Support circle for depression
i deal with a healthy dose of anxiety and depression. i think the first undoubtedly contributes to the second but i am just generally a negative thinker due in part to my perfectionist nature. been that way my whole life but it didn't lead to anxiety/depression probably til i was 17-18 yrs old. a few bumps along the ride after that have made it even tougher. now i'm 34 and it's been tough for probably last 10 years. tried this program before and couldn't get through it. trying again. hardest part is rallying yourself. if i had someone standing next to me all the time urging me and pushing me on it would probably help out a lot. that's why i'm here. about to start week 2. but first week was tough. felt very overwhelmed by feelings that i've been able to bury for a while. has anyone else felt that way. you get used to burying your emotions and feelings and even though it's numbing and drags you down- it's hard to face the real music when you start the program. really hard.
Hi Pat. Well, you now have some friends who are going to stand there beside you and urge you, and encourage you, and offer support when they don't know what else to say. If you need individual support, you can PM me, or anyone else here. I know I am progressing. I believe you will, also. When the going gets tough, sign on this community where the open sign is always out. I know this is hard for you. I've been at the bottom of this depression well, and it is a lonely painful place. Take care my friend, Pecos
Hi Pat15,
You are feeling what we all feel when we start the program. We have a problem mainly because we stuff these negative feelings way down where WE can't even reach them! When you start the program basically you are thinking about anxiety and depression all the time, because you're working on it. That in turn, starts those stuffed feelings to become unsettled, and it makes our lives feel more uncomfortable. I guess you could say we have to feel worse before we will feel better!
It was a month after I finished the program that I had a bad day, and all of a sudden I got a thought and instantly realized I have felt like a burden to everyone I've loved. My Mother, Father, first husband, and present husband! I cried and cried. It was an enormous breakthrough for me. I unloaded a very heavy burden when I realized even as a very little girl I felt I had to be perfect so I wouldn't "bother" anyone! The breakthrough wouldn't have happened except I decided when I started the program I had to do it all and feel the pain. I asked my family to leave me alone to listen to CD's and study. I committed myself to getting better because I was sick and tired of feeling so awful. I am 62 so I have been carrying those feelings stuffed way down inside for over 55 years! I found instead, my panic attacks virtually went away after Lesson 2 and I did have to think about my bad feelings, but I didn't have the burden of the terrible panic coming over me any more!
If you want to get big benefits, sometimes it is painful. I am fortunate, to have a psychologist who I could talk to about the program and what I was doing.
I know there is another thing I have stuffed inside. I don't know what it is, but I hope I can excavate it. If I can, I may be "almost" normal! lol
Pat15, make a promise to yourself to do your very best with the program and don't fear what you will find. When you find something it's a real AHA moment, and you will feel like a new person! I found my muscles weren't so tight, my attitude was more positive, and I have a lot more hope for the future.
I wish you all the best at getting those rotten feelings out in the open! You will feel so much better! The process is a little painful, but anything worthwhile is - right? The support group will be here for you if you need us. You may find you can give help and understanding to others in this group.
Good Luck and Blessings,
Jackie
You are feeling what we all feel when we start the program. We have a problem mainly because we stuff these negative feelings way down where WE can't even reach them! When you start the program basically you are thinking about anxiety and depression all the time, because you're working on it. That in turn, starts those stuffed feelings to become unsettled, and it makes our lives feel more uncomfortable. I guess you could say we have to feel worse before we will feel better!
It was a month after I finished the program that I had a bad day, and all of a sudden I got a thought and instantly realized I have felt like a burden to everyone I've loved. My Mother, Father, first husband, and present husband! I cried and cried. It was an enormous breakthrough for me. I unloaded a very heavy burden when I realized even as a very little girl I felt I had to be perfect so I wouldn't "bother" anyone! The breakthrough wouldn't have happened except I decided when I started the program I had to do it all and feel the pain. I asked my family to leave me alone to listen to CD's and study. I committed myself to getting better because I was sick and tired of feeling so awful. I am 62 so I have been carrying those feelings stuffed way down inside for over 55 years! I found instead, my panic attacks virtually went away after Lesson 2 and I did have to think about my bad feelings, but I didn't have the burden of the terrible panic coming over me any more!
