help me realize i am not this person
i had panic issues after a surgery back in febuary and then i started taking lexapro for 6days i felt horrible so i got off i then started having unwanted thoughts and all though i know it was prob the meds and me being down at the time i can't really let those scary unwanted thoughts go. i was terrified of a knife in the sink and then one night i was giving my boys a bath and i was terrifed i would freak out like andrea yates did and i had to get out of the bath room. my face was sooo flushed my check went numb and i was in panic mood. i know i would never do anything to my kids but when that horrible scary thought came to mind it scared the poop out of me and i still to this day have a hard time bathing them because this whole episode i went throught comes back. i know in my heart it is prob ocd or just the big O. what my prob is now is that i was getting dressed for work wednesday morming and on the morning show i was watching they were interviewing her ex husband rusty and i knew i should have turned it because now i am soooo scared she started with the what ifs and the anxiety i have. i don't know what all she had but it is soooo scary i am not her i know that but i just can't stop thinking what if she was normal and then freaked out. well last night i did something i should not have done got on line and googled her name and trying to prove to myself i am not like her. well i came across an article that talked about when she had her first child she was thinking about knives and i did that but i was terrifed of them that they would hurt me are someone and had scary thought about it. i am scared. i have no other symptoms that they described in the article. my kids are 7 and 3 and i didn't have post partum that i remember . please give some feed back if anyone can relate are help me calm down.
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MelMbrsl75
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2007 7:06 am
Good Morning Kris. I want for you to breathe and try and calm down. I worte a post last summer similar to yours. I was very anxious about Andrea Yates as well and wondering if I would commit such a horrific act as she did. I researched her as well to see what drove her to do what she did.
I have Pure O and mine is around scary, obsessive thoughts. I have had this type of OCD since I was a child and I look back now and remember have thoughts that made me feel sick to my stomach. My thoughts peaked after I went through something very hard in marriage and I then began to do a full research on OCD to try and educate myself on what I was going through.
I have read several excellent books on OCD and I know so much now and that has benifited me in great ways to be able to rest my mind.
I want for you to know that everyone in this world has scary thoughts, everyone. No one person is immune to having them ever. The difference between us and them is they just say "what a weird thought" and go on with their day and think nothing else of it. We for example will ponder over the thought for hours,weeks,months.
Do me a favor? When you have a thought please just let it be there. Do not try and fight the thought or try and find out why you are having the thought, just say to yourself :this is just a thought and it does not mean anything, everyone has thoughts". You see the more you fight the thought the worse they become, I know this from first hand experince. It will not be easy Kris and it will probably cause you some anxiety, maybe alot, but it is imperitive that you do this.
From my research on Andrea Yates she was not afraid of her thoughts, she entertained them and she was mentally sick in her mind Kris. We have a form of OCD that is classified as anxiety, she was not having anxiety, she was mentally ill. You are not Andrea Yates, you are a great mother who loves her two children and you will never do what she did and the reason for this is that your thoughts scare you and they cause you great anxiety.
I have two boys, ages 15 and 9 and even though mine are older than yours I had scary thoughts with only my younger son whom at the time was 7, just like yours. I feel we have these thoughts because they are so young, so innocent, so vunnerable and dependent on us, this is normal.
I will tell you one of the key things that have helped me is this and that is to say well, I could commit this act, but the chances of this happening are slim to none. This caused me such anxiety when I first read this in one of my books on OCD. Yo not be able to assure myself 100% about anything which I liked to do, but the fact of the matter is this and the truth is this, that when we go out to the store we really have no way of knowing that we will not get into a car accident right? Right. But we go about our way because as I read and learnt is this the chances of that are slim are to nothing but it does not stop us from going to the store to get a gallon of milk, we take that chance. You cannot assure yourself in anything in this life Kris, nothing, you can never assure yourself that you will never bring danger to anyone, but knowing that you are a good, kind mom, you know that the chances of that happening are almost 0. If it scares you, then you need not fear it. If it entertains you then you need to seek help,, but reading your post I can tell it is causing you great anxiety.
Are you on Cafe Mom? I began a group there for moms and we have quite a following now. There are alot of moms like you and me and there are just alot of people in general who have scary thoughts. Email me and I will give you the link.
I have Pure O and mine is around scary, obsessive thoughts. I have had this type of OCD since I was a child and I look back now and remember have thoughts that made me feel sick to my stomach. My thoughts peaked after I went through something very hard in marriage and I then began to do a full research on OCD to try and educate myself on what I was going through.
