Should I be up front with my boss about my anxiety and depression? I think I may have to, it has become very severe & has really been affecting everything lately, including my performance at work. For the past month I've been late everyday b/c it's so hard to get up in the morning (a couple days I didn't go in at all), I sometimes take long lunches, I'm distracted & sad so my relationships with my coworkers & general ability to do my job well are suffering... it's really getting difficult to make it through the work day.
I'm also new to the job, I've only been on staff for about 3 months & know I have a performance review coming up. I work at a social services agency, so people there tend to be a little more sensitive to these issues. My boss is great too, totally open-minded & so compassionate. My weekly therapist appointments make me tardy so I track them on my time sheet as "dr's appt"... When see asked how my doctor's appointment was one morning, I admitted that I was actually seeing a therapist, but decided to be more confidential on my time sheet, her reply was "it's ok, we're all family here." So based on that I think she would be understanding, but at the same time her understanding of how debilitating these disorders can be may lead her to believe I'm not currently capable of handling the position.
I've already lost so much due to this...friends, a social life, a general sense of well-being... I don't want to add my job to the list. Any advice? Is anyone working with their boss/supervisor to accomodate them?
Should I tell my boss?
If you like the job I would suggest you to be open to your boss. I did have the same problem last year and I wasn't open..resulted i quit the job...he just called me a couple of days ago asking me if I wanted to work with them again, he totally surprised me and at the same time I was flattered, so I decided to confess him about my problem...he was totally cool about it and actually more receptive to me...I could see that what he cared is that I did a good job...so I would suggest Go for it!! trust him/her and observe whatever happens, at least you feel honest with yourself and that's more important of what anybody think about you 
I read this from Carolyn: What people think about me, is none of my business:) how refreshing!!
I read this from Carolyn: What people think about me, is none of my business:) how refreshing!!It depends, I work in Health Care in the Computer Department and I am very gaurded about letting anyone know at work. People will treat you differently and if that's ok with you then you may be able to let people know. One thing you have to remember most people don't notice on the outsude how you feel on the inside, we just think they do.
I work in a male environment and I think that makes a big difference also. Women are much more excepting of this type of issue.
I work in a male environment and I think that makes a big difference also. Women are much more excepting of this type of issue.
I started a new job this past January 15th and on the 16th I had a long awaited appointment to find out about my anxiety and stuff, when I told our administrator and my boss that I needed time out on my 2nd day of work for this appointment, that is when I first heard of this program! my administrator actually had anxiety and depression too and got me started on here! I think you should be upfront about it, and you will be surprised at how compassionate people can be, you may find out that a lot of others you work with have the same issues, thereby opening up a support network for yourself.
Take Care and keep your chin up, You are worth it!
Stacey aka Bink
Take Care and keep your chin up, You are worth it!
Stacey aka Bink
For legal reasons to protect yourself too - you should tell your boss. First - it sounds like she will be understanding, so that is a good sign!
If you go in and tell her that you are seeking treatment for depression and anxiety - and you have documented doctor and therapist appointments (and your time cards slips) then if you should ever need to take leave time under the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) you have legal and justifiable grounds. Under the FMLA, you have a certain amount (I think it's 12 weeks, but don't quote me on that) of time that can be taken unpaid without jeopardizing your job. Of course there are restrictions (only companies with over a certain number of employees are required by law to adhere to the FMLA, etc. plus I'm not positive on the condtions and doctor note requirements), but I have worked for companies where we applied the FMLA time to the employee's medical appointments (ie - that gave them 12 weeks worth of time in a rolling calendar year to be out of work - as long as they provided the documentation each time without pay, but also without threat of losing their job).
Anyway - you might want to talk to your boss and ask if this is an option - if you are concerned about losing your job...or ask your HR department for more information on it.
Just a suggestion - hope this helps! Best wishes!
