life is good - and it's a long post!

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Fri Aug 20, 2010 12:48 pm

Well.......it's the beginning of my vacation !

Today was one of those self-fulfilling prophecy days. I said about 3 days ago that Friday was going to be one of those days because it was the last day of work before my vacation. Guess what........it happened. All day long I was in a good mood (with an underlying sense of nervousness). 1 hour before I was due to leave, all hell broke loose. Everyone needed everything. I was supposed to leave work at 3:30. I didn't get out of there until 5:00. One thing after another. It all ended with someone saying "leave us with your phone number in case we need things". I think that some people saw how angry I was getting. Some of them started to back off. Why can't people get their poop in a group earlier in the day instead of 3:29 ?

I walked out of there dizzy. I'm not joking ! The parking lot was moving. I had to sit in my truck for a few minutes before I started it. It sucks that when someone there goes on vacation, we'll have to do 1 week's worth of work in 4 days and another week's worth of work in 1 day. It's not right and it's not fair. So now I'm sitting here wondering if I screwed something up because it was all done in a big blur. This is no way to start a vacation.

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to speak without being interupted LOL.

Anyway.......vacation time.................

How was today for you ?

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:16 am

the moving parking lot was from your neck and shoulders being so tense. a dime to a dollar they wre kinked up past your ears. now throw in knotted too! been there!!!! a sad truth - you are normal - we are normal. people with NON-anxiety issues have the same sensations. it's almost sad we're semi-normal?

there are so many positives in your story! you were needed. you stayed and took care of business instead of saying it's time for me to leave. you LIVED to make it home to begin your VACATION.

where are you going on vacation? tell me everything!!!! i am that curious and nosy LOLOL

karma

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 4:25 am

Yeah yeah I know....I'm semi-normal. Once I get into this mood, it's a chore to get out of it. I did get a good night's sleep last night. The first good night's sleep in 3 or 4 nights.

Today I'm going to a friend's wedding anniversary. They've been married for......ummmmmm......20 - 25 years, I think......I guess I should know that. LOL. Maybe I'll even kick the DJ out of the booth and do some of my own. "Rock out ol' school". That always chases the blues away.

As for the vacation, I really hate to bore you, but I just want to stay home. The weather is going to be awesome - sunny everyday and in the low 80's and no humidity. I didn't even bother to make a to-do list. I think I want to soak up as many rays as I can at home. No schedule, no rules, no nothing.

I'm just waiting for work to call about something or another.......LOL Sorry - insecurities showing again. I may be posting here more than usual this week.

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 8:39 am

being home for a week can be so freeing to the soul. it rocked for me over spring break. i loved it. i did though have a list of things i wanted and needed to do. but i had such a good time doing it.

honey - i'd kick the dj to the curb and play ALL the old songs. also sing along. i'd be run off - but not for days and days - i can be that much fun! LOLOL

you're shaken from yesterday - again normal. if i starting thinking about yesterday and how i felt most of the day i'd go lie in traffic. i SO know how you're feeling!!!!

i went down the road with a friend to help her bring some stuff from her aunt's house - about a 40 or so minute drive to a cute little town. we have loud music going and talk and talk and talk. anyway it was lots of fun.

it's hot and humid here but nothing like last summer! i'm going to bet right now it's at least 10 degrees cooler. yayyyyyy

don't forget to party like a rock star tonight! but something tells me you don't have to be reminded LOL

karma

forever young 06 · Post by **forever young 06** » Sun Aug 22, 2010 9:49 am

manof music enjoy your week off. It is supposed to be cooler here next week so it would be nice to be off.

Karma you amaze me you are doing so good going places.I have got to start facing again. I am stuck any advice on getting past a stuck point. I have got out my tapes again and started listening to them again.what helped you get out and go.

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:01 pm

i read your post yesterday and have been pondering - don't you love that word? - the response to your question.

i guess it was just my time to start - everything. i was so tired of living yet not being alive.

even as i say those words i don't discount that i had a really good life. i was surrounded by friends and family - most very supportive. but i was so tired of waiting - always waiting - for a ride here or there, someone to go with me to the store. i'd be going places in the car with friends and see others driving alone and so want to be that person alone in a car - independent and free.

now i'm able to do so many things i wasn't able to do in just about forever. but remember - i'm still limited. don't think for a minute i can jump in the car and drive 40+ minutes down back country roads alone. i can't. but that's ok for now.

what i am able to do are things i so needed for my sense of self and self-esteem. i can go to the grocery store alone, the drug store alone, drive myself to and from work alone, visit some friends alone. i don't have to sit and wait anymore to get from point a to point b.

it's not been the easiest thing but it's been so very worth it. i don't have that helpless feeling anymore. i'm not totally independent and there are days the anxiety kicks in but that's fine too. i try so hard to remember to never ever take for granted the good days when i feel free.

please don't forget i take medication. that's something that has been very effective for me. but i had been on the medication for years before i started getting better, becoming more independent. so i guess what i did was just start - one baby step at a time.

karma

forever young 06 · Post by **forever young 06** » Tue Aug 24, 2010 12:12 am

karma I understand what you are saying you have come a long ways and still have some limitations which is okay. we tend to label things black or what all or nothing. you were never totally house bound were you and you could go out if others were with you. You see I totally withdrawed from my friends when this started developing I was ashamed and didn,t want them to know I wish now I had asked for their help but I don;t think anyone could have helped me I got so bad so fast and now I am thinking about this too much and am having anxeity about all day where as I didn;'t think about it and went on about my day

I hope to get to where you are some day and if I don t quit I will I have a tendency to do that and I can get better it is hard for me to realize I created this and I can do better with my positive self talk learn the steps to stop a panic attack stop listening to the tape and be a doer too thanks for your reply I love reading your accomplishments they are encouraging

manofmusic where are you get off the couch and get busy

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Tue Aug 24, 2010 7:35 am

I think I've gotten much lazier this week ! LOL Monday and today, I woke up, took a shower, plunked my butt in front of the TV and fell asleep ! I think my body is telling me to just relax. There are times where I can't keep my eyes open. Yesterday, I fell asleep for 4 hours and today I don't know how long I was out for. The door is open and I can hear birds and the bubbler rock going and I can hear people in the distance. I have the fan going beside me. I think that the hum of the fan is enough to send me into dreamland. I slept real good last night. I got 8 hours of good sleep. I think that maybe I should get up and get this body moving before it seizes up on me permanently LOL

Hope everyone is having a great day !

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 5:21 am

Thanks Mrs T Bones !

Life IS good !

.........I just need to be reminded of that every so often ! LOL

forever young 06 · Post by **forever young 06** » Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:30 am

karma where are you hope I didn't run you off. I love your posting so positive and funny.You have a way with words.you make us feel better and see you going about your days in a positive way is uplifting.

manofmusic how was your fist day back to work. hope it wasn't too stressful have a good week