The Challenge...Lesson 9

[NinjaFrodo]

Great music vid! I'm never going to surrender no matter what!

Never surrender by Corey Hart


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

this one I can relate to more I think.

Never Surrender by SKillet

"do you know what its like when, you're not who you want to be, do you know what its like to be your own worst enemy?


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
Oh it was very important for both gram & dad.I am so lucky to have my dad still around. He helps me when I'm about ready to fall apart I go see him. he always says something so simple but he just knows me so well. He always tells me to live each day. Yea can't worry about tomorrow nor change the past. ( he never did the program!)

I have brought up forgiveness to her and try to say healing words when in a short conversation she will say things like I don't remember that, or what was I thinking. I don't know where my mind is half the time.
So I learned in Lucindas tape, like when she went back to her ex and had the forgiveness conversation. It was for HER. I too have done that with my mother. She really don't get it though. But that is alright.

One thing I thought of is, when a parent passes, its over.( In a way) You can wrap your mind around many ideas. But when they are still living and you are being challenged still, you have to go about things differently. Being assertive helps, having self confidence does as well. And in reality, I only lived at home 21 22 years and have been on my own 30 31 years! So its up to me how much time I want to re-live the past. That is how I came to think anyhow! LOL...

the only way to get the best out of life after something so tramatic is to go through the pain, work through it and then be free from it.

I like this Mike. I have to add though sometimes when I have worked though it I can not "Fix" something that does not effect me personally.
The sad thing for my mom is just like you said when you don't work though it your whole existence is just about coping! I choose not to have that be for my life, I want to be excited about trying new things and having a peaceful life. I want this for others too. I think I must be a example. That is the best thing I can do. Be the best me I can.

Thank you for listening to me work though this as it does pop up from time to time.

I think its great about you writing your book!
Good tunes too!

[mcshope]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...2duk&feature=related

Karen,

I found this video that could be useful to you.

Hope

[NinjaFrodo]

I'm only human, born to make mistakes!

Human by The Human League


Mike

[Paisleegreen]

Mike--Yes, the experience of me having to put my nose touching the gum that was on the blackboard in front of the class was the same time period a and by the same teacher. The girl that could laugh wasn't embarrassed due to being outside in a P.E. class with all girl classmates. Where we were having fun anyway, my experience was in front of both boys and girls in a quiet classroom.

I normally was an obedient child and having gum in my mouth at the time was something I forgot to get rid of when I had been outside for recess or something. She was just a mean teacher.

The Principal that had the heart attack was probably under stress in the first place before he was brought to court. He really should have known better than to be touching girls age 10 and 11 years old. I got after him for shaming my Daughter for riding her bike across the black top, instead of walking it.

He did this in front of her class and touched her forehead with his finger to tell her to "think". It was uncalled for using his "power" that way. So that is why I wrote him and told him that my daughter is quite obedient and sensitive and didn't need that reprimanding in front of her peers. As there already is a consequence for riding the bike across the black top to the bike cage, by other means.

This is just a small scale incident, but it is just like the type my 15 1/2 year old son got from the Vo-Tech school's Vice Principal. But more of greater intensity, unfairness and embarrassment.

It is all different forms of "bullying" that society needs to become aware of and prevent or be sensitive to. And as we all know, many people in this world are sensitive and creative, just like what Lucinda says on her CDs.

[Paisleegreen]

THH--I'm so glad that your father and Grandmother were there and/or are there to help you with your pain. Dads sure can help to make things better and Grandmothers, too. Although, I didn't live close to my Grandmother, and I didn't have too many problems as a kid anyway. I think it was my eldest sister that helped me muddle through, as she was more like a Mother to me. So kind and caring...she was 12 years old then me, and then got married early at 19, so I was an Aunt at 8 years old and started to babysit. It was so pleasant to stay at her peaceful and orderly home than mine.

She was a stay at home Mom where, my mother worked and was under stress. This sister once told me that you aren't suppose to yell at your children. Whoa, that was news to me, I didn't know that that wasn't an acceptable way of raising children. I knew my Dad didn't yell, but my mother did! LOL!

My life wasn't too bad, but did have the neer ending list of chores to do on Saturday and we could never watch cartoons on Saturday either, unless we got up early and was done at 9:00AM

I guess that isn't a bad way to be raised, but it seemed that way to us when all our friends could watch cartoons after school or on Saturday. Now a days, there is too much "junk" on TV for kids to be sitting around watching all day long.

My parents were just teaching us how to be responsible and help out. And I did learn to be responsible, so that is okay.

[NinjaFrodo]

THH;

Its really intresting how people who haven't done the program can follow it so well eh? I always found that pretty fascinating and its great you have that.

Ah ok you have talked about forgiveness, I didn't know that and i'm sorry for assuming. Your right its not fair to relive your past and feel crappy for it.

Unfortunately we can't fix things of other people and I have a really hard time with that. I guess I just get stuck focusing on how they must feel and I dwell on that. I feel that if I don't do that then it'll show that I don't care about them or what they're feeling. What are your thoughts on that one?

I agree we influence people by how we live. We allow things to change on their own and trying to control doesn't work.

No worries, anytime.

Thank you. Its very much needed!

The tunes are pretty good. They are all over the place now, depending on how I'm feeling!


Mike

[Paisleegreen]

To All interested in child abuse of different levels-- Dr Phil will be showing video from a Mother who does over the top, disciplining of her child.

I learned from some books by Psychologists that just washing your kid's mouth out with soap was "abusive". I never did that, have known some Moms that have years ago.

Mike--Also, I tried to link it, but lost it. About Dave Pelzer----author of 7 books---one called "A Child Called It" "The Lost Boy" and other books telling his story of abuse from an alcoholic mother. Sad thing was his father was a fireman and couldn't "rescue" him.

[THH]

Mike,

Don't feel sorry about assuming. I was not very clear, I just was realizing that I handled my mom by me forgiving her, when she really don't know all the things I forgive her for! Thats a tongue twister!
I really do it more for myself, because I have excepted her the way she is. I try to look at all the good things and dwell on them. I at times, like when something pops up, it triggers something to send me thinking in the past, and if I'm not careful I can bring those old thoughts to the surface and make myself feel bad.

Other people, is a tuffy. I think we like to help so much we get absorbed in other peoples problems and maybe we have been down that road ourselves. So we want to help, and really have not been asked to help. I have assumed that someone was asking me what to do when really they just want to talk to someone about it. I think for me practicing to be a good listener has helped me recognize when someone is really asking. If they do I can express my views but if they don't ask, I have to keep quiet.

In my mothers case, have thought of it like this. We each have our lives, we make choices, we be responsible, we grow and learn. It is our responsibility to take care of our selves the best we can. I can not feel as if I want to change someone, even though I feel sorry for them or their situation. I can offer to help in the form of suggestions, other choices or by helping do physical things, but clearly each person must find their own path.
Its nice when we are on a similar path as we can talk as we all do on here, but so many times I have found not everyone is really looking for life changing things. And thats alright too. It is not my job to push them to look deeper.
Have you ever heard the old saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink!" That is a very true statement!
I still like the tunes, and variety is the spice of life.
Your doing good, Mike!