If you want to get big benefits, sometimes it is painful. I am fortunate, to have a psychologist who I could talk to about the program and what I was doing.
I know there is another thing I have stuffed inside. I don't know what it is, but I hope I can excavate it. If I can, I may be "almost" normal! lol
Pat15, make a promise to yourself to do your very best with the program and don't fear what you will find. When you find something it's a real AHA moment, and you will feel like a new person! I found my muscles weren't so tight, my attitude was more positive, and I have a lot more hope for the future.
I wish you all the best at getting those rotten feelings out in the open! You will feel so much better! The process is a little painful, but anything worthwhile is - right? The support group will be here for you if you need us. You may find you can give help and understanding to others in this group.
Good Luck and Blessings,
Jackie
thanks for the kind words and support from you both. i appreciate it and really need all that i can get. i'm one of those people who truly has the attitude that i can't beat this thing.
i feel like i've tried everything (including this program twice before without completing it). i've always wanted whatever approach i take to work but none have so far. i'm my own worst enemy though. i'm stubborn and feel like i have so much to prove to myself due to my perfectionist attitude. thus it's hard for me to accept that i'm "worthy" of getting better. if things aren't done perfectly- then i'm not doing enough. the negative thoughts dont seem to go away then.
having been to multiple therapists and doctors and whatever i also have a hard time believing anyone truly means it when they say they help me through this and guide me along the right path especially when i'm at my lowest points. so i have a hard time believing people will actually stick with me and push me along when i truly need it most. that they WANT to see me get better and won't quit unless I do.
i've never really had a coach in this battle (or at least any that i thought were worth a dime) so that's what makes me doubt i can do it. in the end i know it's up to me but i have to have support. i'm going to use the coaching program and likely seek some help from a therapist outside of the program. i'm already seeing a psychiatrist but like i said- not real helpful. he helps me with medication (i'm on xanax right now) but that's about it. i push for more results, a program, a progression, anything but i don't get it. as i said i plan on finding another therapist and just see my doctor for medication monitoring as needed because that's really all the value he adds in my opinion. being on a tight budget adds to the stress but i need to know I'm getting the most value for what i'm spending.
in any case please keep the encouraging words coming along. i will need them. i'm already on the "it's getting worse before it gets better" path so it's rough right now.
i feel like i've tried everything (including this program twice before without completing it). i've always wanted whatever approach i take to work but none have so far. i'm my own worst enemy though. i'm stubborn and feel like i have so much to prove to myself due to my perfectionist attitude. thus it's hard for me to accept that i'm "worthy" of getting better. if things aren't done perfectly- then i'm not doing enough. the negative thoughts dont seem to go away then.
having been to multiple therapists and doctors and whatever i also have a hard time believing anyone truly means it when they say they help me through this and guide me along the right path especially when i'm at my lowest points. so i have a hard time believing people will actually stick with me and push me along when i truly need it most. that they WANT to see me get better and won't quit unless I do.
i've never really had a coach in this battle (or at least any that i thought were worth a dime) so that's what makes me doubt i can do it. in the end i know it's up to me but i have to have support. i'm going to use the coaching program and likely seek some help from a therapist outside of the program. i'm already seeing a psychiatrist but like i said- not real helpful. he helps me with medication (i'm on xanax right now) but that's about it. i push for more results, a program, a progression, anything but i don't get it. as i said i plan on finding another therapist and just see my doctor for medication monitoring as needed because that's really all the value he adds in my opinion. being on a tight budget adds to the stress but i need to know I'm getting the most value for what i'm spending.
in any case please keep the encouraging words coming along. i will need them. i'm already on the "it's getting worse before it gets better" path so it's rough right now.
Hi,
It sounds like you really mean business this time. A coach and a therapist along with the program should provide insight and support. I think the most important thing is to commit yourself to feeling better.
Just take baby steps. If you have a bad day just start fresh the next and take another baby step. I found I needed two weeks on some of the Lessons and so I took longer to finish. I made sure that I got the point of the Lesson before I went on.
