Lucinda is dead wrong on this...

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 3:29 pm

McGrace had some really good input. We can't expect to continue the same old habits and expect a different outcome. We have to introduce new thinking habits and new behaviors, baby steps, to recover.

I'm still not working, but hoping to in early 2009. I've still got one problem which I don't know how to overcome, but it's very personal and it causes me a lot of shame. I can't discuss it on this forum.

I was having problems with energy, just no energy and discounted it to negative thinking but I had a blood test done, nevertheless, and I got news today that I have very low B12 in my system. So, more than likely, that explains the reason for no energy. Time will tell.

For whatever reason, probably unmet needs in childhood, I have always had a strong tendency to associate sex with love and this is typical for those who have been emotionally, physically, or sexually abused. Some find comfort in sex, others alcohol or drugs, others food to make them feel loved and valued. But it is not lasting and can produce an addiction cycle.

I don't say this to scare you but throw it out for consideration. Your obsession with beautiful women may be that your desires for love, intimacy, and value were not met as a child and you may think that having a romantic relationship with a beautiful woman would give you those things your heart desires, if that makes sense. I thought this also as a young adult and I dated a number of very attractive females. One of them is now my wife. But, the love needs weren't solved. I still have them and I've not sure how to meet them. Working would help me alot and I hope to start that very soon. Some of this is simply a lack of self esteem, being dependent, I think and not working. But we all have a legitimate need to be loved and accepted by others. Independence is good, but so is interdependency. I literally thought that having a relationship with a woman would solve the incompleteness that I felt. But I was wrong. Self esteem and self worth do not come from external sources, they must come from ourselves. Something to think about.

In regards to meds, I was on anti-anxiety meds for 27 years but have been totally off of them now for 5 years. My anti-depressant dosage over the years, 32 and counting, has averaged between 175 to 300mg daily. But since working with the program and beginning exercise, since 2001, I'm now down to only 26mg of meds daily and still hoping to be med free one day. Good luck with the homework.

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 4:04 pm

I don't know where my obsession with beautiful women comes from, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere soon. I'm sick of my brain arguing over itself. I'm also sick of taking medication, but that doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon. I can't remember what it's like to wake up with energy.

I don't know about interdependency, especially now that I've broken things off with my girlfriend. I'm trying hard not to beat myself up about it, but there are/were just too many things wrong with the relationship. I mean, how I am supposed to gain any sort of independence when she still lives with her parents? That's her choice and if it works for them, fine, but I got sick of hearing her phone her mother when she was driving home, etc. I mean, get it together.

I hope that doesn't make me sound selfish, but I don't know anyone else who would put up with that at 38.

KRISTEN · Post by **KRISTEN** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:01 pm

I disagree too! Self esteem in a child is EXTREMLY important!

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:14 am

doogiet,
glad you had such a productive, happy even, day when you found your StressCenter.com book and did some of the work. i'm glad writing things down on paper helped, too.
the positivity came through in your post. it was also great insight you had about your habits and new goals.
i look forward to reading about more of your accomplishments. . . . try not to overanalyze those things that give you trouble--such as fantasy--the insight that you need about that will come in time.

Ariyon · Post by **Ariyon** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 10:23 am

Shelle Rose Charvet who wrote "Words That Change Minds" talks about this subject in detail. She believes that encouraging a child and emphasizing their capacity for learning, achievement and growth sets up the healthiest pattern. If a child is raised to believe that they are great at everything they'll have a meltdown when they meet their first academic and life challenges (I'm a teacher and I've seen this in my own students.) When they learn they're not #1 at everything they decide not to pursue a challenging subject any further.

I believe it's best to emphasize the child's amazing ability to learn and grow.