I am usually very good at discovering the source of the depression. For most of the day at work, I could pinpoint what occurred to start off the depression. The symptoms were my usual suspects: feel down and sad, lack of energy or desire for enjoyed activities, and very brief confusion.
I later in the afternoon began to summarize the source of depression was my first "speed-bump" yesterday at the new job. My trainer gave me an "Unacceptable" label for incompleting assignments, citing three which I didn't do. I sat down with my manager, who got the trainer's report along with my manager's director. I closed my manager's door and told him I was p***ed! I copped to the wo out of three assignments I didn't complete. (I am juggling training while doing my actual job activities at the same time. So one or two things are bound to slip.) The assignment I did complete I had fax confirmation sheets proving it was completed.
This is the second time where this instructor gave a report on me detailing incomplete assignments which were actually finished. When I emailed him a screen shot of the completed uncompleted assignments, he never reply. The issue wasn't settled until our next tele-class when I brought it up. He said the training system was probably refreshed/showed my completed activities after he sent out a report. I didn't get an apology from him for this instance before Thanksgiving, and I sure didn't get one yesterday even though I expressed my concern about this being another occurrence where it appears I didn't finish the work when actually I did. In his email reply, he never addressed my concern.
I had smoke coming out of my ears in my manager's office, and my Italian was out at PG-13 rating
. I told him I take pride in my work. I have always felt this way. And if someone says I didn't do my work, they better have proof. If they're correct like he was with 2 out of 3 assignments, I'll man up, apologize, and complete them ASAP. But if you say I didn't do something, in 2 back-to-back occurrences no less, and I have proof I did it--I'm going to be all over you like white on rice!My manager made some content suggestion for my reply email. He dissuaded my from using "I don't appreciate back-to-back incorrect labelling of my work."
The depression came forth from this in two ways. I had been happy and steady for six weeks and then I get labelled Unacceptable in a report that goes to my two immediate bosses.
The other source that depression came forth from is that I--once again--cannot answer the way I want to and the way the situation warrants it--with condescending, abrasive sarcasm. A first sentence containing the words represented by WTF, for me, is a great opening line when dealing with stupidity and incompetencies.