Xanax helped me for twenty years to hold a challenging job and raise two children alone. Now I am on Wellbutrin and Effexor. I am not as anxious and panicky, but I am still depressed.
I try very hard to look at the bright side of things and have a positive attitude. Some days are harder than others.
Stay in touch,
Blessings,
Jackie
It sounds like you really mean business this time. A coach and a therapist along with the program should provide insight and support. I think the most important thing is to commit yourself to feeling better.
Just take baby steps. If you have a bad day just start fresh the next and take another baby step. I found I needed two weeks on some of the Lessons and so I took longer to finish. I made sure that I got the point of the Lesson before I went on.
Xanax helped me for twenty years to hold a challenging job and raise two children alone. Now I am on Wellbutrin and Effexor. I am not as anxious and panicky, but I am still depressed.
I try very hard to look at the bright side of things and have a positive attitude. Some days are harder than others.
Stay in touch,
Blessings,
Jackie
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damagedsoul
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:33 pm
This is my first post. Today in the mail I received the head start introduction and immediately went to this site and put in all of my info. I've read some posts and during this time the UPS truck pulled up with the whole package. I am afraid to open it. I believe it's cause I know I really can't afford this and am worried about that already. I am assuming since I've logged on for the first time today this is the 'start of my '30 day free trial'?
I am in my late forties and have a young adopted teenage son. I don't want to get into too many details yet, as for what my 'current' situation is, but I will begin with my 'earlier life'.
I was born to a regular middle class family. Dad worked many hours, mom drank a lot and I grew up around a lot of alcoholics and a very liberal life. I was told to graduate HS, go to college, or work...if I wanted to stay home I would give 20% of my net, or I could move out. I felt as if I lived two separate lives as I did do what was told, but also did what my environment allowed. I started drinking and smoking before I was a teenager, and I started having sex at the age of 12. I had an saline abortion at the age of 14 and haven't been able to have my own children since. (guilt there)
I matured really early and thought that my sex and my willingness was all I was worth. I had a lot of friends, but before I was 13 I was drinking almost every day, smoking pot, and eventually a big 'barbituate' pill head. I took anything and was always high. I still, to this day, don't think I've ever been 'straight' for a long period in my life. I moved on, always worked and supported myself. I joined the service and succeeded with that, but still hadn't found 'home', or happiness. (Although no one would know as I was/am very outgoing and the one who 'others' came to. I married (1980)after a year in the service and he's a wonderful man, we occasionally talk and I wish him happiness. We couldn't stay together and that was ok. Still, I wanted children and went to infertility specialists for many years, having over 30 miscarriages, (counting multiple pregnancies). When this marriage was over I met another and thought I found happiness again. We married (1988). We both worked, saved more money for the infertility specialists and then started our own business. I worked two jobs, the business and the one I had, until it became too much and stayed with the business. Other than sadness for not being able to have a child, which I thought was all I needed to be happy, to have a 'complete' family, I was still the outgoing/cheerful one that was always busy and always there for everyone else. I had many friends, or so I thought. In 1995 my husband was held up, shot and murdered. By this time we had adopted a baby and my husband had 14 month with him. I honestly think that if it wasn't for having this boy, I wouldn't have been able to survive till this day. None the less, I traveled, I forgave the shooter....(even though he claimes he didn't do it, wasn't tried for the crime, but knew I had to be able to forgive to be forgiven) Life goes on. I handle everything. I honestly believe that I have a good life now, but I am still unhappy, still not found 'home', still can't trust, love completely, and cannot feel optomistic about my future. My son is my first priority and I believe he's happy. He believes I am and I am with a man going on 8 years now who is wonderful, who has children of his own and we disagree about raising them, although his are older now, but still not independent and he had quite a situation with his wife....another day, for another post, but I still can't seem to find sex desireable, (although for the first two years I was amazing, for him, for acceptance.......whatever) and now he wonders why I 'tricked' him with the sex. I told him it is/was all I thought I was worth. All I know is life goes on whether you're paying attention or not, but I want/need to find happiness. I'm not quite sure if what I have isn't it, but I feel I'm dying inside.