Dawn
If you go in and tell her that you are seeking treatment for depression and anxiety - and you have documented doctor and therapist appointments (and your time cards slips) then if you should ever need to take leave time under the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) you have legal and justifiable grounds. Under the FMLA, you have a certain amount (I think it's 12 weeks, but don't quote me on that) of time that can be taken unpaid without jeopardizing your job. Of course there are restrictions (only companies with over a certain number of employees are required by law to adhere to the FMLA, etc. plus I'm not positive on the condtions and doctor note requirements), but I have worked for companies where we applied the FMLA time to the employee's medical appointments (ie - that gave them 12 weeks worth of time in a rolling calendar year to be out of work - as long as they provided the documentation each time without pay, but also without threat of losing their job).
Anyway - you might want to talk to your boss and ask if this is an option - if you are concerned about losing your job...or ask your HR department for more information on it.
Just a suggestion - hope this helps! Best wishes!
Dawn
I really am so glad you asked this. I was going to reply to you last night, because I really do have some great advice, but I was too tired.
I am in quite a similar situation. 3 months ago I was hired by a company that my mom works for. However, my mom is the global director of my department, meaning that she is in charge of my department at every single global location the company has (All 50+ locations) So she is kind of a 'big shot' around my office building. She is MY shift manager's boss. I report to my shift manager, who is the nicest lady I've ever worked for. However, seeing that my mom is in such a high position, she worries constantly about her reputation and she feels a direct correlation between my actions and behavior and how people see her. As if anxiety & depression isn't enough to deal with, try adding THAT pressure on to your job! I do have severe anxiety mixed with light depression here and there. I've had panic attacks at work. I've missed A LOT of work. It started innocently enough. I would miss work due to my "ear infection" (also known as being so dizzy from anxiety that I could hardly walk) and my "bad cold" (a week where I could barely get out of bed due to the depression/anxiety) and then there was my "stomach ache" (a bad bout of irritable bowels) And not to mention, all the days I was and am late due to the fact that getting out of my bed and taking a shower is like pulling a teeth - it takes every ounce of energy in me.
Working is very, very hard for me, but I definitely do not give myself enough credit for doing it, no matter how much time I miss. And I am sure you don't either.
ANYWAYS, on with my situation. 3 weeks ago we had this closed door meeting. (I know, I'm sure those words alone just made your anxiety increase a bit) It was a tense meeting and my mom and HER boss were running it. My mom kept pressuring me about the meeting. The night before she called me and said, "Karilynn, you need to be 10 minutes early, you need to dress professionally, you need to have your thoughts in control, because this is a very important 2 hour meeting." Ok, now, as you can imagine, I was a MESS that entire night and then the next day before the meeting. I drove to work that day in a panic. I listened to my anxiety tapes, I tried the breathing, I had myself VERY worked up. We got to the meeting room, which was packed with 50+ people. The room was TINY and there were NO windows. It was also very hot in there. (Just typing this out makes me anxious, hehe) I ended up sitting next to my shift manager, Sheryl. I told her I was nervous and she kind of smiled at me, she had no idea HOW nervous I was. The meeting started and the door was left open, so I got this idea in my head that as long as the door stayed open, I was going to be okay. 2 minutes later someone closes the door and that's when the panic hit me. I am talking BAD panic. My heart was RACING, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I really had to RUN out of there... or I was sure that I was going to scream or die. I whispered to Sheryl that I felt sick, really sick, I needed to leave. She was absolutely fine with it and she came with me. When we got out in the hallway, I was bawling and I had my had up to my chest because I seriously thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest.
She looked at me and said, "Kari, my daughter has panic attacks, too." She knew what was going on. I told her all about my anxiety and the compassion she gave me was enough to break my heart. She was so nice about it. She told me that when I was at work, I was such a great worker. She told me that my mom and I only had one thing in common: our blood - and that no way did my actions represent her, as much as she thought they did. I was just so worried that my mom was going to be mad at me, and she said, "Who cares, you don't need to be at this meeting. That room is too small and there are too many people in there." I ended up going home, because of how frazzled I was, but my mom called me later that night and was very nice to me about the entire ordeal. I know Sheryl talked to her about how scared I was of upsetting her. She understands 110%.
Later that week Sheryl emailed me a name and a number of an anxiety specialist that her daughter is seeing. I am now currently seeing him and things are looking up for me.
