isolation

ShelbyFae · Post by **ShelbyFae** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:21 pm

Hello All~

I've written and edited and rewritten this post a dozen different times and none of it sounds right when I read it back, so I'm just going to cut to the chase and push "send."

Here goes:
I am almost completely isolated in my life. I have a yoga class that I do my very best to attend 3 times per week. I also have a therapist I see maybe twice a month. I have no one to call when feeling down, no family here or that I can really talk to and no one comes to visit. I've lived in this town for almost a year now and I have made no friends. I joined the gym (yoga class) not only for the body movement/exercise but in hopes of meeting some new people and carving my way out of this isolation.

I feel so totally lost. People in my yoga class are just like me. They come in, lay down their mats, do the yoga and leave.
I want and desperately NEED to make contact with others, to be able to go on outings, to be able to pick up the phone and call someone...or to have someone call me!!!!I need a friend! Just one will do! I'm not greedy.

I do not know how to approach this situation of making friends and this is a first for me. I've introduced myself a couple of times to people in my yoga class and after exchanging a few very surface comments with eachother, that's where it ends. Never in my life have I felt so socially inept! I need feedback, suggestions, etc.

Having the hardest time even writing to this forum about it. And to think my mother used to refer to me as such a "social butterfly".

The fact is...I am sooooo so sooo damned lonely. I just need some advice on how to go about bringing some companionship into my life. Yes, I have a boyfriend. We live together. We dont' talk much and I do not expect him to fill any of my social needs. This isn't about him or anything he is lacking, so please don't go there.

I know it's good when I CAN make it to my yoga class to just BE AROUND other people....to know there is a world out there beyond this rental of mine/ours that grows smaller and smaller each week. I ache for the simplest of conversations...face to face...with someone sincerely interested in getting to know me. I daydream about having a standing "date" with a gal pal for a good game of gin and some hot tea....once a week or even once a month!

What should I do? I scour the paper each week to see if there are any local happenings and there isn't much in the way of anything that doesn't involve a commute.

I'm now losing the nerve to even post this, so I'm going to end this here and be brave.

Please talk to me about this. I know I'm not the only one!

Shelby

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:45 pm

Hi Shelby,

I can relate to everything you're saying. Sorry I can't advise you. I also feel that isolation but I have anxiety about meeting people and developing relationships, so we're different in that way.

I think you're doing the right things. I always hear that people should try volunteering for causes that are important to them, and get involved in activities they enjoy, and meeting people will come then. I don't know if that's at all helpful to you but good luck.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:18 pm

Hi Shelby, Oh boy, I can relate to your situation so well. I too feel terribly lonely. I live alone in a tiny apt. and don't get out nearly enough. I am a lot older than you I'm sure and I have worked all my life which I think kept me going, but being retired is terribly difficult for me. I have lost all my immediate family so that is tough as well. I have to say I do have two very good friends I can call and know I should be grateful for that which I am. I think it is more a loneliness inside myself - whenever I am with other people I know I come "alive" and often people will think I am the life and soul of the party! If they only knew!. Suffering with this A/D doesn't help of course, but I am finding the program helpful and try not to be so negative about everything. I wont go on any more but please know that I really feel for you and would love to hear more from you. I live in Canada, originally from England, my e-mail address is joyjenkins@rogers.com if you feel like e-mailing me. My phone no. is 416-488-4389 (probably shouldn't put that on here but who cares), so I know its long distance but it would be wonderful to speak to you. At least you would have one person (friend) you can call. I will end now, but know I am thinking about you.
Sincerely, Joy

lost_1 · Post by **lost_1** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:07 pm

Okay, I just posted a reply to Leda and it didn't show up. It was a rather lengthy one as well. Phooey. Perhaps it was just so full of "woe is me" isms that the internet gawds saw fit to recycle it instead. Ah well.

In a nutshell, Leda...thanks so much for your reply.

Be Well~

Shelby

forever young 06 · Post by **forever young 06** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:11 pm

Joy~

Oh, how I wish my original response to this post would have gone through. So much was explained and now, I fear, I do not have the mental or emotional energy to draw these pictures again with words.
I want to thank you, tho', Joy. From my heart in California to yours in the great white north. I truly felt you reach out through your reply to me and I am ever grateful to you.
I will be back on later after I've had a damned good n' thorough cry.
Gentle Blessings to You~
Shelby

