so anxious and depressed, so unconfident, hiding in a hole, and just plain having a hard time dealing with life.
The Readers Digest version of the year 2007 goes like this:
*My husband lost his construction business, which had fed us for 25 + years, to the building collapse. There was simply no more work and we finally had to shut our doors.
*We put our home up for sale and thankfully we were able to sell it, for a profit even.
*We moved across the country from Michigan to Arizona for construction opportunities. (and this former driving paranoid drove herself 2100 miles behind her husband, with the luggage and 4 of 5 pets!)
*We realized that our research about Arizona's building economy had not been accurate and they were on the verge of a serious downswing. We realized that this was not going to work out for us at all.
*We used part of the proceeds from the sale of our house in Michigan to buy a small and inexpensive house on the west side of the state, back to Michigan. We'd always wanted to live on the big lake, so we went for it. We knew that the west side of Michigan was not as bad economy wise as the Detroit area that we left, but we also knew that it would take awhile to find work. We had the rest of our proceeds to live on meanwhile, and we figured it would just take a few months to get some kind of bill money coming in.
*And so I drove that 2100 miles again. Except for being nervous when roads aren't clearly lined in the dark or really bad weather, I can honestly say that I'm really not afraid to drive anywhere now. So that's a biggie that I'm very proud of!!!
* But months are going by and neither one of us has found work. I'm really starting to freak out here.
*Because of a long term chronic illness, I have not been gainfully employed for years. I am in the process of trying to update office skills so that I have a shot at a job. Because of my health issues, I'm kinda scared of working on my feet all day. But I'd do it if I could get a freakin' job already!!
*I'm not a very confident job seeker to be sure. The whole process has me going crazy here.
*I had one interview and did not get the job. I know this happens all the time, but I'm starting to awfulize everything I said and did at the interview. I'm starting to tell myself that I blew it.
*My symptoms are starting to come back after this long horrible year. I can't afford for this to happen!!!
So in one year, we lost our livelihood of 25 years, moved cross country twice, and now are trying to find work in a horrible economy. I'm really, really scared. I know that my emotions are making things worse, but I feel so out of control.
I feel so all alone in this, even though I know there are so many people out of work, losing their homes, and losing everything. I'm not special in this.
But I feel so isolated and afraid. All day I look forward to the end of the day when I can watch my favorite re-runs and go to bed to turn it all off for awhile. But then I wake up in the middle of the night and toss and turn.
If anyone would please lend some supportive words, or give me an attitude adjustment, I'd sure appreciate it!
Sincerely,
Jeri
Really need some support or a kick in the behind...
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Guest
First of all, congratulations on your driving:), and all your successes with this program:)! I know that you're having a really hard time right now, but aren't you glad you had success with the program before all this happened:)? I'm proud of you. I can't drive on my own right now, so I just think it's such a bid deal.
I'm not facing what you are right now, but I have a ten year old son with severe autism, which is always a chronic source of stress. My husband who is pretty good natured is being attacked at his job right now by a lot of trouble making co-workers so I do know what it's like to face stress. In the past, we got into a situation where we were homeless for a month, and it was extremely stressful. So, I'm trying to validate you that of course you're having fear right now. It's a big deal when you're livelihood of 25 years is being taken away, and changes come that late in life.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I think just being able to come on here and ask for support will help. I don't know exactly what's going to happen with you and your spouse, but I am certain that you are both wise people who will do what you need to do to make it. You may have stress which is very real, but you are going to be able to cope with it. I doubt very seriously that you are going to fall apart right now. You do have the skills from this program, and you are going to implement them when you need to.
It looks like y'all are doing all that you can. You're trying to get a job, and if you needed to do that to have food even if it meant standing on your feet, I have no doubt you would do it. You drove back and forth across the country when you had to, so let that empower you that you did what you needed to do when you needed to do it.
