Support circle for depression

Jeannie60 · Post by **Jeannie60** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:04 pm

Pecos,
thank you for the welcome.
Teresa,
I know hos you feel being sleepy and tired all the time. I have horses, and if it wasn't that I love them so much and know that they need their hay every morning, I would never get up either. I find that after I've gone outside and gotten some fresh air and sunshine, I start feeling better. Try to find some reason to stick your head out the door first thing in the morning.
When I've been giving in to the heaviness and staying in bed too long, I start trying to make myself get up 15 minutes earlier every morning till I get closer to a realistic time.

Taifun · Post by **Taifun** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 1:09 am

I would like to join the group also - reading all of your posts was helpful and gives me some encouragement. I am just starting week 2 today. Rather than staying in bed and sleeping through my depression, I lead a life of constant movement which I've set up to avoid paying attention to the fact that I'm depressed all the time. I run and run and run from 5:30 in the morning until 11:00 at night - I haven't wanted to leave any extra time in my day to relax because then I'll have time to realize all of the things that I haven't gotten to yet because I've been too busy and will beat myself up for it. I am not sure how to slow down at this point. I have everything set up with all kinds of comittments that I feel I don't want to give up. Any suggestions on how to tone things down - does anyone else experience this

NJP · Post by **NJP** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:48 am

Hello!
May I join the circle?

I (re)started the program a week ago. When I got the program originally, I was disappointed that it was focused more on anxiety than depression. I never really thought I had much anxiety. I now realize that the 2 are really intertwined. I think often times my anxiety wears me down, exacerbating my depression. To Jeannie60: I was really relating to what you were saying in your posts. I have been immobilized quite often for a while now. I drive home from work and think of all the things I'm going to do when I get home, then I end up just laying on the couch and watching tv(and eating!) I live alone and have let my house become quite cluttered as well. Then I feel anxiety at the thought of someone dropping by and seeing the mess, but I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I also spend a lot of energy paying attention to other things going on at work...to the point where I can't focus on my own job. It's all very draining!

Whew! This is my second go at this program. I started this time last year and flaked after about a month. I think the first time I got too down on myself for not doing the program "perfectly". This time I'm being easier on myself and giving myself credit when I do work the program instead of getting down when I miss a day. Thanks to everyone in the program for being there and I wish everyone well!
Nancy.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 4:21 am

Welcome Taifun. I am really glad you've joined this program and are into Session Two. I liked the biology information so very much, provided by Dr Fisher, on Session Two. Your question about how to tone things down, well, you are in the right place, and Session Two will give you answers. Don't ever skip the homework. For me personally, it is the most important instrument here. It's where I meet my self, where I discover why I have specific behaviors, and it's where I find out what particular tool in the session material benefits me most. As for running your life off, I used to do that, before my depression settled in and took control. It's one of those anxiety behaviors Dr Fisher explains to you, and tells you about your own body chemistry causing the anxiety, and later, the collapse into depression. And, more good news. There is a lot more of all the information solutions in future sessions. Use this community. Do your homework. You will be a new person for the effort. Again, welcome aboard.

Nancy, you know what is funny? I bought this program for a friend who has serious panic attacks and anxiety. I never considered using it (after all, I was depressed, not anxious

) . He wasn't motivated to use it, and there I sat with this big box. I was so depressed at the time I could barely function. I opened it, read some of the information, and listened to the intro, then Session One. I knew it was going to address my depression, because it already was talking about things that led up to my collapse. As for perfection, yeah. Those personality traits are very informative. There are self evaluations and behavior inventories in all the sessions which will benefit you, too. Tomorrow I begin Session 11.
Don't forget to post your depression problems under new topic threads here in the Depression Forum. And don't forget to always turn to your Peer Group for help with your sessions and homework. If you do these things, you will stay on program, and YOU will be the winner here. Nice to meet you.

DWN · Post by **DWN** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 3:08 pm

Hello
Hoping I can join the group? I am starting session 3 and have found your posts helpful and informative. I've been dealing with depression for the better part of 20 years to varying degrees. Due to a traumatic event about 10 months ago, severe insomnia set in which led to intense anxiety and deep depression. I have beat the insomnia but I completely understand the "why go on" feelings of depression that have been expressed by others. I refuse to let this control my life though!
Some of my worst moments/hours occur first thing in the morning. I don't know if I am simply resisting the day or if it is some other chemical imbalance. Has anyone else experienced their heaviest depression and anxiety in the AM with steady improvement throughout the day?
Thanks in advance. I am hopeful I can offer others some support as I work through this program and get back on track.

joy jenkins · Post by **joy jenkins** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 4:42 pm

Hi DWN, Yes I feel like you do, the mornings are usually the worst times of the day for me. Just getting out of bed is tough, but once up I sort of walk around abit like a zombie, making a cup of tea, going out onto my balcony, opening up my computer, etc. But it takes a few cups of hot tea before I can start to feel the depressed feeling lifting. I think its the thought of the long day ahead of me with so many hours to fill, then the time starts to go quickly and before I know it, it's noon! I am certainly much better than I used to be, at least I am now getting out of bed! That is an improvement!
Joy

KT-SEA · Post by **KT-SEA** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 9:05 pm

Hello everyone, I've been suffering from a mild to moderate amount of anxiety, but a DEEP level of depression since I was in my mid-teens. I often think back to the boisterous, outgoing kid I was many years ago and wish I could be that again. Without going into a long, drawn out story in order to explain why I think I feel this way, I'll just say that one of my siblings ended up being in the spotlight for many years due to her behavior and ever since then I've felt that I've lived in her shadow, never really getting noticed. I remember thinking that once I left home and got away from the drama that I'd somehow magically improve. Well, I haven't, and I don't feel any better. In fact, I feel worse.

