I use to have so much faith, and I didn't worry too much. I have a sense of my inner peace and strength and I freely let God handle all my troubles. After a turn of events in ones life I just don't feel that way anymore. I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve, worrying far too much then I need to. Depression has been my BFF for the last week due to a break-up. I cannot take it anymore and will do ANYTHING to get my trust and faith back into God. I am praying up a storm and I am telling him I am so sorry I lost my faith, I really want it back, I very badly want my inner peace back. I know it is all inside me but it buried under hurt and turmoil. I have so many emotions its ridiculous! I cannot seem to control them at times.
I always said that my faith defined me. Now I dont know what does. I love God soooooo much and I love being a catholic. I need spiritual healing all over again. I use to be much more confident then this. It is significant in my mind when I had the inner peace, I see a picture of myself laying in bed, reading a book, retaining all of it and enjoying it, having a natural high, being content with myself. Now I have to read one chapter 8 times and I may retain a few sentences, I am so consumed by life and not being happy, I just hate it.
I need me back, I need to get my faith back. I am still seeking my therapist and meds for my anxiety and depression. But more then anything, I am trying to seek God and his undying love for me that I know is there and I feel so horrible that at the current moment in my life, I do not feel it.
I want to be how I use to be...but better
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