Post
by Guest » Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:03 am
I am getting back into my routine... Stupid hurricane gustov sucked.. I hate evacuating..
My anxiety came back, but ever since this program, is has not gotten as bad as it was before the program...
I woke up this morning questionning my life which for is a definite no-no... My life is what it is... I used to want to be married and have and raise kids... But things changed..
I currently am ok with just living on my own and never getting married or having kids... Life for me is hard enough as it is.. The only way I'd get married would be if I met a woman who could be very compassionate and empathetic OR who has anxiety like me.. I dont know and dont really care b/c I'm ok just being single...
I was at the grocery store getting weeks groceries AND the way I react to stress is different from many ppl.. I dont drink or smoke.. I do workout and take time to relax...
And I've studied that erectile dysfunction can occur with too much stress...
Well I must be an exception, b/c when I get stressed out I get very sexually-inclined..
I was constantly catching myself checking out woman AND I would love to go up and talk to them, and I really need to, but when I'm anxious, although physically I'm good to go like a racehorse, my mental maturity is not there.. I'm so frozen I have no idea what to say..
Its like, when im not in the mood for woman, I can talk and attract them... But when I'm in the mood, I cant talk b/c I'm so nervous and not thinking straight.. I saw this girl bending over strapping her baby in the back seat, she has short white shorts, and I was so turned on by that.. At the last minute, I saw that she saw me through the side window... I dont really know what she thought, I'm hoping she understands I'm a man with feelings... Many of them sexual... But I'm not like most men, I have a romantic compassionate side... I just would want to have a g/f who is liberal with the relationship... That's what I would like to have for now... In the meantime, I'd be working on myself and my anxiety/depression issues...
Which puzzles me as to the attraction between men and women... Women, keeping it simple, want a guy with confidence & security... My confidence comes and goes like the wind blows...
I have not had many g/f's in my life, I'm practically a virgin, although technically not.. and the technicality doesnt even count b/c I didnt even enjoy the experience for that matter..
My only way of coping with these sexual tensions and urges under stressful situations is to self-gratify (politically correct term)... And I dont mind this b/c it's normal healthy and natural... If I didnt have this, I dont know how I would get through life...
But for me, I desire sex when I get anxious or stressed... Although it's admirable that I would be willing to approach a woman and converse, I don't know how to do that in a way that communicates interest in a way that she could agree with... We all know it's like a non-verbal thing we both agree on, (most woman I approach show interest non-verbally), but when I talk, they lose interest... So in a sense, I have to say what they want to hear to get intimate with them.. My definition of intimate here is nothing more than a phone # exchange and perhaps conversating over the phone getting to know each other and maybe going out sometime as friends..
Why is this so complicated? I have a master's degree and I still feel like the dumbbest guy around women...