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:34 pm

Hi - I could have written your post word for word. Try some different classes. I also practice yoga 2-3x per week but in a more light-hearted studio with some laughing and conversation during the class. Having lived in this town almost 2 years, making friends has been difficult. I have almost none and no family here either. It takes time. You may find some relief by just getting out of the house for a while and spending time in public places. I personally like book stores such as Barnes and Noble where many people are looking at magazines, studying, etc. It maks me feel more connected. Friends will come with time. Look in your local paper and see what events are going on and take yourself to them. For example, recently I attended an art gallery opening. Get out there and do some things! PM me anytime also. All of us here are your friends. I've spent a good bit of time in California, southern Cali, and it can be a sort of plastic place. Hang in there and remember it takes time to find people when you're not attending school where there are ready-made friends. Come to think of it, why not take an evening class that interests you. Accept the commute; it is a part of living in Cali; I remember it well. Update us soon.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:37 pm

you definately are not the only one. i understand how you feel. sorry i don't have any good advice since i'm in the same spot, but i think it's really good your involved in this forum, i think a lot of people with anxiety and depression stuggle with this same problem.

epa · Post by **epa** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 5:55 pm

Hi Shelby. At times we are so alone and want to reach out. At times I don't want to see or talk to anyone except if they are on line. And then not even them. Then other times no one would know I'm a loner/escapist/TV addict/ Could be sort of agoraphobic but still like to get in my car and drive to Walmart.

Just joined a ladies Sunday school class and enjoy that. When I feel good about my self, I'm better about going out. If I gain weight I want to escape. If my ex-husband bad-mouths me to our daughter I'm in a place where I can't defend myself. I also want to escape the fact there is nothing I can do about what others are saying or thinking.
I hope you reach out to the others who gave you some contact. I'm also available anytime you want to email or IM if I'm on. mysnoopy47@yahoo
I'm thinking of changing my email maybe next month. At times it helps to IM and just vent. I feel bad you don't have family and also reading others here don't either. My husband is very good to me and gave me the program by Lucinda.
I'm still only on the very first lesson. it is not easy to "think" about things that hurt. I'm thinking of joining Curves because this year I gained 50 pounds!!!!! comfort food. I don't tell my friends about my problem because they just wouldn't understand or get it. And we all hate to be labeled. So hang in there and know each day is another opportunity to change. You are not alone. So many of us are feeling the same things you typed. Take care!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:31 pm

Hello! I can relate to what you are saying as well. I live in California also away from all my family. Mostly hang out with only my boyfriend. Had some friends here as I have lived here 8 yrs. But have lost touch or they have moved. I miss having a girl friend to spend time with or just talk. I do feel like I socailize at work alot as I deal with the public and my co workers. Maybe work could be a some what socail time for you. I know it is not the same as having a real friend. Where do you live in California? If we were close maybe we could get together. It would be great to have a friend that understands anxiety as well . I have anxiety about meeting new people so it is hard sometimes. Good luck with all! You could email as well at kelli92109@hotmail.com

Malikye · Post by **Malikye** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 8:35 pm

Hi there Shelby, my name is Ancilee and your post sounded as if I wrote it myself. Just so you know, you are definately not alone on this planet.
I have lived in Nebraska (from Northern California originally,then Washington and Montana)and I have been here for 11 years w/ no real friends to speak of. I am very outgoing once I meet people that are fair, honest and nice (trust is a huge issue w/ me), but I am having a very hard time here in a tiny town w/ lots of people that have children(I couldn't), retired older folks and/or just way younger than I am(43, but look much younger which is a problem as well).It's as if I'm an "oddball out" anymore. I have always had some great friends in other places I lived, but the Stress is so weird to me. People stay to themselves and are so judgmental!
Anyhow, I am married, but he works so much and has to do so to pay the bills, hence he is gone overnights working on the railroad which in itself is hard on relationships and MANY marriages suffer.
I spend many a holidays alone, no family here and no family in general anyway ( they are just too toxic for me), except my husbands but sometimes I feel weird just being around them.

They are always expecting me to be normal(not in pain, why do I have these illness', on and on) but I am not "normal"..lol.
I have a weird, insideous kidney stone disease that is incureable and fibromyalgia=pain, pain, pain that racks my lil body so often that I'm disabled from it all. Needless to say, I had to quit working in 2000.
Anyhoo, your a brave woman for telling us how you feel and i give you many high fives and kudos for being so honest and sending that message!!
Are you in the program? I am on week 1, should be week 2 but I am just barely getting by w/ 3-4 hrs of sleep a night due to insommnia..UGH!
Anyhow, this is long so I will end it here.
I just want to say that I know how you feel. I want to be in a band or act on a stage locally or sing or something, but I am stuck in this awful body w/ no end in sight.
I say, go for it and commute or just go somewhere to meet women in general..maybe church? I don't know, but you need to make a change it sounds like, just as most of us do here...

So, I am here as well if you ever want to bounce anything off of someone that can relate. Lonely in boring Nebraskaland,
Ancilee