As far as the interview is concerned, I think you are being too hard on yourself. I've just seen that in my life in the past too many times. I've interviewed for one job, didn't get it, and then got a different position at the same company months later. At the job when we were interviewing another candidate, my co-workers made jokes about how I had interviewed and being on the other side now. I thought I had done poorly in the interview and that was why I didn't get the job, and my trainer said, "You were the best interview candidate we ever had!" She had that to say, and I didn't get that job. Go figure. Another time, I had to take this test before I could be interviewed for the job. I didn't get an interview. My therapist was mad at me, and told me I didn't get prepared for the test and acted like I sabotaged it. A few months later, I got a call with the job offer. I asked how I had done on the test, and the supervisor told me that I had done quite well so... I've just seen that too many times. There's just so much that goes on and I can say that from being on the other side. I higher people to sit with my son, and there's just so many factors that go into who I choose that doesn't mean that someone I don't choose is a bad candidate.
I know this isn't the religious section, but God really will give you and your spouse the jobs He wants you to have. I keep talking about the saying, "Reach up to God as far as you can and He'll reach down the rest of the way."
All you can do is what you can do, especially with the shaky economy. The government is implementing programs because of it, so it isn't just you which you already know. If it gets that bad, I just think the government will step in.
I guess my advice from not being in your position right now is to say that all you can do is take it one day at a time. You can implement techniques to improve your office skills, etc., and apply for jobs and go on interviews. You can cut coupons, and implement other cost cutting techniques like buying powdered milk to make what you have stretch further. You can check out movies and books from the library, etc. You're probably already doing things like this, but just in case you're not, there are some good books at the library on cutting your costs.
Sorry I don't have much more to say. I do feel for you, but it just looks like you are doing a good job with your anxiety, and I just think you will do what you need to do when you need to do it to help yourself and your husband.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
I'm not facing what you are right now, but I have a ten year old son with severe autism, which is always a chronic source of stress. My husband who is pretty good natured is being attacked at his job right now by a lot of trouble making co-workers so I do know what it's like to face stress. In the past, we got into a situation where we were homeless for a month, and it was extremely stressful. So, I'm trying to validate you that of course you're having fear right now. It's a big deal when you're livelihood of 25 years is being taken away, and changes come that late in life.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I think just being able to come on here and ask for support will help. I don't know exactly what's going to happen with you and your spouse, but I am certain that you are both wise people who will do what you need to do to make it. You may have stress which is very real, but you are going to be able to cope with it. I doubt very seriously that you are going to fall apart right now. You do have the skills from this program, and you are going to implement them when you need to.
It looks like y'all are doing all that you can. You're trying to get a job, and if you needed to do that to have food even if it meant standing on your feet, I have no doubt you would do it. You drove back and forth across the country when you had to, so let that empower you that you did what you needed to do when you needed to do it.
As far as the interview is concerned, I think you are being too hard on yourself. I've just seen that in my life in the past too many times. I've interviewed for one job, didn't get it, and then got a different position at the same company months later. At the job when we were interviewing another candidate, my co-workers made jokes about how I had interviewed and being on the other side now. I thought I had done poorly in the interview and that was why I didn't get the job, and my trainer said, "You were the best interview candidate we ever had!" She had that to say, and I didn't get that job. Go figure. Another time, I had to take this test before I could be interviewed for the job. I didn't get an interview. My therapist was mad at me, and told me I didn't get prepared for the test and acted like I sabotaged it. A few months later, I got a call with the job offer. I asked how I had done on the test, and the supervisor told me that I had done quite well so... I've just seen that too many times. There's just so much that goes on and I can say that from being on the other side. I higher people to sit with my son, and there's just so many factors that go into who I choose that doesn't mean that someone I don't choose is a bad candidate.
I know this isn't the religious section, but God really will give you and your spouse the jobs He wants you to have. I keep talking about the saying, "Reach up to God as far as you can and He'll reach down the rest of the way."
All you can do is what you can do, especially with the shaky economy. The government is implementing programs because of it, so it isn't just you which you already know. If it gets that bad, I just think the government will step in.
I guess my advice from not being in your position right now is to say that all you can do is take it one day at a time. You can implement techniques to improve your office skills, etc., and apply for jobs and go on interviews. You can cut coupons, and implement other cost cutting techniques like buying powdered milk to make what you have stretch further. You can check out movies and books from the library, etc. You're probably already doing things like this, but just in case you're not, there are some good books at the library on cutting your costs.
