One More Step

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Tue Jun 01, 2010 6:53 pm

Samcat - That's good advice about writing down the anticipatory thoughts and solution. I'll have to try that. I know that writing things down, even when you've been thinking about them for a long time, can really make a dramatic difference. I guess it puts the ideas in a more concrete form. Also, glad to hear Samantha is feeling better. I hope things continue to improve.

HotRod -

So sorry to hear you were ill. My guess is that unconscious only counts as relaxed if you feel better when you wake up, LOL! BTW, thanks for the kudos regarding the goals and experiences I've shared and thanks for the great advice about facing my fears head on. Glad you finally did get some relaxation. Keep us posted on how your relaxation training goes. And just for the record, I'm male - I know the both my screen name and real name are a bit ambiguous and no offense was taken. So I'll take you're "you go, girl" and use the good positive vibes anyway!

Jamie

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:06 pm

It turns out I had a pretty good Monday (I know it's really Tuesday, but the real Monday was a holiday so it doesn't count this time). Well, for me it was an excellent Monday. I got up on time, got to work on time, stayed for nine hours, and drove on the freeway all the way home. It doesn't get much better than that for me.

I had some anxiety on the drive in and a few bouts during the day but I kept up with my positive self talk and got myself through it. I also tried to keep busy and my mind distracted. It seems if I can keep my mind from wandering, and it always wants to wander to the "dark side", I do pretty well.

I often miss part or all of Mondays at work. There my toughest day. I'm not entirely sure why other than it is the change from the weekend to the weekday and as we all know, being creatures of habit WE HATE CHANGE!

Now I just need to keep this schedule up for the rest of the week. This is the tough part for me: consistency. I have been averaging about 32 hours per week and I really need to get them up to 35 to 40. That way I can go back from part-time to full-time again, which is one of my major life goals. I've come such a long way from last year and I'm so close I can taste it. I just have to keep pushing, pushing, pushing and not look back. I know there will be setbacks along the way as there have been in the past, but I also know that I'm ready to move on.

Let's go get 'em,
Jamie

samcat · Post by **samcat** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:30 am

Jamie,

You are doing great. Just keep at it. You are almost there and you can do it!! Doesn't it feel great to be making some real progress?

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:53 am

Today didn't work out so well. I woke up moderately anxious but just kept getting ready for work. I drove about halfway and things started getting a bit worse so I pulled over to regroup. Ultimately, I did make it to my office, but I didn't go inside. I stayed for about ten minutes in the parking garage and then decided to retreat. I've been home since.

Instead of beating myself up, I'm just going to look at the positives:

1) I left the house even though I was anxious and worried.

2)I pushed myself to go farther than I wanted or thought I could.

3) I made it all the way to the office even though I was fighting my anxiety the whole way.

4) I let myself feel the anxiety for a while before I left.

5) I proved to myself again that it's OK to be nervous and it doesn't hurt me.

6) I get to try again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. I will keep trying and this is going to get easier each time.

Jamie

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:57 am

SamCat -

Thanks for all the positive encouragement. I'm really trying to keep a positive outlook on things and let the negative thoughts go. At first I might think that things are too hard and I'm never going to have a normal life. But that won't get me anywhere. You're right. I need to constantly remind myself where I came from. It was only a year ago that I could barely leave my house even with a safe person with me. Now I'm driving to work on my own. Not every day is going to be a great day but there will always be great things about it!

Jamie

Hot Rod · Post by **Hot Rod** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 1:09 pm

Jamie,

EXACTLY! You have exactly the right perspective on this. That you do shows me how strong you are. Sometimes, it isn't about who won the fight but who got up, shook themselves off, and said, "Ready for round two" When I start thinking those fatalistic thoughts (I'll never have a normal life) it always helps me to look at how far I've come.

You know, I should know better than to assume that Jamie = female when I'm married to a man named Tracy. Sheesh, please forgive my asinine assumption. And thank you for taking the kudos in the manner in which they were intended.

I am freeway phobic myself and one thing I really need to do is start setting some practice sessions up. Do I smell a new goal? lol

I relaxed/napped again this afternoon and feel much better for it. So, it counts!

You know, I have a kind of masculine monniker on here and several people mistook me for male before I put my pic up... see? I shoulda known better. lol

Can't wait to hear how you did tomorrow with the freeway. I'm betting you will kick some asphalt! Hey, a pun worthy of ManofMusic! lol

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 1:41 pm

HotRod -

No harm done. It's something that's happened all my life. My favorite time is when Victoria's Secret sent me a coupon in the mail for a pair of free underwear. The kicker was the coupon said they would be the most comfortable panties I've ever worn! They'd also be the first, LOL!

Well, I couldn't let such an opportunity slide, so (this was when I was in school) I got some of my college buddies and we went to go collect my free panties. We had quite a bit of fun with the salespeople. Sadly, I let one of the girls with me take my prize, so I never got to find out if they were truly the most comfortable panties ever. Such a shame!

Now back to you - glad to hear you got some rest and are feeling better. That makes such a huge difference for me and how I well I operate during the day.

As for the freeway, I'm working on it too. I try going for short sections at a time and work up to longer drives. Same routine...practice, practice, practice. BTW, I love your pun and ManOfMusic will surely get a kick out of it.

The irony of my freeway adventures is that my job is to monitor costs on expansion of the very freeway I have to use to get to work. Perhaps I can suggest they add some phobic rest stops along the way...

Jamie

samcat · Post by **samcat** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:59 pm

Hey Jamie,

I'm the one who thought Hot Rod was a man. That was before she posted her picture and we could see what a good looking woman she is.) I still say you are doing great. So you had a setback. This crap is like a war. So what if we get a little beaten up in one battle? We are going to win the war eventually. You have the right attitude and perseverence and that is a great combination.

Good news on Samantha--this is the first day in 10 days that she has acted like a normal cat!! My husband and I are so relieved. We have her for a while longer. Whew!!

I love your panties story. It is hilarious. And it is VERY ironic about the freeway. Man of Music is right--life is stranger than fiction.

Take care, Carleen

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:50 pm

Carleen -

It get's a bit confusing on this site when most people are using ambiguous screen names. Usually I have to read a few posts from people before I have a good idea if they button their shirts from the right or from the left. And even then you can't be entirely sure. If you make a mistake, so be it. I think most folks are pretty understanding.

Thanks for the encouragement. I know that this condition can be overcome and I believe I have the will and the tools to do it. So now I just need to keep on putting things into action. That's why I started this thread. I wanted a way for me and others to set goals and follow through even if we don't make the goal we set. No more complaining for me, it's action time!

So happy to hear about Samantha. What an amazing turn around. Enjoy all the extra time you can get with her.

Glad you liked my panties story. It's one of my favorites.

Jamie

karenLeigh · Post by **karenLeigh** » Thu Jun 03, 2010 1:25 am

I just wanted to say...I really like everyone's post. Reading them has helped me alot. I guess I forgot how great this community really is.
Searunner...I hope you don't mind me asking this.....Is your Boss real flexible with the way you work??
Why I ask..is because...I would like to go back to work but I feel that the anxiety might keep me out and I would get fired.
I guess I'm "what if'ing" again. At least I figured that out