I think my fiance has a SEX addiction (emails/texts) and I don't know what else!

YvonneP · Post by **YvonneP** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:52 am

Hi All....
So here's my update...
My psychiatrist feels that he has alot of signs of "immaturity" and feels he may be able to take responsiblity for his actions & become a better man.

I have approached my Fiance and asked that he gets therapy to understand WHY he did this while engaged to be married. He agreed.
Now he is trying to accomodate me and MY NEEDS for happiness.

Overall inside I'm still very depressed and "unsure" about this. He has been attentive, remorseful and seems to really want to make this work.

Do I stay and see if there are results? Or do I go - move on -- and say goodbye to our 2 years.....

Any thoughts?

R.Younger · Post by **R.Younger** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:07 am

<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Yvonne, hey girl, good to hear from you again. Look, it is easy for others to tell you to leave and tell you what to do. But they are not in your shoes. You are the only person who can decide what is right for you. If he is willing to get help then that is great.Again though, staying has to be your decision, no one else's. It is my understanding that we are not to judge others, so therefore I do not judge or look down on you for ANY decision you make. I will be here for you any time you need a friend. It's good that you are seeing your therapist regulary. I would keep going if I were you. In fact I do, lol, once a week</span>

Any ways, Best Wishes, Kitten

Mom of 6 · Post by **Mom of 6** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:43 am

Yvonne, From personal experience with this type of issue

I would say, that if he is sincerely remorseful and is willing to seek counselling for it, why not give it a try? True love is UNCONDITIONAL love. I am all for forgiveness and I DO believe that relationships can survive ANY type of betrayal if BOTH parties are willing to work on it TOGETHER and stick with it! Good luck and God bless you BOTH

Robin

cuttingirl · Post by **cuttingirl** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:48 pm

Originally posted by YvonneP:
Hi All....
So here's my update...
My psychiatrist feels that he has alot of signs of "immaturity" and feels he may be able to take responsiblity for his actions & become a better man.

I have approached my Fiance and asked that he gets therapy to understand WHY he did this while engaged to be married. He agreed.
Now he is trying to accomodate me and MY NEEDS for happiness.

Overall inside I'm still very depressed and "unsure" about this. He has been attentive, remorseful and seems to really want to make this work.

Do I stay and see if there are results? Or do I go - move on -- and say goodbye to our 2 years.....

Any thoughts?

Run. You know this. You can feel it. Something isn't right. Trust your inner voice (which is hopefully uncluttered).

Two cents, In short: if you love him you can stay and see what happens. If you love yourself, you'll take a hard objective look. Do you really want to take this on?

I have been in a similar situation, so my reply might be a shaded as such, but plesae read and decide for yourself.

This guy is soliciting sex online/ via texting. He had no plans of addressing this what-you-call problem that you inconveniently discovered. Had you not discovered it and flung it up he'd still be at it. If not for you pushing, he would not be agreeing to a therapist chair trying to mature, take responsiblity for his actions & become a better man. It's an act of desperation that you are forcing him into which he would not otherwise do. This may give a temporary fix and you may unite in this cause, but an uneasy truce overlies the problem which is still there. He's feeding you a line. Looking at porn is one thing, men and women do it all the time, visual stimulation is normal. I approve of my fiancee looking at porn. I am not threatened by it one bit and have even looked at it myself. But emailing a specific person lewd personal pictures and setting up a meeting is way way different. Think. Honor yourself and your intuition with due consideration to your relationship that you've built together. Weigh all things. Is he insecure and seeks validation through lewd acts? Is that someone you want to be with? DO you really want to take that on? How will you feel about yourself?

TAYLORHIGBEE · Post by **TAYLORHIGBEE** » Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:15 pm

Hey. I'm really sorry hon :[
I know this is hard to hear but my advice to you is:
If you don't accept this and you don't want to be with someone like that, then leave him. Trust me even though it may not seem like it there are WAY better worth your time. I just think that's really unacceptable. Maybe he needs to realize that that's not good, and by learning that you should leave him. I mean it's your choice and all, but if this is going to be a problem in the future then I say forget about him, cause he's most likely to do it again, with or without counseling. (Hey, he might change, but guys like that are hard to trust.) Maybe you should just call off getting married?? Wait a while till you know for sure. Cause it would be a BIG mistake marrying the wrong guy.

And to maybe cheer you up a bit:
My best friend told me that if one guy you thought was "the one", but ended up not being him, then he was just one step closer to being with the one you really belong with.

The person that's right for you shouldn't do that, and he should respect you more. Love is always more important than sex, and men who obsess about sex too much aren't the kind of guy you should get married to. You should marry a guy who loves you for you and not just have sex on his mind all the time. You should be on his mind all the time, and not always sexually either.