obsessive thoughts ruining my life

pointyboy · Post by **pointyboy** » Mon Nov 03, 2008 3:20 pm

Help... I'm feeling very hopeless. I have recently (June) started having obsessive thoughts about meaningless things. The pink elephant thing but all day. It's very painful and is interfering with my daily life. I'm very sensitive to medication and my doc has me on 5 medications. I used to be on Paxil for years and once I went off of it a couple of years ago I relapsed into 3 major depressions and now these intolerable thoughts. It started out as bad thoughts about people and then it generalized into obsessing about obsessing over meaningless things. Such as doors opening and closing, toilets flushing, sitting up and down in my seat... I keep telling myself to stop giving so much power into such ridiculous thoughts. The list is huge and I can't seem to control them. I wake up every morning dreading the day and have panic attacks every morning because my life is so painful. I've been suffering the depression for over a year but the obsessive thoughts are killing me. I am spending thousands of dollars on doctors. He has me on 5 meds and recently started me on Paxil again. I'm taking a very low dose now, hoping that I can tolerate it again. This will be my 4th try in the last year. I am very scared for my life thinking these thoughts will cause me to kill myself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 12:48 am

Number one, you need to just let the thoughts be there and do not look into them anymore. Trying to find a solution to this will only make it worse.

You can make this better!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 2:32 am

First of all. Please remember, people that committ suicide are NEVER afraid for their life as you stated you were. Being in fear of suicide proves your true love for life despite the pain you are currently feeling. Again, any fear of killing yourself is merely a thought. I do not know if you are in Lucinda's program but it could be of tremendous help, believe me. My scary thinking and anxiety began to dissipate considerably when I truly stopped being afraid of them as much. When I decided that I would float with them and not fight. You are going to be fine even though I may not feel like that now. If you are not in the program I encourage you to do so. If you are , then I would review lesson two. It teaches us how we are the ones scaring ourselves and we can learn to stop. I truly feel for you and knwo that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel for you too.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 2:40 am

Dear Pointyboy:

Please listen to every single session once a week several times a week. Regardless of how badly you feel right now, working on your congnitive thought process will definatly help you while you wait for your medication to start working. Do you have the program...if you don't, it is definately worth getting. Hang in there, help is on your way. The thoughts are the most challenging for me as well...but working with them appropriately has helped me tremendously.

Keep coming to the forum and let us know how you are doing.

Lynn

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:00 am

Things are incredibly tough for me now. I feel as though I have no purpose. I've been a teacher for 17 years and I'm only working in the afternoons cuz that's all I can handle. This has been going on for over a year and a half and I'm in terrible pain. I dread my days because of the thoughts. I'm not sure if meds will even work. They haven't thus far. I don't want to live but I don't want to die either.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:27 am

Originally posted by pointyboy:
I don't want to live but I don't want to die either.

You sound like you're experiencing alot of pain. I'm wondering if you actually meant I don't want to live with this amount of pain, and I don't want to die either.
I'm sensing that you actually DO want to live, but you want your life to be more pleasant.

Have you tried being obsessive about something on purpose? For example, committing to one hour to pleasure yourself each day or one hour of pure laughter. For example, a relaxing bubble bath, good chocolate, a humorous movie... you fill in the blank...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 7:05 am

It's incredibly hard to get pleasure out of anything. I've tried activities but do not get relief the way I used to. I was an avid runner and had a great feeling. I've tried running again and I feel like crap because of all the distractions (obsessions) and medications. I miss me.....and am completely frustrated and scared. I have tried everything. I even checked myself into Menniger clinic for 2 weeks in Texas and didn't get a whole lot of relief. That cost me $21,000 even more depressing.

Rachel D · Post by **Rachel D** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:41 am

Hi Pointyboy

I TOTALLY understand your obsessions. I do the same things and its frustrating. It helps if you can keep saying who cares if I do this or oh well that I have these obsessions. Getting caught up in them makes it worse. I find that I have a feeling of hatred toward myself for these obsessions so I try some affirmation such as "Even though I am scared by these thoughts (or obsessing) I completely and deeply love myself. It helps. Medication will help you find the humor and strength to help yourself deal with these scary thoughts. Its kind of refreshing to hear someone who's experienced the kind of things I have. I sometimes feel hyper focused or obsessive over meaningless things that occur as well. Makes me feel like I am going crazy some times...blech! Remember you are always loved and you will recover.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 8:13 pm

bro I have the exact same thing, I even felt that My life stopped when I had my obsessive thoughts, that I will not get back the real me again, the one full of life and strength, and each time it hurts me bad when I try to remember how I used to think before the obsession hitted, it took me 2 years of my life to manage my brain, everyone has depression in some point of their lives, I also had the same fear of doing something wrong to myself or going crazy if they still there in my brain, I was saying how can I EVER be happy if I have these thoughts in my brain lurking there every single day, why can't these thoughts become boring for gods sake????? even sex can get boring if you think about it 24/7 for a year why don't these just stop, I felt Im in a trap that I wont get out from, well actually it is not, you are the architec of your own thinking, and finding a solution doesn't mean you should feel ok like a click no, it takes time to heal like a flu, specially I here feel exactly like you, 2 years my frineds and each day was like the first day I have ocd, but It will go away slowly and I never took medication at all, I just know that these thoughts can come to everyone but the others dont give a damn and also should we.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 1:29 pm

Try repeating this: od has not given us the spirit of fear, but of Love Power and a sound mind. (just say it over and over and over .......

ALso Phillippians:8 helps me to control my thoughts: look i up but it goes somethign like this "Whatsoevr things are , pure, whatsoever things are lovely. whatsoevr things sre of a Goood report, if there be any virtue if there be any praise.......THINK ON THESE THINGS!