I know this sounds crazy

[Guest]

Hi Alicia1003 ,
I want to address my first post to you. I suffer with exactly the same thoughts like you and even much frightful. My OSD is so intrusive sometimes, that I think that I can't cope with nothing. I'll share with you some of my thoughts and hope that will bring a little
calm in your mind. I'm a new mother and when I nurse my baby I say things like: "I wish you would choke", "I hate you" or "I'll going to kill you" and "I'll wish you to die". And the awful thing is that I insult him with nasty words. Not only him, also my husband and my mother. Sometimes when I speak with somebody I say to me "Kil him/her", just like you.
And it's like broken record, it repeated in my mind time after time. It's so terrible to think those thougts against people you loved. Before I was diagnosed with OSD I thought that I have some serious mental illness like schizophrenia or split of personality.
Now I start to understand a little the nature of OSD. Everything make sense to me.
Before I get my first panic attack I use to be very sensitive, loving and quiet person(I'm sure you're too). I was very correct and honest with people. I think that OSD is totally opposed to real us. That's why it scares us so much. When you have an OSD atack it's so hard to think rationally but please try to look the truth in the eyes and understand that these thoughts are not you, they're just an anxiety off shot. And no matter how scary they are and how loud they shoot, please don't pay any attention to them. It's sounds very hard to do, but it works..at least for me. Deep inside you know that you're not bad person and you're not going to kill or hurt anyone.And one more thing- I understand where my scary thoughts come from...Before my suffering I use to watch only thriller and horror movies. And was reading that genre too. Obviously I was overloaded my sub consciousness to much.

I saw that your toppic is from the last year. I hope that you're fine now but if you still suferring just don't lose courage. The healing it's not about fighting it's about understanding, accepting and forgetting.
Please believe in yourself and trust to your heart! You're wonderful person with a very tired and worried mind.

Have a sunny and peaceful day guys!!!