I have read several excellent books on OCD and I know so much now and that has benifited me in great ways to be able to rest my mind.
I want for you to know that everyone in this world has scary thoughts, everyone. No one person is immune to having them ever. The difference between us and them is they just say "what a weird thought" and go on with their day and think nothing else of it. We for example will ponder over the thought for hours,weeks,months.
Do me a favor? When you have a thought please just let it be there. Do not try and fight the thought or try and find out why you are having the thought, just say to yourself :this is just a thought and it does not mean anything, everyone has thoughts". You see the more you fight the thought the worse they become, I know this from first hand experince. It will not be easy Kris and it will probably cause you some anxiety, maybe alot, but it is imperitive that you do this.
From my research on Andrea Yates she was not afraid of her thoughts, she entertained them and she was mentally sick in her mind Kris. We have a form of OCD that is classified as anxiety, she was not having anxiety, she was mentally ill. You are not Andrea Yates, you are a great mother who loves her two children and you will never do what she did and the reason for this is that your thoughts scare you and they cause you great anxiety.
I have two boys, ages 15 and 9 and even though mine are older than yours I had scary thoughts with only my younger son whom at the time was 7, just like yours. I feel we have these thoughts because they are so young, so innocent, so vunnerable and dependent on us, this is normal.
I will tell you one of the key things that have helped me is this and that is to say well, I could commit this act, but the chances of this happening are slim to none. This caused me such anxiety when I first read this in one of my books on OCD. Yo not be able to assure myself 100% about anything which I liked to do, but the fact of the matter is this and the truth is this, that when we go out to the store we really have no way of knowing that we will not get into a car accident right? Right. But we go about our way because as I read and learnt is this the chances of that are slim are to nothing but it does not stop us from going to the store to get a gallon of milk, we take that chance. You cannot assure yourself in anything in this life Kris, nothing, you can never assure yourself that you will never bring danger to anyone, but knowing that you are a good, kind mom, you know that the chances of that happening are almost 0. If it scares you, then you need not fear it. If it entertains you then you need to seek help,, but reading your post I can tell it is causing you great anxiety.
Are you on Cafe Mom? I began a group there for moms and we have quite a following now. There are alot of moms like you and me and there are just alot of people in general who have scary thoughts. Email me and I will give you the link.
Melissa
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather
thank you melissa. you have helped me so much i worked myself up so much last night i was soooo scared so scared it was like i was crying inside.i know i just need to let this go and i get so caught up in it that like for example now my kids are fighting in the living room and i just walked in there to get onto them and i started getting scared like what if this is what she did. did she yell at them and lose it. omg i can't keep doing this to myself it is horrible. i have never had these scary thought and i have seen a counsleor and she told me i was no where near depression or suicide beause that was a fear too because of some stuff i have read on the internet and i had fears of anti depressants making me do that so i recently stopped taking it with the help of my doc. i had a friend tell me that certain meds made her feel that way so then i started thinking and telling myself it was doing that to me and i knew it wasnt it was the anxiety doing it but it is hard to fight when you let it win. my counselor diagnosed me with severe anxiety caused by a trauma which all we can figure was my surgery becuase i was soooo terrified of it and came out terrifed after it was over. it has been a hell of 9 months but i know and understand that i make these thoughts happen and i just need to let them go and move on and i was doing good until i saw that on tv and then i pulled up research on her. i hate the pure O but i am not going to let it win. i have been on cafe mom i my email is kriskam01@yahoo.com
Hey! I was also on Lexapro. But I was on it for over a year and weaned off it then quit cold turkey. I know how it feels to be you and ive been looking for someone that has the same feelings as me so I know im not just going crazy. I have the weirdest thoughts ever and thoughts about my past and exboyfriends...I have an awesome boyfriend-My mind obsesses on stuff and I cant stop it from happening. I have a feeling it is just from quitting the Lexapro so quickly. What do you think?
I am not sure it is from the lexapro or not. What does your doc say? I want you to know that you are not alone at all with your thoughts. They are actually VERY common though. Everyone gets them. We just obsess over them. We don’t just take it in as a weird thought and that is it. We will obsess over it. I would suggest talking with an anxiety expert. That is what I did and this program. It has helped so much. Good Luck. If you want to talk I am here.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything." Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God