I've learned that there is a certain level of anxiety I experience. It doesn't affect me to the level that it affects some of you, but (in my opinion) it still affects my everyday life and I don't feel I'm in control of it. I don't like going out by myself (i.e. socializing at parties, work-related functions, etc..). Often times I'll even drive to the location, but get so scared that I just drive back home and later give an excuse as to why I "bailed" on it. I really hate myself when that happens, which then leads into the bigger issue: depression.

I have to really push myself to get out of bed in the mornings. I will lay there for hours on end before I finally get up. It's caused me to be late to work MANY times. Nothing excites me anymore. Things that I once enjoyed hold no value to me anymore. I don't "feel" things like I used to (I hope that makes sense. I don't know how else to put it into words). Nothing feels fun anymore. I just feel so numb to everything. Earlier this year, my younger brother suddenly passed away and I felt nothing. I cried at the funeral, but before and after? Nothing. The rest of my family seems to still be grieving over it. My brother and I were VERY close, but I just don't understand why I haven't really felt anything. I just feel so detached from the rest of the world. I went through my twenties watching the world around me go on by while I was sitting on the sidelines. You're supposed to have fun and experience life and the world in your twenties. I just didn't have the desire. I never wanted to do anything. I'm in my early 30's now and I really don't want to continue like this. Everyone that knows me tells me how great of a person I am and how they can't believe that I'm not having to beat potential partners off with a bat. In some ways, I agree. I am one of the greatest people out there. I firmly believe that. I guess I just don't have the drive to make myself feel it, along with most everything else in life.

I started the program tonight (just finished the quick start DVD). Honestly, I've owned this program for a little over 2 years now, I just never got around to opening it up. There was always something more important to do, too busy for this, etc.. Well, this is priority one now. Nothing is going to get in the way of this program. I sincerely hope this works because all of the medications and therapy that I've tried hasn't helped at all.

Wow! I got a little carried away there. So sorry for the long post. Please don't berate me. I want to feel alive again.

DWN · Post by **DWN** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 3:02 am

Joy, Thank you for your response. It is interesting that the day gets better as it moves along and comes to an end faster than I expect. But every morning I am right back at the same place with high anxiety and depression just thinking that I'm in for a marathon. Enjoy that view from your balcony and let the sights distract you from your introspection. Thanks again.

shawnalv · Post by **shawnalv** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:32 am

KT-SEA, welcome - with warm hugs. I know exactly what you're talking about - the numbness, not feeling anything. Several other people have spoken about the listlessness - the lack of energy or motivation. That's the crippling part - but the "not feeling anything" makes you think you're losing your mind.

I couldn't "feel" anything for about 4 years. I couldn't figure out "why bother". The only reason I'm still here today is that I was afraid if I attempted suicide, I'd just faint in the middle and end up in the hospital. Then I'd be in trouble! Oh, also, I couldn't do that to my mother.

Now I have a 5 year old son - and can't do that to him! I used to do crazy, almost dangerous things - just to know that I was alive. Now I can't even get that interested.

However, I must admit that I had a pretty good weekend. I was anticipating a bad one, just like all the other weekends of the past few months since my husband and two stepdaughters left. I suddenly went from being overwhelmingly busy with mothering and housewifering to suddenly watching each and every minute pass.... slowly.... waiting for bedtime when my son wouldn't need me. The dread of the weekends are almost enough to convince me to give up custody and just take visitations.

But, I listened to the tape and video of Session 2 several times before the weekend and once during the weekend. I did most of the homework - in spurts throughout the weekend. Everytime I felt the dread welling up inside me, I focused on what's really bothering me - not being left alone withi nothing to do and noone to need me all weekend - but the unexpectedness of the divorce and solitude.

The first week, and even 2nd session, I was thinking this program's not for me - it's more about anxiety. Then,I found this forum, saw they've added some good stuff about depression, recognized that I do suffer from anxiety, and have experienced some positive change by using the few tips they've given so far (just 2 sessions! - cant' wait to find out what else I'll learn in 15 sessions!!!)

Anyway, stick with the program, set routines, don't worry about not feeling anything just yet. But, please, avoid doing the extreme things, just to see if you can feel things, or to feel alive. If you must, do things like roller coasters - or all-night dancing binges. these make for good memories later.

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:53 am

There's a lot of people here who feel their anxiety and or depression more in the morning than during the day. I was one of them who had terrible anxiety first thing in the morning. For me I figured out a way to change this. I have a list of positive statements I go over as soon as I wake up to set the tone of the day, so in lieu of saying "Oh no another long day" I say "I'm grateful for the day and that I have the whole day to find something good." I started making it a goal to see how many good things I could find. I eat something as soon as I get up to even the blood sugar out, do my yoga salutations, and make sure I get out of the house for a short walk. Just these few simple things have made a huge difference. I also try to schedule something for the next day that might be enjoyable or pleasant no matter how trivial it may sound to other people. I found that I was discounting some of these simple pleasures that make up my day to day life, and when I forced myself to make a bigger deal out of the positive simple things and a lesser deal out of the negative things, a lot changed. We all have to find our unique way and I would be really interested to hear what has worked for other people here for their morning anxiety and or depression. It's always good to hear more suggestions.