The point is that people are more compassionate than you know. A lot of people suffer from anxiety, A LOT of people. A lot of people know someone who suffers, as well. It really doesn't have the stigma attached to it as it used to. Of course some people are definitely more understanding than others, but anxiety is not a disease and it's not contagious. It doesn't hurt to let your boss know. Tell her how you feel and how hard it is for you. Tell her that if need be, you may need to step away from your desk for a half hour or so to calm down here and there. Let her know what's going on! It ended up working out great for me. You aren't lazy and you aren't a bad worker, you're just dealing with something really hard and I know how you feel. It's very difficult. But you have to let people know. I've started telling more and more people. It's really not that big of a deal! And you will find that when more people know, the better you will feel around them. If something happens, a panic attack, or whatever it may be - who cares! They know and you know you can handle it.
Good luck!
I am in quite a similar situation. 3 months ago I was hired by a company that my mom works for. However, my mom is the global director of my department, meaning that she is in charge of my department at every single global location the company has (All 50+ locations) So she is kind of a 'big shot' around my office building. She is MY shift manager's boss. I report to my shift manager, who is the nicest lady I've ever worked for. However, seeing that my mom is in such a high position, she worries constantly about her reputation and she feels a direct correlation between my actions and behavior and how people see her. As if anxiety & depression isn't enough to deal with, try adding THAT pressure on to your job! I do have severe anxiety mixed with light depression here and there. I've had panic attacks at work. I've missed A LOT of work. It started innocently enough. I would miss work due to my "ear infection" (also known as being so dizzy from anxiety that I could hardly walk) and my "bad cold" (a week where I could barely get out of bed due to the depression/anxiety) and then there was my "stomach ache" (a bad bout of irritable bowels) And not to mention, all the days I was and am late due to the fact that getting out of my bed and taking a shower is like pulling a teeth - it takes every ounce of energy in me.
Working is very, very hard for me, but I definitely do not give myself enough credit for doing it, no matter how much time I miss. And I am sure you don't either.
ANYWAYS, on with my situation. 3 weeks ago we had this closed door meeting. (I know, I'm sure those words alone just made your anxiety increase a bit) It was a tense meeting and my mom and HER boss were running it. My mom kept pressuring me about the meeting. The night before she called me and said, "Karilynn, you need to be 10 minutes early, you need to dress professionally, you need to have your thoughts in control, because this is a very important 2 hour meeting." Ok, now, as you can imagine, I was a MESS that entire night and then the next day before the meeting. I drove to work that day in a panic. I listened to my anxiety tapes, I tried the breathing, I had myself VERY worked up. We got to the meeting room, which was packed with 50+ people. The room was TINY and there were NO windows. It was also very hot in there. (Just typing this out makes me anxious, hehe) I ended up sitting next to my shift manager, Sheryl. I told her I was nervous and she kind of smiled at me, she had no idea HOW nervous I was. The meeting started and the door was left open, so I got this idea in my head that as long as the door stayed open, I was going to be okay. 2 minutes later someone closes the door and that's when the panic hit me. I am talking BAD panic. My heart was RACING, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I really had to RUN out of there... or I was sure that I was going to scream or die. I whispered to Sheryl that I felt sick, really sick, I needed to leave. She was absolutely fine with it and she came with me. When we got out in the hallway, I was bawling and I had my had up to my chest because I seriously thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest.
She looked at me and said, "Kari, my daughter has panic attacks, too." She knew what was going on. I told her all about my anxiety and the compassion she gave me was enough to break my heart. She was so nice about it. She told me that when I was at work, I was such a great worker. She told me that my mom and I only had one thing in common: our blood - and that no way did my actions represent her, as much as she thought they did. I was just so worried that my mom was going to be mad at me, and she said, "Who cares, you don't need to be at this meeting. That room is too small and there are too many people in there." I ended up going home, because of how frazzled I was, but my mom called me later that night and was very nice to me about the entire ordeal. I know Sheryl talked to her about how scared I was of upsetting her. She understands 110%.
Later that week Sheryl emailed me a name and a number of an anxiety specialist that her daughter is seeing. I am now currently seeing him and things are looking up for me.
