I am a new member to the forum and the program. I first just want to say how thankful I am to have a place to express my story to others who have experienced some or all of what I have experienced. Secondly, I also want to say that writing in this post (this is a first time ever for me for any type of post)is a huge step for me. I am clearly in the early stage of my recovery but I tell you what - admitting that I have a problem that needs to be dealt with is a wonderful thing. That's all I talk about now to my husband, close friends, family, etc. Not in a "poor me" kinda way but rather in a way to say "yes, I have some things that I'm dealing with and I'm not going to be too scared nor embarrassed to tell the world about it". I really think that this approach, in addition to the other steps, have been a jumpstart for me. No more pretending that nothing's wrong - time to recognize it and find a solution.
As I began to reflect on just how long I've been going through my "episodes", I realized that I've experienced them from very early on. As a child I was paralyzed by fear when it came to just about everything (inherited that trait from my mom!). Then as I began to age the "what if" syndrome kicked in big time. As I moved further in my career, I would go into a total panic when I had to hold a meeting or handle a confrontational situation with a staff member or employee. Soon, all of the stress of dealing with these situations led to my Irritable Bowel Syndrome symptoms. I went for every test imaginable but was told that nothing was (is) wrong. My IBS got to be so bad (especially when it came to taking my trip home on the NYC subway each night) that it started to really rule my life. I was also so afraid of "becoming sick" while traveling home that I would have to pair up with someone or stop off mid-way to my safe zone (the hotel restroom) before continuing my journey... not a fun way to live. Funny thing, I have this fear of getting sick and having to vomit and I the reality is that I can actually count on one hand the number of times that it actually happenned but spent my entire day worrying about it. Anyway, as the IBS took total control of my lfe, I decided enough was enough. Packed up the family, sold the house and relocated to beautiful North Carolina. For the first 2 years, I lived in NC - it was the best life ever!! No more IBS, no more NY subway, money in the bank, happy as can be.. but then one day..."it" happenned again. This one attack that I experienced about a month ago now has put a new spin on my newly found independence - now a fear of getting sick while driving since my attack just so happenned to come on while I was in the car. I wrote all of this today for two reasons 1) to admit that I have a real problem and that it wasn't just riding the subway and 2)In hopes of being able to share my story - the good side - the peace that I experienced for once in my life. Normalcy is available, it's possible, it's achievable. We can overcome the darkness of uncontrolled anxiety. I am determined with the help of Lucinda, the program and the support of my peers to get through this thing once and for all. I deserve it ... we deserve it...Let's fight back and do it together!!
I'm new and just felt like sharing...
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Searching for some peace
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:39 am
Thank you. I am trying, but admit it is hard to face the fact that you have a problem. Since "coming out" I have found that so many others are experiencing the same thing but not many people talk about it (except in a forum like this,of course). I want to get help so that I can also help others pull through too.