Gradually cutting yourself off from everyone?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 21, 2009 5:32 am

I can really relate to what you are saying. I am glad I came to the boards today b/c I am very sad and upset about the state of "love" in my life. I can relate to cutting people out of your life, but I also have the problem of being cut out of people's lives, namely my family.

Almost 6 years ago now, my mother got terribly upset over a misunderstanding that somehow horribly erupted over me moving back to my hometown and wanting to be closer to my family. At the very moment when I was trying to break down some barriers in my family relationships, my mother freaked out and said she can't deal with me and pushed me away, so my sisters copied her (they are all quite younger) and my step father as well said he doesn't have anything against me but can't talk to me b/c he doesn't want to upset my mother.

Since then I have tried everything and over the last 2 years I have had so much anxiety and depression that I was suicidal and cried out for help from them and other few family members (our family is small). They chose to push me away again, not helping or supporting me. That is my big problem, they don't support me or want to speak to me and though I am better now as far as being depressed, my life is so sad and I don't have any close relationships.

I am afraid the pain of losing my family and losing my significant other (that spurred the depression 2 years ago) is too much for me and I now am so stressed all the time and don't have the cozy, love-type attachments that I want or that are good for me. Sometimes it just overwhelms me and I realize how vacant my life is. How do I ever trust loving people again and how do I find some nice sensitive people that I can trust in the first place now that I am so broken/shocked?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 21, 2009 5:48 am

Erin, I hope you are feeling better.
I have prayed for you this morning.
Knowing the pain that you experienced.

And for you, too, Sit N Spin. Tho' I don't remember your story right now. But if you feel that your world has been smashed you certainly could use some prayers.

Erin, it will get better down the line I think.
I have asked that you be comforted.

God bless all who suffer today!!!
MaryJane

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 21, 2009 6:00 am

Nic:
I recently underwent a surgery. At the time , Jan. 6th, i felt like family had shoved me away.
They may or may not have.
But in any case, I had to let the people on this board be my family.
I read this board every day from start to finish.
And it helped.
I am restored to family now.
But that was a bleak time for me.
Get involved with helping folk if you can.
See if you can find a church that you can enjoy.
Or whatever suits you.

I later talked to my daughter.
She said to me:
"mom , you know that we really have a world-wide family."
And that is true.
Try to go out there and find people who need to be lifted up and be a friend.
They might get to be your family.

By the way, when your family sees that you don't need them,
they'll probably start including you.
Human nature is quite odd sometimes.
Find you a family somewhere else.
Hang in there!!
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:21 pm

Aw, what your daughter said makes me want to cry! I will keep trying, but there is so much anxiety (obviously) when it comes to needing and allowing people in my life. It's quite painful with or without them. It's as though I've had a bit too much of a shock and that part of me that was already high strung has snapped, much to my dismay, as I love to be with people I love. It grounds me and organizes me. Being so detatched can be more unsettling and lead to more anxiety! I am sure you all know this or have felt it...

Anyway, I would love to see the day that my family showed love towards me. Or when I build a new group that I feel safe with. Until then, I notice I am more used to not getting what I need. And happily the intensity of sorrow is overcome quicker, at least for the moment!

I feel sorry for all the people suffering who are on this board (and those who are not), because I know what it feels like to have a harder path. Sometimes I think we just need a little more kindness or love and are sensitive to the harsh environments where that all gets mucked up and obscured. May we all be soothed and cared for and grow stronger and get what we need to live happier, freer lives.

That being said, I think I will comb thru this forum and learn learn learn...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 22, 2009 6:39 am

Thank you Mary Jane,
I thought hitting bottom had already happened, but with my husband's affair, I am flailing around like I have been withheld air. We did see a m.counselor, but the ball is in his court and he doesn't know what he wants. I have never known hurt like this. I am seeing an anxiety therapist now, but I was in week 8 and don't know if I should start over...everything I gained seemed to slip like sand thru my hands. I am an emotional wreck and am seriously diving into depression on top. Never think it would happen in your marriage. Anxiety destroys...I gotta find a way to scratch outta this well I have been pushed into.

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:14 am

I too have cut myself off from everyone I once got along with and considered friends.

I used to have a large amount of friends, and now since my anxiety has got so bad, I have no friends what so ever.
I often find myself wishing I could have friends and do the things someone my age should be doing, like going out and having fun with friends, I wish to have a best friend, someone anyone.
I cut myself off by just not beng notivated to go out anymore, I stay at home.. and when they would call I would just not feel like talking.

I find myself lashing out at family aswell sometimes, only because I sometimes feel as though they don't understand what I'm going through. And that pushes them away.

It's horrible.
Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
I hope things can get better for you, God Bless.