I am in my late forties and have a young adopted teenage son. I don't want to get into too many details yet, as for what my 'current' situation is, but I will begin with my 'earlier life'.
I was born to a regular middle class family. Dad worked many hours, mom drank a lot and I grew up around a lot of alcoholics and a very liberal life. I was told to graduate HS, go to college, or work...if I wanted to stay home I would give 20% of my net, or I could move out. I felt as if I lived two separate lives as I did do what was told, but also did what my environment allowed. I started drinking and smoking before I was a teenager, and I started having sex at the age of 12. I had an saline abortion at the age of 14 and haven't been able to have my own children since. (guilt there)
I matured really early and thought that my sex and my willingness was all I was worth. I had a lot of friends, but before I was 13 I was drinking almost every day, smoking pot, and eventually a big 'barbituate' pill head. I took anything and was always high. I still, to this day, don't think I've ever been 'straight' for a long period in my life. I moved on, always worked and supported myself. I joined the service and succeeded with that, but still hadn't found 'home', or happiness. (Although no one would know as I was/am very outgoing and the one who 'others' came to. I married (1980)after a year in the service and he's a wonderful man, we occasionally talk and I wish him happiness. We couldn't stay together and that was ok. Still, I wanted children and went to infertility specialists for many years, having over 30 miscarriages, (counting multiple pregnancies). When this marriage was over I met another and thought I found happiness again. We married (1988). We both worked, saved more money for the infertility specialists and then started our own business. I worked two jobs, the business and the one I had, until it became too much and stayed with the business. Other than sadness for not being able to have a child, which I thought was all I needed to be happy, to have a 'complete' family, I was still the outgoing/cheerful one that was always busy and always there for everyone else. I had many friends, or so I thought. In 1995 my husband was held up, shot and murdered. By this time we had adopted a baby and my husband had 14 month with him. I honestly think that if it wasn't for having this boy, I wouldn't have been able to survive till this day. None the less, I traveled, I forgave the shooter....(even though he claimes he didn't do it, wasn't tried for the crime, but knew I had to be able to forgive to be forgiven) Life goes on. I handle everything. I honestly believe that I have a good life now, but I am still unhappy, still not found 'home', still can't trust, love completely, and cannot feel optomistic about my future. My son is my first priority and I believe he's happy. He believes I am and I am with a man going on 8 years now who is wonderful, who has children of his own and we disagree about raising them, although his are older now, but still not independent and he had quite a situation with his wife....another day, for another post, but I still can't seem to find sex desireable, (although for the first two years I was amazing, for him, for acceptance.......whatever) and now he wonders why I 'tricked' him with the sex. I told him it is/was all I thought I was worth. All I know is life goes on whether you're paying attention or not, but I want/need to find happiness. I'm not quite sure if what I have isn't it, but I feel I'm dying inside.
Thanks for sharing. You are stronger and tougher than most people I even know including my parents who raised 9 kids (all their own- no adoptions) and are really my heroes. Just keep on trying. I know what it's like to feel nothing inside on most days.
As for me I officially signed up for the coaching sessions today so I'll probably start up something by the end of the week. I'm hoping this will get me to where I would like to be or at least a good way there. Doesn't make it any less painful in the meantime though.
As for me I officially signed up for the coaching sessions today so I'll probably start up something by the end of the week. I'm hoping this will get me to where I would like to be or at least a good way there. Doesn't make it any less painful in the meantime though.
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damagedsoul
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:33 pm
Thank you Pat. I do think I'm a strong person and can't understand what it is I'm looking for, therefore depressed. I'm not so sure I'm anxious, probably just not busy enough.
Nine children. Bless their hearts. So tell me, why are you on here, was it that there were so many children growing up and you didn't get the individual attention you might have needed?
Private message me if you'd like, and we can talk more.
peace
Nine children. Bless their hearts. So tell me, why are you on here, was it that there were so many children growing up and you didn't get the individual attention you might have needed?
Private message me if you'd like, and we can talk more.
peace