Day 33 (If you knew the real me...)
I've been reflecting on some of the phone calls I've had at the call centre. Friday was a really great day for the phone calls. I had one lady say that I had a really great personality and it was really intresting that she mentioned this. I was so afraid that I was fake and if people actually knew the real me then they wouldn't like me. I was being the real me and alot of the people I talked to really enjoyed the conversations we had and my humor. I wasn't being fake this time, I was being me and I didn't get shunned or treated poorly...I just put myself out there and I felt great about it! I can't wait to feel this way again!
I decided to reward my efforts to socializum with buying myself a ps2. It was pretty cheap so I don't feel too bad for spending money. I get to play some of my ps2 games again yay!! Especially Final Fantasy X. That game is awesome. I remember as I was growing up I would play these types of games as a way to escape but at the same time I played them to experience that sense of connection. Seeing how the characters were there for each other and protected and fought for each other and for the greater good and It is almost like I'm one of these characters when I play the games. It might be artificial stimulation but none-the-less it was still giving me what I was longing for. Now when I play the games I can focus on the love in the context of humanity and helping to make a better world.
I'm kinda starting to lose sight of the tic marking. I'm trying hard at work but it's challenging because I want to do the best at work and sometimes I have to phone as quick as i can. The tic marking actually becomes a distraction. Perhaps I should just do the tic marking while i'm at home and maybe do a few negative thought replacements at work during my lunch break.
When I don't feel well rested it is almost as if today is yestaurday except with a short break in between. No wonder i felt so overwhelmed for the majority of the 14 years. I think i need to incorporate more naps into my week...maybe more meditation too. Especially today because i'm feeling extremely anxious about work tomorrow...on a level of 1-10 where 10 is panic attack...i'm at about 6-7 and I really don't like that.
Accomps;26 (0Tics, 1 social attempt)
Mike
NinjaFrodo's Tic Mark Journal
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Well, I think you're the bestI write something and then I think wow I'm the best...I'm not the best though and everybody has infinite potential to do amazing things!
. Seriously, I'm not flirting. I think we're all the best at something. And you're really good at a lot of what you do here--so, I kinda think you're the best person for the job. But as you mentioned, not always. I struggle with something like this myself. I see a thread -- I think I have something to say--but lately I've been coming to realize that I really do have to leave some things to the others. I had a counselor who told me this once: you have to learn to save some compassion for yourself.
Now, I'm not speaking specifically about anything as far as you go. I think this is my point:
You may want to save some of the energy you've been putting into the forums and put it into some of your other efforts.
Maybe it's ultimately helpful and interesting to keep track of what's going on with you in your journal--for a sense of consistency as you go for these new things (social attempts, balancing work, etc.). But maybe all the tic marking is too much on a daily basis (maybe once a week is good).
Or maybe you can try to limit some of the posting you do, since you don't like the way it's effecting you're ego. I don't know. . .
Well, but there's a lot more I could comment on. But, I am going to try to take some of my own advice, and save my energy for some of the other things I want to do.
As always, great reading--thanks for writing
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alright, so i finally have a minute to write more about this. there's so much good stuff here. . . .
it's awesome to see how work has helped you. and how you've made it work for you. this aspect of your journal has had an important impact on me--as i struggle with what the world of employment has to offer me (and have for several years). it's like having a friend on a roller coaster ride.
as far as other journals go, i'll try to start a thread: i'll try "journals for success" in the "triumphs" section. here's the link: <A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums? ... 8891056426" TARGET=_blank>journal thread</A>others can link to journals, there.
it's awesome to see how work has helped you. and how you've made it work for you. this aspect of your journal has had an important impact on me--as i struggle with what the world of employment has to offer me (and have for several years). it's like having a friend on a roller coaster ride.
as far as other journals go, i'll try to start a thread: i'll try "journals for success" in the "triumphs" section. here's the link: <A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums? ... 8891056426" TARGET=_blank>journal thread</A>others can link to journals, there.
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MC
You are right! I should limit my postings. I feel the best idea is to post when I feel I can do it coming from a place in which i'm focused on a brighter future for others. I'm going to work on not posting when I feel i need to boost my ego.
As for the Journals that is an excellent idea. There are so many people who want to see results and seeing other's journey is a great way to see this.
Mike
You are right! I should limit my postings. I feel the best idea is to post when I feel I can do it coming from a place in which i'm focused on a brighter future for others. I'm going to work on not posting when I feel i need to boost my ego.
As for the Journals that is an excellent idea. There are so many people who want to see results and seeing other's journey is a great way to see this.
Mike
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Day 34 (Will I be fired?)
Long day yet again. 12 hours working between both jobs...I can't take this much longer! I tried calling the restaurant today and changing the schedual so I can have either sataurday or sunday off. That wasn't going to happen though because nobody was willing to take either shift and I was told the only way to do it was to hire someone else and they'd have to take all my shifts but would keep me on-call just incase people got sick and they needed someone. That wouldn't bother me if I felt more comfortable at this new job but I'm not there yet. Neways, the lady in charge of the schedualling had said she could take the monday night shift off my hands and so I agreed and said we could talk about this again next week.
I'm working more and more on this faith thing...just faith in myself and faith in the spiritual being I believe in. It seems to be helping me out as I'm getting mroe and more recrutes than last week neways.
I had 1 person at the end of the day that I struggled really hard with. I wanted to recrute him for the focus group and I really did think that he qualified and so before i finished all the questioning I told him he qualified. Unfortunately I had overlooked a few things and things were getting frustrating for me and frustrating for the other guy and I got him in based on some gray area. After all that hard work and after the conversation ended...I found that he worked part time and he needed to be full time in order to qualify for the group...I just changed that on the page as I didn't want to call him and tell him he didn't qualify. He thought I was discriminating against him and I didn't want to try to approach that messy situation. I'm afraid that they may catch this and fire me for it...I'm sure I can still survive and find another job but it still concerns me a little.
