My best friend needs intervention.

SongWriter · Post by **SongWriter** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:56 am

My best friend lives in another state. She is legally blind. She is going through a divorce. She has not family in this other state. She is drinking very heavily. I just learned that she is not eating as she should. She also is smoking again. This is dangerous since she has disease she was just diagnosed with which I won't bring up here. She really can't move back north because she has a government job. I don't know what to do. I am very close to her. I don't want to come on to heavy. But she needs help. I don't want to contact her family because that might be crossing the line. Any suggestions?
Thanks

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 2:05 am

Go see her for a few days.

Get her to talk, and if once talking to her, you feel this is not just a slump, you need to get her some help.

Sounds like she is going through hell, and even if she is upset with you in the short term, as a friend you probably need to get her family involved. You are not going to be able to support her fully on your own.

At this point, she won't have her job for long if she keeps up the destructive behaviour, so she should consider taking a leave of absence or resigning until she can get her health taken care of.

I have had to take a friend to a doctor before, and while they may say they don't want to go, they will be thanking you later.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 2:23 am

I don't mean to sound cold but I can't leave my state. I live in another part of the country and have a family and a job. I just can't do it. well of course I can if I have to. But you know what I mean.

My friend also has terrible OCD. She is seeking treatment.
Something has to be done.

epa · Post by **epa** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:37 am

It is very difficult to try and help someone with the type of help and support that she needs NOW from afar.

I would suggest your contacting a member of her family that is, perhaps, more readily available to go to her aid! As another poster said, she may not like it NOW, but hopefully she will thank you later.

Good luck!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:47 am

If I contact her family I might lose the only real friend I have. I don't know what to do... Maybe I should contact the soon to be X?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 6:46 am

Hi. Sorry if this sounds harsh. The question you asked has been offered good advice, and each piece of good advice you are refusing. You can contact a member of her family. That is the correct course of action. If you don't want to do that, and you cannot go there yourself, then you are about out of options.

purpleflower · Post by **purpleflower** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 6:57 am

Originally posted by pecos:
Hi. Sorry if this sounds harsh. The question you asked has been offered good advice, and each piece of good advice you are refusing. You can contact a member of her family. That is the correct course of action. If you don't want to do that, and you cannot go there yourself, then you are about out of options.

I'm weighing my options. Is that okay with you?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:05 am

You asked the questions. Several people offered some good advice. You found reasons none of these ideas would work. Sorry. But that gets frustrating, and you will stop getting replies from people. I think what you wanted more here was for people to listen, right? You are confused. If what you want is for us to just listen, we are happy to just listen and let you talk about the problem. That way we don't go into an advice offered, advice refused, cycle. The people in this community are really a lot of nice, compassionate people. They don't mean you any frustration.

PS: SeeBee is correct. In a divorce proceeding, this is major ammunition. If I were a social worker for a county public health office, and you asked me who to approach for intervention, family is the first choice. Interventions are a very private issue, they are difficult, emotions can run high, people are often at their wits end. You don't want anyone there who will take and use these vulnerabilities against your friend.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 8:01 am

I would not contact her soon to be ex! If he cared, he would still be with her! Plus, it will only give him ammo in divorce proceedings! Please contact a member of her family...FIRST!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 11:17 am

Wow, that's a tough boat. She sounds like she could use some help. This is just me talking- If she's drinking heavily, she may be doing it in an effort to "escape" or drown her sorrows.
I would feel obligated if I knew a loved one was suffering and didn't help, which I can see you're trying to do. It's rough to reach out to someone. They might get angry if you confront them, and they could shut you out. It's not pleasant to have someone approach you with an intervention. Chances are she knows what she's doing it wrong, but is justifying it and really doesn't want others to know (like what if her ex finds out; will he use it against her?)
I think I'd call and let her know you are concerned and want to help if you can't reach out to her family. I think in the end, she will appreciate it. It may be a hard road for her to look at herself in the mirror right now. But she'll have to want to change; you can't do that for her. I don't know- I'm trying to speak from experience, but I may be way off base.