I signed up for the course 3 years ago and then used the personal coach 2 years ago. My life is night and day from then to now. I posted the below in response to someones post during that time and saved it. I thought that it may help some of you who are going through the course. It can get better but it takes a conscious choice of you choosing "YOU".
I have been where you are at and I'm happy to say that I'm doing so much better. Although I do believe in meds, I don't believe it is a cure all and it doesn't change your thinking long term. What I did for myself is to sign up for the personally coaching who helped identify my very low self esteem. I worked on my self esteem and the messages I told myself and exercised. Gradually, I have more good days than the bad days. Here are things that I did that had an effect for me. Maybe some will help you or help you to find the path right for you.
- Stress Center Anxiety and Depression Course. Chapter 3 is a big help for me.
-Think about the way I want to be. Instead of concentrating on how I don't want to be emotional, I don't want to be dependent, I don't want....change it to I am stable and in charge of my feelings. I am independent.
-Be kind to yourself. You have thought, acted this way for years. It won't change overnight. Being aware is the first step and also difficult.
-I read What to say when you talk to yourself by Shad Helmstetter. I then wrote out positive affirmations on index cards and read them to myself twice a day for a couple of weeks.
-I bought 101 Power Thoughts by Louise Hays and turned that on and play it in the background.
-I watched The Secret
-Journal, journal, journal. Spend some time with yourself and just write. Use the workbook as guidance for topics to write. When you write something negative, finish it writing about it. And then restate it in the positive or see the other side of it.
-Realize that negative thoughts create more negative thoughts. You may not be able to change it to positive, but at least try and stop them. Put up a RED STOP SIGN. Listen to the sounds around you, breath, pick up a pen and feel it in your hands, bring yourself to the present moment.
-Allow yourself to "be". This is really hard for me because I get so mad at who I am. If I accept myself for who I am, including my anxiety and depression, it helps. You are doing the best that you can.
-In your journal write your good qualities. When I first did this, I could only write 3. next time, I had more.
-In your journal write down things you are grateful for. Anything is ok to write down, even if its trivial. This will help shift your thought from what you don't have to what you do have. This is good for stopping the negative thoughts to....shift the focus.
It does get easier. Weeks ago I would have cried when I was told that because I was in such a painful place. But it does get better. It just takes time.
- Be careful of the "shoulds". When I have a "should" in my sentence I stop and smile knowing that either it is someone else's should or I'm being hard on myself.
- Be careful starting sentences with "why". Why am I like this? Why do I do this? Why did I do that? The answers are often not supporting of yourself. However, you can reanswer the question....because this is how I've always done it. Now I'm trying to learn the skills to change it.