The point is that people are more compassionate than you know. A lot of people suffer from anxiety, A LOT of people. A lot of people know someone who suffers, as well. It really doesn't have the stigma attached to it as it used to. Of course some people are definitely more understanding than others, but anxiety is not a disease and it's not contagious. It doesn't hurt to let your boss know. Tell her how you feel and how hard it is for you. Tell her that if need be, you may need to step away from your desk for a half hour or so to calm down here and there. Let her know what's going on! It ended up working out great for me. You aren't lazy and you aren't a bad worker, you're just dealing with something really hard and I know how you feel. It's very difficult. But you have to let people know. I've started telling more and more people. It's really not that big of a deal! And you will find that when more people know, the better you will feel around them. If something happens, a panic attack, or whatever it may be - who cares! They know and you know you can handle it.
Good luck!
hugs&kisses,
Karilynn
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert
"How you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. And, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big test followed by one big lesson. In the end, it all comes down to one word: grace. It's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, darkness and the light."
Karilynn
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert
"How you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. And, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big test followed by one big lesson. In the end, it all comes down to one word: grace. It's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, darkness and the light."
I would advise anyone just to be careful. As compationate and understanding as people seem, giving them the knowledge that you have anxiety and depression could cause them to see you as weak and possible not give you the ability to achieve your full potential. I think that really depends on the nature of your industry though. In health care I would think their more understanding, I however am in Construction and I know giving up such information would be used to hold me back. Good Luck.
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Victorious
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 3:39 pm
I had to break down and tell my boss last month. In fact it got so bad that I'm currently taking a leave of absence. I noticed that it was getting increasingly difficult to concentrate at work and that I was not performing at my normal level. I told my boss and she was very understanding and very accomodating. I was able to switch my work schedule and was given the flexibility to come in late when I need to. If you think it will be handled well, then I think you should say something. You don't want this disorder to affect your job. All the best to you and God Bless.
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cuttingirl
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:51 am
phantomlimb- it sounds like you are in a safe, accepting environment willing to work with you while you work on yourself while excelling at your job. That is great. It sounds like the boss already knows and is understanding.
I've always been able to drag myself through work during horrible feeling, sensations, stress and anxiety. I know I'm a good, honest worker with a "handicap" of sorts that is fixable and workable. I hope you can achieve this level of coping! I know you must be feeling even more stressed since you're in that "probationary" period. When you feel good, do your job well and allow yourself room without taking advantage when you don't feel good. I suspect you're a great worker.
I'm in a slightly different boat- everyone at work knows. I had a huge panic attack at work in front of everyone and they called 911 and I was sent to the emergency department totally against my will (apparently no one there has seen or can recognize a panic attack). For at least a week, everyone kept asking me if I was ok, even those who weren't at work that day and it still crops up; I know people talk. It has been an embarassing nightmare. I work in the medical field in a high stress environment where personalities are large and tension runs high... not fun to be seen as weak, not in control, inadequate, incompetent. However, the people that matter at work are ok with me, so that's all that counts. I often have to remind myself of this!
I've always been able to drag myself through work during horrible feeling, sensations, stress and anxiety. I know I'm a good, honest worker with a "handicap" of sorts that is fixable and workable. I hope you can achieve this level of coping! I know you must be feeling even more stressed since you're in that "probationary" period. When you feel good, do your job well and allow yourself room without taking advantage when you don't feel good. I suspect you're a great worker.
I'm in a slightly different boat- everyone at work knows. I had a huge panic attack at work in front of everyone and they called 911 and I was sent to the emergency department totally against my will (apparently no one there has seen or can recognize a panic attack). For at least a week, everyone kept asking me if I was ok, even those who weren't at work that day and it still crops up; I know people talk. It has been an embarassing nightmare. I work in the medical field in a high stress environment where personalities are large and tension runs high... not fun to be seen as weak, not in control, inadequate, incompetent. However, the people that matter at work are ok with me, so that's all that counts. I often have to remind myself of this!
"I have lived a horrible life, none of which has actually happened"-Winston Churchill