Accomps;96 (7 tics, 64 social attempts)
Mike
Long day yet again. 12 hours working between both jobs...I can't take this much longer! I tried calling the restaurant today and changing the schedual so I can have either sataurday or sunday off. That wasn't going to happen though because nobody was willing to take either shift and I was told the only way to do it was to hire someone else and they'd have to take all my shifts but would keep me on-call just incase people got sick and they needed someone. That wouldn't bother me if I felt more comfortable at this new job but I'm not there yet. Neways, the lady in charge of the schedualling had said she could take the monday night shift off my hands and so I agreed and said we could talk about this again next week.
I'm working more and more on this faith thing...just faith in myself and faith in the spiritual being I believe in. It seems to be helping me out as I'm getting mroe and more recrutes than last week neways.
I had 1 person at the end of the day that I struggled really hard with. I wanted to recrute him for the focus group and I really did think that he qualified and so before i finished all the questioning I told him he qualified. Unfortunately I had overlooked a few things and things were getting frustrating for me and frustrating for the other guy and I got him in based on some gray area. After all that hard work and after the conversation ended...I found that he worked part time and he needed to be full time in order to qualify for the group...I just changed that on the page as I didn't want to call him and tell him he didn't qualify. He thought I was discriminating against him and I didn't want to try to approach that messy situation. I'm afraid that they may catch this and fire me for it...I'm sure I can still survive and find another job but it still concerns me a little.
Accomps;96 (7 tics, 64 social attempts)
Mike
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Day 35 (Risking for a brighter future)
As I continue to do the wayne dyer meditation every morning I'm feeling more accepting of the efforts I put into things and faith in things working out. I've realized that this is what I need right now especially at this new job. I cannot find recrutes for the focus groups on my own...Things just have to fall in place and I believe the universe gives you what is truely in your heart. In my past i was constantly telling myself that it wouldn't work out...this is with anything from socializing to shiatsu treatments to these focus groups. When I was really passionate that it wouldn't work out then it actually didn't work out and I'm finding the opposite to be true. When I truely believe that it will work out then it actually comes. When i first started at this new job I was about 80% sure that it wouldn't work and I might have gotten 1 person maybe even 2 but it took alot of time. Since last thursday I've had more faith in me being able to get these people for the focus groups and I got 4 people on thursday, 8 on friday, 4 yestaurday and 6 today. In fact I actually nailed the first 3 people today in the first hour despite the tough quotas. The universe gave me this and guided me to the correct people that I needed to call and my part I faced my limitations. I feel greatful and proud.
I didn't get fired today by the way. They had found a diffrent problem which was less serious and sent me back the screener and said to asked a certain question again. I'm really greatful that this happened but was a little nervous to call him back. I called him back and I appologized and said that I did overlook something and let him know that he didn't qualify and he didn't get all mad with me but was a little dissapointed and asked if there was anything else that he might qualify for. I was working on another screener but he had to be with a certain bank and he wasn't so I let him know that he could call me back next week to see if we have another group that he may qualify for.
After a few hours at work and getting many recrutes and being put on harder groups and still getting people, I decided that yes I can do this job and I decided to take a risk. I called the person who makes the scheduals at the restaurant and I told her she can go ahead and hire someone to take my spot and have me on-call. It just felt so right to do this and I'm really excited that I'll be having my weekends off. I can take some time for myself to relax and I can visit people as well. This is going to be the beginning of my new life!
Accomps;65 (2tics, 47 attempts to overcome social limitation)
Mike
As I continue to do the wayne dyer meditation every morning I'm feeling more accepting of the efforts I put into things and faith in things working out. I've realized that this is what I need right now especially at this new job. I cannot find recrutes for the focus groups on my own...Things just have to fall in place and I believe the universe gives you what is truely in your heart. In my past i was constantly telling myself that it wouldn't work out...this is with anything from socializing to shiatsu treatments to these focus groups. When I was really passionate that it wouldn't work out then it actually didn't work out and I'm finding the opposite to be true. When I truely believe that it will work out then it actually comes. When i first started at this new job I was about 80% sure that it wouldn't work and I might have gotten 1 person maybe even 2 but it took alot of time. Since last thursday I've had more faith in me being able to get these people for the focus groups and I got 4 people on thursday, 8 on friday, 4 yestaurday and 6 today. In fact I actually nailed the first 3 people today in the first hour despite the tough quotas. The universe gave me this and guided me to the correct people that I needed to call and my part I faced my limitations. I feel greatful and proud.
I didn't get fired today by the way. They had found a diffrent problem which was less serious and sent me back the screener and said to asked a certain question again. I'm really greatful that this happened but was a little nervous to call him back. I called him back and I appologized and said that I did overlook something and let him know that he didn't qualify and he didn't get all mad with me but was a little dissapointed and asked if there was anything else that he might qualify for. I was working on another screener but he had to be with a certain bank and he wasn't so I let him know that he could call me back next week to see if we have another group that he may qualify for.
After a few hours at work and getting many recrutes and being put on harder groups and still getting people, I decided that yes I can do this job and I decided to take a risk. I called the person who makes the scheduals at the restaurant and I told her she can go ahead and hire someone to take my spot and have me on-call. It just felt so right to do this and I'm really excited that I'll be having my weekends off. I can take some time for myself to relax and I can visit people as well. This is going to be the beginning of my new life!
Accomps;65 (2tics, 47 attempts to overcome social limitation)
Mike
Last edited by NinjaFrodo on Fri Dec 19, 2008 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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