Sorry I don't have much more to say. I do feel for you, but it just looks like you are doing a good job with your anxiety, and I just think you will do what you need to do when you need to do it to help yourself and your husband.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
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Guest
Songbird, I'm too would like to help more than words. I agree with "LP". Please use your StressCenter.com material. Review: maybe even the notes you made in note book or journal. Put those small cards - that review each session; in key locations. Use the relaxation session alot, and other calming music, if you watch TV try to select calming shows.
You have PROVEN you are strong (both of you
) You've proven that you can change!! I bet you can think "outside the box" & find a "niche" for you(s) to contribute / earn. You Are Not Alone..& you have pets 
-- let them calm you. I believe every human is capable of more than we think. Session 8 was about Anticipatory Anxiety - Lucinda refers to the "Anticipatory Wall" - don't let it hinder you.
Another outside "help": food pantry or soup kitchens. I occassionaly help at a pantry...we see all sorts of situations which cause people to need some help. Sure, it is hard to ask for help but if you were able to help someone you would want them to accept your help, right.
I'm sure that you are further ahead since you've posted - just getting back on the path and realizing there are tools is part of this journey! You will sling shot forward and you will be in the encouraging role
Good nite, and when you wake up in the middle of the nite, practice deep breathing and speak the positive words: "What if we find a better way of living?"
You have PROVEN you are strong (both of you
) You've proven that you can change!! I bet you can think "outside the box" & find a "niche" for you(s) to contribute / earn. You Are Not Alone..& you have pets -- let them calm you. I believe every human is capable of more than we think. Session 8 was about Anticipatory Anxiety - Lucinda refers to the "Anticipatory Wall" - don't let it hinder you.Another outside "help": food pantry or soup kitchens. I occassionaly help at a pantry...we see all sorts of situations which cause people to need some help. Sure, it is hard to ask for help but if you were able to help someone you would want them to accept your help, right.
I'm sure that you are further ahead since you've posted - just getting back on the path and realizing there are tools is part of this journey! You will sling shot forward and you will be in the encouraging role
Good nite, and when you wake up in the middle of the nite, practice deep breathing and speak the positive words: "What if we find a better way of living?"-
Guest
If you've lived long enough I'm sure you know by now that bad times don't last forever. The economy doesn't stay down forever and things will change. They always do. Try to focus on 1-you were able to sell your house for a profit - lucky you! 2- Your husband has skills and knowledge from the business to do this again when it gets better. And so do you if you were in any way involved in the business. 3- What about a bookkeeping home business for you? Quick Books is easy to learn and you can do it on line from colleges. I'm sure after having this business all these years you know the ins and outs of a business. 4- Don't get it in your head that because of the economy things will get worse for you - I ended up getting a job years ago when the economy was so bad everyone told me it was impossible. -even I thought it was. It wasn't. Have faith even if it looks impossible.
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Guest
Thank you so much for your caring, supportive replies and good advice!
I'm realizing two things. One, it's only human to feel this way in my situation. Who wouldn't feel afraid, anxious, and depressed given everything we've been through and still need to solve? Maybe I should give myself a break and treat myself with some gentle forgiveness? And two, I am lacking in confidence and self-esteem, especially where this employment search is concerned. What if I can't get hired? I've been out of the working world for a long time, maybe no one will want me? What if I get sick again? What if anxiety ruins my interviews or I get a resurgence of panic attacks on the job? What if, what if, what if???? All I can do is keep trying and keep working on building more skills.
Perhaps I need to remind myself of my strengths and just how far I've come. And yes, perhaps this is great time to review my course skills!!
Thank you again. I appreciate all of you so very much
Jeri
I'm realizing two things. One, it's only human to feel this way in my situation. Who wouldn't feel afraid, anxious, and depressed given everything we've been through and still need to solve? Maybe I should give myself a break and treat myself with some gentle forgiveness? And two, I am lacking in confidence and self-esteem, especially where this employment search is concerned. What if I can't get hired? I've been out of the working world for a long time, maybe no one will want me? What if I get sick again? What if anxiety ruins my interviews or I get a resurgence of panic attacks on the job? What if, what if, what if???? All I can do is keep trying and keep working on building more skills.
