Why is it so hard to talk to people?

designkid · Post by **designkid** » Mon Mar 30, 2009 11:44 am

Talking with others and "connecting" with others are two very different things. I find I can talk to others and small talk fine but it is taking an initial meeting to a friendship that is the hard part.

Sometimes other people won't respond for their own reasons, but I try to focus on what I can do since that is all we really are in control of after all.

So I try to involve myself in things I find interesting so I feel I have something to talk about. When I talk to others I try not to think so much about myself (it's hard cause I can be very introspective) and think how I might be able to brighten their day or show interest in them.

Sometimes no matter what you do though, some people won't respond and they may have plenty of things going on in their own head to lead to that.

Sometimes you may live in a place where you just aren't on the same wavelength as others. I just recently moved (1.5 years ago) and I'm having a horrid time making friends here, but back where I used to live it wasn't so bad. So I'm slowly working on my plan to move back!

In the meantime since I have no friend network here I keep in touch with people through email or phone and bombard myself with positive self talk. It helps keep the lonely thoughts at bay.

I hope this helps!

E-Lo · Post by **E-Lo** » Tue Mar 31, 2009 2:16 am

Wow and here I was wondering why I hadn't noticed anyone bringing this topic up... and thinking I was the only one with this problem... Well for me... I tend to avoid situations where I have to interact with anyone for fear that I will not know what to say and just stand there with a blank face while someone is talking to me... Not too long ago my sister-in-law asked me "So how does it feel being back here?" I got nervous and wanted to say the right thing (although it wasn't the truth) I got so nervous I put on my nervous face and shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't know" UGH!!!!! Good thing I had recently told her about my social anxiety... so she just brushed it off... Another time I had a job interview and when asked "So what do you look for in a job?" I let the anxiety and fear get the best of me... besides wanting to get the job I wanted to show off my intelligence... My answer "cultural diversity...." .... .... I just looked at her with a blank face and when she asked "what else?" I just said "that's it"... How embarassing!!! LOL... Well I'm glad that I can laugh about it now but that had to be one of my most embarassing moments in life... Well just yesterday I had dinner with my brother-in-law his wife, their children and my significant other... I am shocked (now) thinking about how comfortable I was... I talked very comfortably... I tend to notice all of the grammatical errors people make (especially myself) and although I caught myself speaking erroneously at times... I didn't sweat it and kept my conversation going... Guess it is getting better with the programs insight... Yay for me!

So anyway I really like this thread as this is one of my biggest issues... Hope it lasts for a little while... Good luck everyone with the program and with this "social phobia/anxiety" whatever one might call it... I call it a minor temporary setback... nothing more, nothing less...
E-Lo ♥♥

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 07, 2009 1:31 pm

Hi Everyone,
I totally agree that this is definitely a self-esteem issue...Here is how I do it!!!

I just look the other human being directly in the eyes and begin talking. I don't stop and think what I am going to say. I just trust myself to come up with whatever it is I am going to speak...

I do not concern myself with what the other person is thinking of me. I know that my opinions and thoughts are as good as the next persons...

Does it really matter if I sound silly??? Not to me...I could care less...After all, I am not out to impress anyone. I know that it is healthy to be me.

I just speak whatever it is that is on my mind. Then, I wait for the response...the conversations just kinda takes off from there...

If I am beginning the conversation...I will start out on a light note...Such as, it is a beautiful day isn't it? I always look the person directly in the eyes while speaking...Then they reply, and before I realize it, we are in a conversation....

By the way, teaching yourself to look another person straight into the eyes is an "art" one must learn. It begins with a little practice..
Remember...practice makes perfect...

If I can do it..So, can the rest of you..God Bless...

l[z · Post by **l[z** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 6:59 am

E-Lo,There,s another thread on this topic called "dealing with isolation" right here on the depression forum.Just beneath this one(or 2 under).

mtnbkr · Post by **mtnbkr** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 2:09 pm

Pecos what an interesting, insightful and informative post, well worth reading and thinking on. I am very glad I read it. I have long believed in the power of the mirror test to discern my true level of self esteem, or how I view myself. What we really see when looking in the mirror is truly enlightening. I use the mirror test to find out how I feel about myself, do I look old, fat or do I look full of wisdom and compassion, tells me a lot where I am to myself. I try to have self comforting/encouraging thoughts of myself during a mirror test. This is a great thread, I'll be back to see what everyone has to input. Hi l[z good to be on the same thread with you again.

l[z · Post by **l[z** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:38 pm

Hi mtnbkr,I,ve been scouting around here and there on the forums.I wish I was an expert on every topic so I could offer help to everyone.

I follow Pecos' advice.If you can,t give advive at least give a few words of encouragement.

By the way,Thank you. For what you ask? Ok,I,ll tell you.One day I decided to view your recent posts.There I found triple ls(not sure thats right)post on the (colonostopy).That was soooooo funny,even to think about it makas me laugh.

My husband and I both had the pleasure last year.Fortunatly ours was a very very good Dr..Translation.......no pain.

Great talking to you again,Liz

Tea Break · Post by **Tea Break** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 4:18 pm

It is hard to for me to connect with people because I feel as if everything I say is either not important or unintelligent.

Sammy19 · Post by **Sammy19** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:17 pm

I have a very difficult time talking to people. It causes me to be very lonely and bored. After listening to one of the tapes talk about lost time and isolation was something I could really relate to. I feel like I lost a whole decade of my life.