Help
I got through session 8 awhile ago but have not finished. Yesterday, my anxiety was high. Work is troubling and they laid off 3 people the week before. I started to have a drink and then another and another. In my stupor, I ended up making a big mistake and sent an to my ex wife. DUMB. My wife doesn't know. It's not like I want the ex back or anything, I definitely do not. But I can't stop thinking about what she did to me so many years ago. I get in this cycle of high anxiety, drinking to numb it, and then doing something stupid.
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Guest
Hi, Karl70,
It sounds like you are in a tough spot. I am not sure from your post exactly what you sent to your ex-wife, but that does not really matter. What matters is how you are holding onto the past and letting it hold you back in your recovery. I used to hang onto the past A LOT. I could not see the colors of my future or live in the present moment because I spent so much time living in the past. It caused my life to be stalled. I am working through that stuff in the past, and I have found that most of my issues around them have not centered on what others have done to me per se, but what I felt I had done or not done to contribute to the situation, especially the feelings of failure I felt and the lack of self-forgiveness I experienced. For example, I recently had a friend of eight years end our friendship. (She has a lot of problems, too, and is probably borderline or bipolar.) Over the course of that eight years, we both made a lot of mistakes. But I beat myself up every day for eight years for the ones I made and blamed myself for the ones she made. I thought, if only I had just worked harder at our friendship...if only I had done this...if only, if only, if only. At first, I was heart broken that she ended the friendship. Now, I see that it was the best thing, and it was something that I myself had wanted to do for so long but didn't have the courage to do so. Now, I have let that go. I have forgiven her and forgiven myself and find that I feel incredibly free to live my life without the chains of the past dragging me down. The point is, ask yourself this question: What can I do about the situation? Obviously, you can't go back and change the situation with your ex-wife. You can't change her either. The only thing you can do is control and/or change your reaction to her and the situation. Try forgiving yourself and her. It is in the past afterall. And you are married to a wonderful woman who loves you. By living in the past, you are not living in the present, enjoying each day that you have with your wife and looking toward the future. Finish session 8, or start the program over again. And slow down on the drinking as it appears to be making your anxiety worse. Remember, you are in control! Not your anxiety, not your ex-wife, and not the past! You are in control. Get back on the horse and ride into the sunset. You can do it! I believe in you!
Genie
It sounds like you are in a tough spot. I am not sure from your post exactly what you sent to your ex-wife, but that does not really matter. What matters is how you are holding onto the past and letting it hold you back in your recovery. I used to hang onto the past A LOT. I could not see the colors of my future or live in the present moment because I spent so much time living in the past. It caused my life to be stalled. I am working through that stuff in the past, and I have found that most of my issues around them have not centered on what others have done to me per se, but what I felt I had done or not done to contribute to the situation, especially the feelings of failure I felt and the lack of self-forgiveness I experienced. For example, I recently had a friend of eight years end our friendship. (She has a lot of problems, too, and is probably borderline or bipolar.) Over the course of that eight years, we both made a lot of mistakes. But I beat myself up every day for eight years for the ones I made and blamed myself for the ones she made. I thought, if only I had just worked harder at our friendship...if only I had done this...if only, if only, if only. At first, I was heart broken that she ended the friendship. Now, I see that it was the best thing, and it was something that I myself had wanted to do for so long but didn't have the courage to do so. Now, I have let that go. I have forgiven her and forgiven myself and find that I feel incredibly free to live my life without the chains of the past dragging me down. The point is, ask yourself this question: What can I do about the situation? Obviously, you can't go back and change the situation with your ex-wife. You can't change her either. The only thing you can do is control and/or change your reaction to her and the situation. Try forgiving yourself and her. It is in the past afterall. And you are married to a wonderful woman who loves you. By living in the past, you are not living in the present, enjoying each day that you have with your wife and looking toward the future. Finish session 8, or start the program over again. And slow down on the drinking as it appears to be making your anxiety worse. Remember, you are in control! Not your anxiety, not your ex-wife, and not the past! You are in control. Get back on the horse and ride into the sunset. You can do it! I believe in you!
Genie
I am the same way. I still hang on to the past which I know is stupid. If I was in your position I would have honestly done the same thing. I really don't drink that often except here and there on birthdays and holidays. I wouldn't keep worrying about sending your ex an email although Im sure that is all you can think about right now. Just distract yourself and I should probably be taking my own advice haha. Hope this helps a little
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Guest
Thank you for your kind words. I do obsess about the past alot. My mother, who I suspect was bipolar, did the same things when she was alive. I don't know how to stop though. I know that my job is stressful, always has been. I am miserable in the profession I've chosen, engineering, and always have been. I am miserable throughout most of the work day, every single day. The stresses take their toll and I end up beating myself up about the past and the present. I guess the one tape that I have had the hardest time with was the self-comfort tape. I don't do that very well at all. I know one thing though, I am very lucky and blessed to have my wife and my little boy. If I continue to live like this, it could jeopardize my relationship with both of them. I have to get control of my anxiety so that NEVER happens.
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Guest