Perhaps I need to remind myself of my strengths and just how far I've come. And yes, perhaps this is great time to review my course skills!!
Thank you again. I appreciate all of you so very much
Jeri
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Guest
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Guest
Good advice, Mary
I worked part time for my husband, mostly keeping things halfway organized, fielding phone calls and the like. I did do a little on Quickbooks; mostly entering a few checks or entering deposits then running to the bank. The problem is that I didn't do *a lot* on it and now I feel that I need to go back and learn it more thoroughly. I just don't feel confident enough to say I know Quickbooks at this point.
On the other hand, I found a free online class where I am better learning Excel. For anyone reading this, you can go to <A HREF="http://www.gcflearnfree.org" TARGET=_blank>www.gcflearnfree.org</A> where you can learn the basics and then some on MS Office. There are 3 weeks courses with instructors as well as do it yourself tutorials. We do need all the skills we can get these days!!!
We had a bright spot and a big let down today. My husband found out that he didn't qualify high enough for a federal job he had applied for a few months ago, and he was very disappointed. He'd really been hoping as it was right up his alley and would have meant working at a beautiful park here. The bright spot: I mentioned that job interview that I had eventually decided that I must have totally blown. I got a call from the doctor today who told me that he had indeed filled the position but wanted to keep my resume on hand as his practice was growing. The drive to work would have been over an hour and it sounded like he was really worried about that, especially since I live here in the snow belt. He asked, "you wouldn't be moving anytime soon would you?" lol!! I felt like saying "Hey, if your new person isn't what you hoped, just tell me when to show up!" But what I told him is that this would be wonderful as I was very interested in working there and how much I enjoyed meeting him and his wife...both quite true statements!
It did make me feel LOTS BETTER, that I wasn't a total screw up, lol!
Now we just need those jobs.......soon!
I worked part time for my husband, mostly keeping things halfway organized, fielding phone calls and the like. I did do a little on Quickbooks; mostly entering a few checks or entering deposits then running to the bank. The problem is that I didn't do *a lot* on it and now I feel that I need to go back and learn it more thoroughly. I just don't feel confident enough to say I know Quickbooks at this point.
On the other hand, I found a free online class where I am better learning Excel. For anyone reading this, you can go to <A HREF="http://www.gcflearnfree.org" TARGET=_blank>www.gcflearnfree.org</A> where you can learn the basics and then some on MS Office. There are 3 weeks courses with instructors as well as do it yourself tutorials. We do need all the skills we can get these days!!!
We had a bright spot and a big let down today. My husband found out that he didn't qualify high enough for a federal job he had applied for a few months ago, and he was very disappointed. He'd really been hoping as it was right up his alley and would have meant working at a beautiful park here. The bright spot: I mentioned that job interview that I had eventually decided that I must have totally blown. I got a call from the doctor today who told me that he had indeed filled the position but wanted to keep my resume on hand as his practice was growing. The drive to work would have been over an hour and it sounded like he was really worried about that, especially since I live here in the snow belt. He asked, "you wouldn't be moving anytime soon would you?" lol!! I felt like saying "Hey, if your new person isn't what you hoped, just tell me when to show up!" But what I told him is that this would be wonderful as I was very interested in working there and how much I enjoyed meeting him and his wife...both quite true statements!
It did make me feel LOTS BETTER, that I wasn't a total screw up, lol!
Now we just need those jobs.......soon!
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Guest
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Guest
Songbird - Please watch what you say to yourself. Remember that you are always talking to the small child within. Soothe, soothe. You are going through a very stressful time right now. Comfort yourself all the time. Write the soothing phrases down so you have them handy. Put in tape 3 as a reminder to yourself. And, when you get really scared - hold a doll that represents you the child. Comfort her. Tell her it's OK to feel how she is feeling. Things are very tough right now but I CAN HANDLE IT. (You are infact handling things really well. Remind yourself of this.) Also remind yourself that you don't know the outcome but you will handle whatever it is. Use your calm breath work and stay as present as possible. Staying present will help to give you the break that you need from your pestering thoughts. Right now perhaps you really don't know what to do but in the quiet of the present moment answers will come.