FLOATING with your neg. thoughts

[Chief Crazy Horse]

Holly you always make sense You really are starting to catch on! Just remember though, when it seems like it's coming back it never really left, you just learned how to manage your thoughts (you never got rid of them). So if you get discouraged again REMEMBER how you did it before and just do it again :)

[Holly J]

wow David thank you for that post because oddly enough I was beginning to feel bad again and was letting the negative thoughts get to me again. See, whenever i feel inspired or positive or happy or content my negative thoughts automatically flush those feelings down the toilet. Its hard for me to stay focused on this because I'll feel down again and than whwn i feel down im like well, thats it i am a hopeless case. which is how i feel right now. bleh. my new what if obsessive thought is what if nothing helps me or can ever help me and that mu mind is so powerful that I will only use it to be negative because whenever i am positive the negativity hits it big time. Its a lot doff than my usual what if obsessive thoughts such a what if i stop breathing or stop swallowing or what if i kill myself. . . It deals with myself healing and recovering from this and i am what ifing that i will be a hopeless case and that no one understands this new what if i am dealing with. It just feels so different and worse than any what if i ever had. I dont know why i can feel ok for a second and than BAM i feel depressed the nexy )-: I fear this will never go away. . and that is my scariest fear of all. Can anyone relate at all? I feel like I am literally all alone with this.

[FrancesL]

Holly,

You are trying so hard and doing so well!! It shows in all your posts!

This up and down and around again is SOOO normal girl. It happens to all of us. If you look at it as though there are several steps to recovery, then you will see why.

There are the "light bulb" moments, where you get one of the concepts and BOOM feeling great...then you go through the old patterns again. You never LOST the concept, you are now just working it out into who you are and how you think. First you get knowledge..then over time you apply the knowledge...then you see changes...then you are changed. Don't feel bad because you got the concept but haven't totally mastered it yet. Change takes time...the good news is you have the TOOLS/concepts to bring about that change.
I would dare to say that this is how it works for most of us girl, you are not alone and are on the right track!

[Holly J]

FrancesL you have no idea how much your reply comforted me. WOW thank you so much!!!! Please write me anytime. See, it's like i have to hear stuff from other people because i dont know. . ya know? I was beating myself up for not applying what i realized. But this is because i am extremely analytical and a negative thinker. I doubt and question EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING . Especially anything that is positive. I make positive moments negative. it sucks!!! Its like I cant let myself feel good ya know? so this is normal to feel good and than feel bad again????

[Paul R.]

That was beautiful PEACE1, David, and FrancesL.

For me the hardest thing about this is the isolation, or feeling that you are the only one dealing with this. When I come to the post, and see comments like yours, it breaks me out of myself and I can see the problem for what it really is and get perspective.

We are not alone!

And PEACE1, I have slowly through process begun to come to the thinking that what if panic attacks were just like you said...a message, a warning light demanding attention for thing(s) to be dealt with.

I know for a fact, that I don't deal with things. I push them away and get through them, but emotionally I don't deal.

I don't know where that came from, but I can agree with you that it is perhaps the buildup of emotional garbage in me that has led to anxiety and ultimately panic attacks.

This might sound odd, but does anyone know how to better deal with things when they happen, and to stop burying emotions for a later time?

[FrancesL]

Holly,

Yes it is totally normal. It is exactly what happened to me the during my first serious bout with the agoraphobia and obsessive thoughts, panic disorder. I was all over the place! I just kept going through the program though, and hung in there and had one breakthrough at a time. I dealt with very similar experiences as you are. I mean my mind was EVERYWHERE. This is good news though, because I came out of it, and I was so extreme. I honestly thought I was crazy and had some really bad mental illness...
I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel...
This go round it is not as bad...I HATE that I have to deal with it again, but I know that I will come out because I was OUT THERE the first time and totally overcame it.
You WILL come out if you hang in there, the simple fact is...you can not apply the life changing tools and stay the same! You WILL change, it's only a matter of time!!

[fischee]

OK, it's late and I just thought of this... so, everyone has these negative thoughts, right? What if when we were thinking of them, we gradually let them float farther and farther away until they had less and less 'power'- envision a flying a kite on a beautiful spring day- it's cool and breezy, clouds like cotton candy are scattered across the sky. Your negative thought is the kite, but you're caught up in the moment... the wind is tosseling your hair, you're laughing and running with a childhood friend, you stumble into one another and the next thing you know your kite is GONE. But you're having too much fun to care. You tumble onto the ground, giggling and tickling one another- NEVER giving the kite/negative idea another thought.

OK- def. LATE! Oh, well. Here's one I do use regularly. When I'm ruminating over something ridiculous, I physically shake myself like a dog and say, "Out, damn thought, OUT." I know, contrary to the original Lady Mac's predicament, but it works for me... and it makes me smile .

Peace- this lady has GOT to go to bed,
Emily

BTW- after posting, I reread this and thought of the phrase, "Cut the Kite"- this made me chuckle even more... def. time to go to bed! HA.

[Kispa]

For me journaling is really helpful! It is hard to make myself sit down and do it sometimes. But when I do I find relief. Sometimes I journal and write neatly and keep what I have written, because of new insights that can be helpful later and sometimes I just write fast or scribble (too fast to even be legible) all the negative thoughts and then rip up the paper and throw it away. I was told not to reread the garbage because it's like putting it right back into your head. Just tear it up and throw it away. It is important to work through things and not just ignore them and push them away, because like Holly says the more we push the more they are really there in your face! God Bless!

[Kispa]

My post above got in the wrong place. I don't know how that happened.

Anyway,fischee, I loved your visualization! It is very discriptive and creative and I think very helpful! What a great idea! I think we people that worry a lot have very creative minds! We just need to learn how to use this creativity in a more productive manner like yours, fischee!

[Holly J]

Wow Frances,
you sound like me. . The way you USED to be is the way I am now. . BUT since reading your reply the other day I have been so much better. Youre right about those light bulb moments too. Its like you gotta experience this crap in order to get that light bulb moment and than learn to cope with it. Again, thank you for writing back to my posts. Fischee!!!!! LOL you're so great!!!! I loved your analogy!!! I need to just cut the kite!!!!! And Kispa, yes I do believe we have creative minds. Some of the stuff I think about, i swear, should be in some weird creepy artsy fartsy movie. . ha ha. .